Black Sheep
by Mydeus
Summary: Everyone knows her, but no one really knows who she is. A tale about a mysterious Alliance black sheep, who might not be the woman the star-struck Asari maiden thinks she is. [OCxLiara] [T for violence and language]
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! I'm back with a Mass Effect story, my latest FF-XIII being on hiatus.

So, this story will mostly be centenred on an OC I've invented, her job, her life, etc. Original ME characters will, of course, be part of the story too, and there will be a romance involving Liara.

I want to know if this starts out well enough, so would you kindly let me know what you think before I post any more chapters (I've already written around 13500 words, this is just a short prologue).

Thanks for reading, and please review!

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**Prologue**

Admiral Willis, Third Fleet. Tall, athletic, wild strands of blond hair falling arrogantly on her forehead, a cocky grin always hanging on full, pink lips. To anyone who contented themselves with a quick glance, she was just a member of the Alliance top brass, a braggart who relished her position just for the sake of giving orders and showing off her medals. To most, a thirty-two year old admiral always hanging out in immaculate whites adorned with four golden stripes on the shoulders and three rows of shining medals on the breast was bound to become impossibly proud – not in the good sense of the term. Often when talking about Willis, Alliance recruits as well as simple citizens spoke with venom in their words and a slight waver in their voice. That woman had been promoted to the most important status a marine could ever hope for in their career, and no one knew why. She had never been as much as a cameo in the news – at least, she had never been instrumental in any successful missions made public. She had never made an appearance in any of the unofficial reports on the Extranet, and it appeared that no one ever mentioned her when there were stories about saved colonies or assaults on enemy bases.

Everyone knew her but no one exactly knew why. What had she done to deserve such a promotion, why had the Alliance chosen her among the hundreds of soldiers worthy of the title, and why the hell did she always act like she didn't care when every goddamned soldiers would kill to get her position? All those questions remained unanswered, and it led people to believe she just had a few acquaintances belonging to the Alliance board. She'd been promoted to the prestigious title during a huge celebration that had gathered the most important figures of humanity, and it had been retransmitted around the galaxy on the biggest channels. That's when her face was first made public, and for some unknown reason, people started being interested in her.

For a while, they showed no animosity towards her – after all, if the Alliance deemed necessary to promote her, it surely was because she deserved it. But then, some ill-intentioned soldiers started spreading rumors, mostly out of jealously. They knew most of them would never even get the chance to become as much as a rear admiral and they just thought it unfair that someone who couldn't claim any victories over enemies or successful missions was given the title at so young an age. At first, there were just a few recruits spitting on her name when playing cards in the cargo bay of little military ships doing routine patrols on human colonies. But then, a wave of anger rose among more and more military groups, fueled by the fact that the galaxy was slowly, but surely, starting to show its dislike of humans, and that Willis was nowhere to be seen. Even when it came to Saren, everyone knew Admiral Hackett and Commander Shepard had been the one pulling the strings, and while on one side, people praised their action and acclaimed Shepard for her heroism, they also silently blamed Willis for not doing anything. An Alliance Admiral was supposed to give people hope and help them through the hardships that galaxy had brought the humans, and Willis only seemed to remain in the dark, far away from the troubles her own race suffered.

The wisest knew Willis had probably played her part, and the cold heads knew a soldier was always made admiral for a good reason. But the general wave of disgust and resentment that had emanated within just a few was getting the better of her reputation. Before being recognized in the streets, Admiral Willis had never had any supporters, but no enemies either. Now, she had no supporters and an entire race angry with her, as if she had been the one at the origin of their problems, when her only fault was an empty public record of her military service. The paranoia, the fear, the anxiousness caused by the galaxy's eventful and dangerous life had made people turn against a black sheep to release the tension, and when this beta-soldier with nothing remarkable had been offered the golden striped shoulder boards, they knew she was the one to hate.

She was the perfect incarnation of a soldier given everything a recruit could hope for when all she could do was hide away and pretend the world didn't exist while her race was being butchered on some distant colonies. Her way of life didn't help her much convince people she supported the human race either. More than once, she had been witnessed with an Asari at her arm, taking a walk in the streets of the Presidium as if there weren't anything more important to take care of, or dining in an expensive restaurant on the shore of the Thessian Sea. She was said to neglect her race and find comfort in the arms of aliens, and not only people kept insulting her, but they also started to give her the petty surname of _xenophile whore_.

As for Willis herself, she suffered the invectives without doing anything, not showing as much as frown of hurt or a complacent look of acknowledgment. No one knew if it was because she was ashamed of her own inaction, because she deemed unnecessary to answer false accusations, or because she simply didn't care. She never looked away, never flinched, never gave any sign that proved she heard the insults or was affected by them in any way. And, more than a blank service record or a night spent at the Purgatory, it was her lack of reaction that pushed people to mock her more, blame her more, hate her more. She opposed no resistance, making it so much easier to keep spitting on her when she walked in the street. Maybe she hoped that one day people would get tired of this and finally leave her in peace? Maybe she knew she deserved the copious amount of abuses that was thrown at her face? Either way, every day she had to affront the angry faces of humans, both male and female, both adults and children, keeping her head high and walking with as much dignity as she could muster in her admiral whites. Oh, it wasn't easy. But she knew that one day, all these men and women would kneel in front of her, begging for forgiveness. And the single thought was enough to keep her going.


	2. Chapter 2

For a start, thanks to those who already have favorited this story and are following it, and thanks for the reviews!

Here comes the second chapter, and as expected it's a bit longer. The way I wrote this story makes it hard, if not impossible, to split it in different parts, so I'll keep the chapters' length around 3000 words, regardless of the lack of logic between them.

I'll try to post regular updates if you're still interested, about one chapter every three or four days.

Thanks for reading, and please review! :)

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**Chapter 1  
**

Admiral Willis closed her eyes with her lips curved into a grin, enjoying the warm rays of the artificial sun caressing her face. She leaned against the railings of one of the many balconies of the Presidium, crossing her gloved fingers and tapping the tip of her shoe rhythmically against the floor as she hummed a song to herself. She ignored the strain in her leg as she stretched it behind her, wanting to get rid of the irritable itching of a wound that wasn't completely healed yet. A few seconds later, she heard a gasp and felt someone trip against her leg, followed by an aching burn running along the fresh scar on her calf. She suppressed a hiss of pain and was quick to turn around, peering down to witness a young Asari trying to get back on her feet as gracefully as possible, her hands full of packets.

'Oh my God, I'm so sorry!' Willis apologized, extending her hand to help the Asari stand straight. 'I just wanted to stretch my leg a bit, it didn't occur to me I was getting in the way. Are you hurt?'

'No, I am fine, thank you,' the alien replied, brushing her pale blue dress with the back of her fingers. 'The dress has definitely taken a blow, though.'

Willis looked down at the tear in the soft material at knee-level, then up at the dirt covering the white sleeves – it seemed the Asari had had the reflex to land on her forearms rather than her head, which was a small source of relief.

'I'm really sorry,' Willis apologized softly once again, scratching the back of her head, definitely ill-at-ease. 'Look I… I'll buy you a new one. Or maybe you could buy it yourself and send me the note. Or maybe I could give you creds and you go buy it yourself?'

'It is quite okay', the Asari reassured her with a warm laugh. 'I did not like it much anyways. I have finally gotten used to my armor, I suppose.'

'Armor?' Willis asked, genuinely interested. 'Are you a commando?'

'I am afraid I do not have the talents required', the alien smiled softly. 'I just happen to be working for the Alliance.'

'Oh', the admiral grinned, her eyebrows shooting up in understanding. 'Well, I wish I had met you under different circumstances, Doctor Liara T'Soni.'

The Asari stared at Willis with a mix of interrogation and fear, wondering how that human could know her name whereas she still hadn't declined her identity and, as far as she could tell, it wasn't written on her face. The admiral let out a throaty laugh and leaned back on the railing nonchalantly, obviously proud to have taken the alien by surprise.

'Oh, come on,' Willis started to explain with a warm smile, crossing her arms above her chest. 'I mean, an Asari working for the Alliance? Either you're T'Soni, or a test subject escaped from a military facility on whatever planet the humans have gotten their dirty grip on. And you sure don't look like a test subject to me.'

The Asari doctor found herself unable to close her mouth for a few seconds, trying to figure out how that woman could know how the Alliance worked and state with so much certainty facts that most of the Alliance recruits themselves didn't know about. She had heard about humans leading experiments on alien races, of course, but thought the practice extinguished for quite a few decades now. Could that blonde woman work in one of the facility she mentioned? It was a possibility, for she seemed to know a lot about them. But it didn't explain how she knew an Asari going by the name _T'Soni_ was working for the Alliance. There was something really odd about her. She looked confident, with a slight note of cockiness, and seemed to know much more than people usually did, even the ones working for the Alliance itself. After all, though Commander Shepard herself saw no objection in having alien races aboard the Normandy, it was not the case for her superiors. The fact that Asari cohabited with Turian and Quarian on an Alliance ship was not necessarily considered a secret, but was hushed as much as possible nonetheless. It was curious that this woman knew about this.

When Willis uncrossed her arms to straighten the sleeve of her impeccable jacket, Liara finally saw the perfect rows of medals attached to her breast, and the four golden stripes on display on her shoulder boards. How could she have missed such visible elements of the white garment? She swallowed a gasp, realizing that woman technically was her superior – and even was her usual superior's superior, as a matter of fact. She wondered for a moment if she ought to give her a proper military salute, but decided against it as she didn't want to pass for one of the clumsy soldiers she probably had to deal with all day long. So, she was an admiral. That explained why she knew her name. She was one of the few top-ranked soldiers the Alliance counted within its ranks, so it seemed only fair she knew things others didn't.

'I apologize for my lack of observation, admiral', Liara said softly, turning her gaze down. 'I failed to notice you were…'

'Admiral Willis, Third Fleet,' she introduced herself with a lopsided grin, extending her arm for a handshake. 'Please don't stand so much on ceremony, would you? I believe our encounter did not really start out as formal, I would like to keep the conversation that way.'

'O-Of course Admiral,' the young Asari stuttered, quite impressed to be standing in front of such an important figure. 'May I ask on what ship you serve?'

'Officially, the SSV Brittany,' Willis replied with a shrug. 'But really, don't expect to meet me there, I've never set a foot inside it. I fly solo, and it works better for me that way, believe me.'

'And what exactly do you do?' Liara asked, the desire to know more about this peculiar Admiral getting the better of her. 'What kind of mission can you accomplish without a squad?'

'Straight to the point, I like that,' the Admiral laughed heartily, finding the nerve of this young Asari irrepressibly amusing. 'I would love to answer your questions as best as I can, but do you mind if we go sit somewhere? I've got this nasty wound on my leg that stings a bit, I can't stand for much longer I'm afraid. What about a coffee?'

'That sounds nice,' she nodded, gathering her packets and shopping bags. 'Do you need some help?'

'You don't want to be too close to me while we walk, believe me,' Willis smiled – though Liara noticed a brief flash of sheepishness and embarrassment in her eyes. 'And let's hope there aren't many humans in that café.'

Liara raised an eyebrow, wondering what the Admiral had meant, but knew better than to make an unnecessary comment. Willis readjusted her perfectly fitting white jacket, the rows of medals shining brightly with the light of the artificial sun, and took a hesitant step to make sure the injured leg could still hold under her weight. Once reassured, she headed for the café with long and rapid strides, the Asari almost having to scamper along on her side, barely able to follow the rhythm. After a few steps however, Liara started to feel observed, as if the weight of people's looks could be physically felt on her shoulders. She took a glance around and frowned, noticing that there were a few humans stopping to watch them pass, as if lurking in the dark to spy on a prey. It would be a euphemism to say the Asari was startled by the reaction of these people. To her, an Admiral deserved to be treated with great respect, but these people looked at Willis only with hatred in their eyes, silently mouthing words she was sure weren't marks of their appreciation. She was about to share her opinion on the matter when a middle-aged man – an Alliance soldier, judging by his shirt – whispered something.

'_Xenophile whore_', Liara read on his lips as he turned on his heels to follow them with a cold stare.

The Asari gaped in astonishment, convinced she had misinterpreted his words. That definitely wasn't an insult someone would risk to throw at an Admiral – or was it? She suddenly felt oppressed, and terribly sad for the woman walking beside her, who kept going as if oblivious to the reaction she was drawing out of these despicable humans. She held on tighter on the handles of her shopping bags and took a peek at Willis, just to make sure she was okay. The Admiral kept walking with confidence and casualness, her gloved hands tucked in the pockets of her pants, even giving a smile and a slight nod to a Turian boy looking at her in amazement. Liara smiled fondly, for having experienced the same situation a few decades back, when she had been star struck by an Alliance commander in a heavy armor, holding a brand new sniper rifle that was at least twice as big as she'd been at the time. Admiral Willis had so much _presence_, she looked so intimidating and powerful in those immaculate whites, Liara had a hard time believing people could as much as dare giving her the wrong kind of looks.

After a few minutes, Willis finally stopped in front of a nice looking café, her eyes quickly travelling around the area to make sure they wouldn't be bothered too much. There was just a couple of humans sitting outside – who didn't refrain themselves from snorting at her with disdain – and apart from them and the occasional passers-by, it was rather calm.

'What do you think?' she asked Liara with a smile.

'It's perfect,' the Asari doctor reassured her, putting her packages down on the floor.

Willis nodded and pulled a chair for Liara, before sitting opposite her – making sure she was facing the humans, to protect the Asari from persistent stares and avoid any possible incident. Thankfully, the waiter was a Salarian, and Liara noted with a sigh of relief that he didn't seem to be bothered by the Admiral sitting at the table. Obviously, only humans held a grudge against Willis, so what could she have possibly done to deserve so much hatred and spite from almost every other individual of her species? They waited in silence until their drinks arrived, Liara pondering about the question while the Admiral leaned in her chair, extending her right leg to ease the pain caused by the still fresh scar.

'Say, Doctor T'Soni', Willis started, taking off her gloves and carefully folding them before putting them away in one of her pockets. 'How is it like, working with Shepard? She's become quite a celebrity after Saren and all.'

'Well, I do not have any element of comparison, for she is the first colleague and superior I have ever had,' Liara answered truthfully, taking a small sip of the juice the Salarian had just put down on the table. 'She has been very understanding with me, and I think she is an excellent soldier. I honestly did not think I would enjoy working on the Normandy, but Shepard made me feel useful. I am glad my knowledge of the Prothean helped during the fight against Saren, and I am proud to have served alongside her. Oh, and I do not think she cares much about fame. My guess is she more likely dislikes it.'

'Totally understandable,' the admiral commented coolly. 'Soldiers are meant to fight, not give speeches blatantly written to get the support of the masses in front of cameras, or have their photos on magazine covers. I know I would hate it if every people I met would want a handshake or an autograph.'

Liara nodded lightly, staring at her glass, running a blue finger on its edge. She shifted in her chair and cleared her throat, unsure of what to say next. She wanted to know why humans looked at her that way, she wanted to know why she didn't care, she wanted to resolve just a little bit of the mystery that was this woman. Only, she couldn't seem to find a way to ask a question that would both bring enlightening answers and that would not lead to dramatic consequences. She took a large gulp of her juice and swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. He breathed in deeply and finally found a way to bring the subject with delicacy.

'But aren't you a celebrity yourself?' she asked, realizing with a pang it actually wasn't the best question she could have asked when a flash of pain shot through the admiral's eyes.

'Hard to not notice the looks, right?' Willis answered with a smile that lacked any of the warmth she'd previously shown. 'Don't worry, I understand that this indeed is something to be curious about. For a start, I am not famous at all. If anything, I'm the most infamous admiral the galaxy has ever known. As you must have already noticed, humans don't like me. They've even crafted the honorable pet name of _xenophile whore_, probably because I enjoy the company of Asari – which to them must mean that I want to jump as much of them as possible during my short lifespan.'

'Is it the case?'

Liara bit her lips and winced when the question fell helplessly out of her mouth, perfectly aware that had just committed another awful blunder. Until that moment, Willis had been nothing but courteous, kind and nice towards her, and had showed absolutely no sign of wanting to '_jump her_', as the human had put it. She looked down at her lap sheepishly, unable to believe she had just made things even worse. She wanted to apologize for having hurt her feelings, and swallowed the lump in her throat when she saw the admiral's fingers tightening around the napkin neatly folded next to her cup of coffee. The Asari reached out to pat the shaking hand affectionately, when she realized that it surely was the exact kind of attitude _not_ to have toward a superior.

'No,' Willis simply replied with a shrug, unaware of the blue hand that retreated under the table as quickly as it had come out. 'Of course not. Though if you believe I'm just inviting you to drag you to a hotel to have my fun tonight, please let's end this conversation right now.'

'No!', the Asari let escaped in a cry, drawing the humans' attention who stared angrily at Willis as if she'd just slap the alien. 'I'm sorry, I never meant… I have been enjoying your company so far and not even for a second did it occur to me you just wanted to have…'

'Sex,' the admiral finished, noticing the dark lavender blush of the doctor and how the word wouldn't come out of her mouth. 'I assume that given the reputation of the Asari race, my having affairs with some of them led people to draw the wrong conclusion. What people don't know is that I've only had three Asari girlfriends for the past fifteen years. They just like to pretend I get a new one each day, and sometimes even claim they caught me shamelessly fucking one of them in a dark corner of a street when I actually was light-years away on a distant planet – _that_ happened no later than last week, as a matter of fact. I'm known for my supposedly outrageous behavior and the life they invent me, which could honestly fill an entire book, when all I'm doing is my job and allowing myself a few afternoons of respite between two missions. People hate me, and that's all there is to say about it, really.'

'But why do they hate you?' Liara cut, ignoring another heat of wave rising to her cheeks when she realized once again the question was rather rude.

'If someday you get the answer, please let me know,' Willis sighed with a shrug, running a finger on the length of her glass.

'But there must be a reason', the Asari stated with a strangled cry of indignation. 'People cannot just decide to hate someone over the night just _like that_. Have you never wanted to know?'

'I tried for some time,' the admiral answered, biting the tip of her tongue. 'But when everyone is against you, there's not much you can do to change their mind, so after a while, I just shook it off. Ignoring them is much easier than to engage in a fight I'm bound to lose anyways. I'm sure it has to do with that unfortunate promotion. It just angers them that someone they know nothing about and who seems not to do much within the Alliance became an admiral, when heroes like Shepard are not offered the position.'

'But surely you must have done something to deserve it? I'm sure you don't become an admiral doing _nothing_.'

'I have,' Willis nodded, sipping her coffee with a sudden air of pride. 'The thing is, the kind of things I do cannot be official for it would lead to many diplomatic incidents and movements of rebellions pretty much in every corner of the galaxy. Everything I do stays between my superiors and me. No public reports, no appearance in the news. The only ones who see me during a mission are the ones I kill. I come and go, leaving no trace behind me. I guess it actually proves I do my job right when people blame me for doing nothing. '

'Are you an assassin, then?' Liara asked, getting more and more interested.

'Yes and no,' the admiral replied pensively, putting her cup back on its saucer. 'I can't tell you anything more, I'm afraid. I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation.'

She winked playfully and Liara couldn't help but chuckled with a slight shake of her head. Her smile quickly faded when she remembered the angry stares and the whispered words of hatred directed toward the smiling admiral sitting just there. It made her stomach twist with a disagreeable sensation of pain and compassion and she was tempted once again to show or say anything that would make her feel better. Willis didn't seem to notice how afflicted by her condition the Asari was, and she crossed her fingers on her lap, turning her chair to face the landscape of the Citadel offered by the location. She loved this place, and she could spend hours either staring into the blue skies, or watching the thousands of skycars speeding through the Wards like graceful birds. Intrigued, Liara was quick to set her chair next to the admiral's, wondering what could fascinate the human so much. She stared out in about the same direction excitedly, searching for anything abnormal or a bit out of the ordinary with her bright blue eyes. She bit the inside of her cheeks in disappointment when she realized there actually was nothing much interesting, until she took a shy glance at the woman. Liara had to admit, the landscape wasn't as compelling as she'd hoped it would be, but one thing was sure: the admiral sitting next to her was.


	3. Chapter 3

New chapter, with a bit more action! I know the pace may seem rather slow for now, but later there will be a lot more adventure as we'll follow Willis during some her missions!

Thank you to all the new followers, I hope you'll enjoy what comes next!

Thanks for reading, and please review! :)

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**Chapter 2  
**

There was something about her stance, as if she was ready to react if anything should happen, despite her relaxed features and the way she leaned casually in her chair. Liara guessed the admiral was used to being assaulted whenever people thought she was vulnerable – though she was convinced Willis could never look vulnerable, even in her sleep. She had such an aura of power, and strength, and wit, Liara couldn't believe anyone would dare to attempt doing anything to her without fearing for their lives. The Asari smiled softly to herself, founding it irrepressibly sweet to watch the admiral's pale blue eyes taking in the steady flow of skycars with a serene expression, as if the view couldn't be more soothing. Liara realized she probably was witnessing some kind of very intimate moment, sharing precious instants with that woman lost deep in her contemplation, oblivious to the world around her. They remained silent, Willis captivated by the spectacle and Liara unwilling to ruin what appeared to be some sort of tradition for the admiral. For long minutes, the Asari watched the woman with avid eyes, trying to understand how such a fragile being could endure so much anger with genuine indifference. Her smile, her soft features, her sparkling eyes... She couldn't understand why people were unable to see this woman could be trusted – to her it just seemed obvious the Admiral was not someone to take lightly.

Absorbed by her thoughts, Liara didn't notice when the couple of humans sitting at the table behind them finally stood up. Then, it all happened so fast that she barely had the time to blink before Willis was standing before her protectively, iron fingers clasped around the throat of the man. The woman shrieked and ran away as fast as her legs would allow her to, while the man was steadily turning blue, his own fingers desperately clinging to the white sleeve of the admiral. Her nostrils flaring, Willis used her free hand to search his pockets, seemingly looking for something she knew he was hiding. A few seconds later, she put a little gun down on her table, as well as what Liara knew to be a miniature recording device. She eventually released him, and he fell back on a chair with a mute thump, a look of sheer terror spread on his features. She put both hands on each side of the chair and leaned toward the man with a grin, her face inches apart from his. For a split second, Liara thought she saw blue tendrils of biotics flaring menacingly around the woman's finger, and she truly believed the man wouldn't stay alive for much longer. But instead, Willis simply straightened and picked the little device between two fingers, and dropped it into what was left of her coffee.

'Oops,' she grinned wickedly, turning to face the man again. 'I guess I won't be on the front page of the dishrag you call a newspaper tomorrow, after all. Sorry you won't be able to talk about the budding idyll of the _xenophile whore_, I'm sure you would have sold billions of copies.'

'I'm sorry, I'm just doing my job,' the man cried out, looking nervously around to try and find a way out. 'I never meant to cause you trouble!'

'I don't care if you cause me trouble, I'm used to it', Willis shrugged, examining the little gun with an expert eye. 'However, I'm not as accommodating when you cause trouble to my friends. Doctor T'Soni, would you please make sure there's nothing in your shopping bags that shouldn't be there?'

Liara nodded, having blanched a little and still not having clearly understood what was happening. She rummaged through the many packages at the foot of her chair, and found two other spying devices that she was quick to hand Willis. The admiral shook her head wearily and let the devices fall to the floor before crushing them to little pieces with her heel. The man winced, probably because the equipment had cost him a little fortune, and when Willis scattered the debris around with a kick, he sighed helplessly, knowing there was no way he could retrieve the data. He was more preoccupied by how the admiral returned her attention to himself, however, and he sagged in his chair when she put a strong hand on his shoulder.

'It's a nice gun you have there,' Willis stated calmly, throwing the small weapon on his lap nonchalantly. 'It would be a shame not to put it to good use, so we're going to play a little game, okay? This is your chance to shine; punishing the horrible Admiral Willis for all the wrong she caused humanity. You shoot me with your pretty gun, and we see who survives, how does that sound? Come on tough boy, get up and show me your aim.'

The man suddenly seemed to have a surge of confidence, and grabbed his weapon in a firm grip, thinking it would be his only chance to escape this deadlocked situation. Liara gasped and tried to catch the admiral's arm, thinking it utterly stupid to risk her life for a miserable journalist who had probably never even used a gun in his life. Willis just winked – and, without really knowing why, the Asari felt butterflies flutter in her stomach – and spread her arms open, as if she was asking for a hug. Liara took a few steps back, her hand covering her mouth, unable to believe the admiral was willing to go as far as getting shot to confront a man that didn't even deserve her attention. She watched helplessly as Willis nodded to the man to let him know she was ready, and the journalist extended his arm, his hand shaking so much he had a hard time steadying his aim. Maybe the admiral counted on his inexperience to get out of this unscathed? Maybe she had the certainty his lack of guts would prevent him from shooting? Still, Liara couldn't help but believe it was incredibly risky to tempt fate with so much impudence.

Liara stiffened with a shriek when the sound of a shot rang loudly – despite the size of the gun, it seemed it didn't lack firepower. To her, she was sure Willis had been unable to do anything, for she probably expected the man to not shoot at all. But to the admiral, it happened quite differently. When Willis saw the finger of the journalist slowly coming to lie on the trigger, she had braced herself and dashed toward him so fast no one had the time to register what was happening.

Adrenaline pumping in her veins and a rush of cold blood to the head boosting her awareness, she perceived everything as if time had purely and simply stopped. The world twirling around her in a meld of bright colors as she took the few steps with a rapidity that was supposedly unachievable for a human, she extended her right arm and crushed his nose with the heel of her palm, while her left fingers took hold of the hand holding the gun. She bent a little on the side as a deafening sound split the air for what seemed to be a long minute, thus dodging the bullet that could very well have been fatal with ease. Finally, she tore the gun away from his grasp and stuck the barrel against his temple, slipped behind him and wrapped an arm around his throat. Once she was sure her position was secure, she released a shallow sigh and blinked a few times, feeling as if she was finally coming back to the real world. She straightened her grip on him as he began to shift on his feet, ready to celebrate his victory for he still hadn't realized what had just happened. Within half a second, however, he gasped in shock and brought his hands to his nose, blood rolling down his chin and splashing at his feet. A look of sheer terror spread on his feature, he finally felt the pressure of the gun on the side on his head and the strong arm tightened around his neck.

'You touch my jacket with your dirty hands and I'll kill you,' she whispered in his ear as he started to struggle and was about to grab her sleeve. 'Now listen carefully. You're going to make sure people don't gossip about Doctor T'Soni and how she may be having an affair with me. If I hear so much as a whisper about this story, you're going to have a real bad time, boy. Understood?'

He nodded frenetically and when she released him with a shake of the head, he ran away as fast as his legs would allow him to without throwing a glance back. Willis sighed, exasperated, and brushed her uniform to get rid of the little creases and make sure it still was immaculate. As for Liara, she found it difficult to emerge from her trance. She had no idea what had just happened and stared at Willis as if she were a species she'd never seen in her life. She knew humans could be quick, but what the admiral had just done was beyond quick. She didn't know if she should be amazed or terrified. She didn't know if she should run away or congratulate her for her talent. She just stood there, her arms dangling on her sides, aware of her heart that was hammering wildly against her ribcage and how her hands trembled around the fabric of her dress.

'Well, sorry you had to witness all of this, Doctor T'Soni,' Willis apologized softly, slipping her gloves back on. 'I just couldn't let them smear your name. It's never a good thing for an Asari to be known for having connections with me. I've just spared you a lot of trouble, believe me. '

Liara could only nod slowly, looking at the admiral without really seeing her. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know, and yet, no words would come out of her mouth. She licked her dry lips and bent to pick up her shopping bags, unsure of what to do next. She watched in silence as Willis walked toward the railings of the balcony and leaned on it, lowering her head as if defeated. Liara swallowed hard, wondering if she ought to leave her alone and go back to the Normandy, or if it would be better to try and comfort her. She hesitated a moment, and finally decided to join her. She put her bags down and gently laid a hand on her shoulder, noticing how stiff her muscles felt under the white fabric.

'Are you okay?' she asked kindly, trying to soothe the knot she felt with her thumb.

'Sure,' Willis shrugged, offering an unconvincing smile. 'I'm used to this, don't worry. It's just a bit sad to know you can't make friends just because you know your reputation will have repercussion on their lives.'

'I'd like to be your friend,' Liara said before she could stop the words from falling out her mouth. 'Really. I- I'd like to get to know you better. I think I would very much enjoy spending time with you.'

'Until you'll start being harassed by a hoard of humans trying to squeeze information about me out of you,' the admiral sighed, looking a bit dejected. 'That's how it always ends up. Believe me, you don't want this, and I shouldn't have dragged you into this. You'd better go back to your ship, Doctor T'Soni, before something worse happens. It was nice talking to you.'

Liara was about to try and convince her she honestly wanted to see her again, but Willis had already shoved her hands in pockets and was heading for the elevator, her gait less assured and her strides lacking the confidence she'd shown until now. The Asari watched her go helplessly, definitely feeling sad for this human who didn't seem to be the kind of evil the human race thought her to be. She gathered her packets, all traces of the excitement and delight she'd felt at the beginning of her afternoon of shore leave gone for good. She drew a long breath and shook her head, following the path the admiral had taken moments ago, feeling a little bit downcast.

She made a detour to the table they had shared to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything when her eyes fell on something reflecting the light of the sun on the floor. Intrigued, she picked up the little item and finally understood what it was. A military medal. She brushed a finger against it, biting her lip when she realized it had been grazed. When she turned it around she read a short inscription engraved in gold: '_for military merit_'. She remembered having seen that medal attached under the rows of badges and pins, and she had the disagreeable feeling that this particular medal had a special meaning to the admiral. She didn't know much about Earthling customs when it came to military decorations, of course, but she was sure Shepard kept all of her medals locked away in boxes, and never attached any of them on her blues. She looked at it for a while longer, wondering what to do with it. If it was important to her, Willis would probably come back here and ask the owner of the café about it. But then, if she kept it, it would be a good excuse to see her once again. She bit the inside of her cheek, looked around to make sure no one was watching her, and slipped the medal carefully into her pocket.

She headed for the elevator, finally ready to get back on the Normandy and bring Shepard the mods she had requested. She pushed the button, her thoughts always drifting back to the admiral whenever she saw something reminding her of the Alliance. Maybe she could ask Shepard if she knew Admiral Willis. After all, Shepard knew so many people within the Alliance, she'd had to deal with so many superiors and other soldiers during her career, she had probably heard something about the Admiral, or perhaps even met her. Liara just hoped Shepard wasn't going to react just like every other human she'd crossed path with this afternoon. The doors opened with a light swoosh, and she took a step back with a gasp when her eyes fell on a bloodied leg, then travelled back up to contused hands, before finally landing on a face adorned with a black eye and a bleeding nose.

'Willis!' Liara cried out, dropping her packages and kneeling next to the injured Admiral. 'Goddess, what happened?'

'The journalist came back with his crew,' Willis answered feebly, a bead of blood rolling from the corner of her mouth as she let out a feeble cough. 'I can only do so much against seven tough guys.'

'Goddess,' Liara breathed out, hitting the button to the docks. 'I'm taking you to the Normandy; Chakwas needs to take a look at you.'

'No, don't,' the admiral winced, struggling to escape Liara's firm grip. 'I'm fine, just… Help me back to my ship.'

'Don't be stubborn, your leg is bleeding out,' she interjected, somehow managing to lift Willis' heavy body with an arm wrapped around her waist while the human clung to her shoulder.

When the doors opened on the corridor to the docks, Liara asked an officer to take care of her packets, and made sure Willis could stand without tripping on her own feet. She slowly led her to the airlock of the Normandy, stopping every few seconds as the admiral couldn't help but limp dreadfully despite the Asari's help. Liara couldn't help the wave of worry rising in her when she took a look back and saw the shiny trail of blood the admiral was leaving behind. Once inside the ship, Liara called out for Joker and asked him to warn Chakwas she was coming with a wounded admiral.

'That's unnecessary,' Willis coughed, tightening her grip on Liara's shoulder. 'A dose of Medigel would have been just fine.'

'Keep telling yourself that,' Liara shook her head, ignoring the looks the crew gave them as they crossed the CIC.

When they reached the med bay, Doctor Chakwas had already closed the blinds and was putting latex gloves. Liara noticed how the doctor squinted almost imperceptibly as Willis got through the door, but let out a small sigh of relief when she didn't make any comment. Instead, Chakwas gave a curt nod to show her respect, and motioned Liara to come closer. She patted the bed in the middle, and the Asari helped the admiral lie down, readjusting the pillow under her head.

'Liara, would you please leave us alone?' the doctor professionally asked, unbuttoning the white jacket stained with blood.

'The badges,' Willis said abruptly before the Asari could retreat to her quarters. 'Please take my badges and pins.'

Liara looked at Willis quizzically, then at Chakwas who nodded, and carefully picked the badges on the jacket, putting them away in an empty carton box. She finally disappeared through the door at the other end of the med bay, and Willis shifted uncomfortably on the bed, sensing that the doctor had irremediably stiffened once the Asari had gone. Chakwas pinched her lips and took a pair of scissors, and for a second the admiral almost believed she would have her throat slit open. The doctor simply made a disapproving noise, however, and ripped her pants apart, along with the white undershirt, leaving Willis positively embarrassed in her underwear.

'Say it,' Willis growled while Chakwas examined her calf.

'Say what?' the doctor asked, reaching for a needle and string.

'That you hate me just like very goddamned human in this galaxy. That you wished Liara hadn't brought me here. That I don't deserve to be an admiral, that I'm a lazy fat ass who does nothing to help people.'

At those words, Chakwas lifted her eyes to the sky, and without a warning, pinched the skin around the bleeding wound and pricked her needle in the flesh, drawing a hiss of pain from the admiral.

'I don't believe any of this, Admiral,' doctor Chakwas stated calmly, cleaning the blood away with a cotton ball. 'I was just wondering when Alliance soldiers would finally stop looking for trouble all the time.'

'Right,' Willis snorted, the muscles in her leg twitching as the doctor sutured the wound. 'Cause I'm the one looking for trouble.'

'Maybe you're not,' she acknowledged with a nod, splashing some Medigel on the wound to help the sutures hold. 'But surely they wouldn't have dared attack you if you hadn't titillated them beforehand. I know how soldiers work, Admiral, it's no use lying to me.'

Willis shrugged with a grunt, unwilling to admit she may have deserved the backfiring indeed. After an awkward moment of silence, she let out a sigh of relief when the doctor finally broke the string and applied some more gel, before rolling the calf into a tight bandage. Chakwas then moved her hand to her stomach and palpated the area, making sure it was just superficially bruised. She moved to her torso, and when her fingers pressed under her right breast, the Admiral hissed in pain.

'Broken rib,' the doctor informed her, turning on the scanner on her Omnitool. 'Your lung is not perforated, you're lucky. You mustn't push yourself too hard for a while, though. You're off duty for at least a week, Admiral, no excuses.'

Willis opened her mouth to protest, but remembered that doctor was one of the most inflexible of the whole Alliance fleet, so she just sighed and leaned back in the bed. Chakwas applied some more Medigel on her knuckles, washed the blood from her face with a compress, and finally took off her gloves, satisfied. She disappeared for a minute in the same room Liara had, and came back with Alliance clothes, standard issue. She put the neatly folded pants and shirt at the foot of the bed and Willis nodded her thanks, stifling another hiss when she sat on the bed. When the Asari appeared at the other end of the room, the doctor left for the mess hall, thinking they might be embarrassed to talk with her roaming around. The Admiral slipped on the black shirt stamped with an Alliance logo on the left breast, as well as the black cargo pants that were a bit too short for her.


	4. Chapter 4

Next chapter, coming a bit late, I didn't have any Internet access this week, sorry!

I hope you'll enjoy it!

Thanks to the new followers, thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think! :)

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**Chapter 3  
**

'How are you feeling?' Liara asked softly, handing her a pair of military boots.

'Better than ever,' Willis answered with a smile, glad to see a friendly face for a change. 'Just feeling a bit sad about my uniform, your doc didn't go easy on it.'

The Asari laughed lightly, happy to know she felt well enough to joke again. Willis dropped to her feet once she had laced the boots, and winced when she realized her calf was still hurting. Liara quickly reached out for her, supporting her until she found her balance.

'It's okay,' Willis reassured her, patting her shoulder gently. 'I've known worse. Can I have my badges back please?'

'Of course,' Liara answered, heading to her room. 'Never fuddled, are we?'

'Not when it comes to my badges.'

Once inside the little room, the Asari motioned to her to sit down on the bunk bed and took the little box she'd carefully put down on her desk. Then, she sat next to her and gave her the little box, and Willis was quick to open to make sure none were missing. She rummaged through the little colored ribbons and pins for a few seconds, before returning the box on the mattress and spreading the contents around. She looked horrified, her trembling fingers picking up the ribbons one after the other, apparently looking for something that wasn't there.

'Where's my Purple Heart?' she anxiously asked, her eyes frantically going from one piece to another. 'Have you seen it? A medal, it was attached to my uniform?'

Liara's eyes widened when she realized she had forgotten about that particular item, and she quickly reached inside the drawer of her nightstand, snatching the precious medal. Willis immediately sighed of relief and took the shining Purple Heart, pressing it almost religiously against her lips.

'You really care about your decorations, don't you?' Liara asked softly as Willis pinned the purple medal on her shirt.

'This one, especially,' the Admiral started to explain. 'It was given to me after my first successful mission as a special operative for the Alliance board. I got shot in the chest – I misevaluated the distance that separated me from the enemy, and I didn't reach him fast enough – but I survived and accomplished the mission nonetheless. I… I don't have much to be proud of in my life. My medals mean everything to me. My job means everything. That's why I keep going, despite everyone hating on me.'

'Don't the people notice your medals? They must know what all of these badges on your uniform mean, right?'

'I don't know,' Willis shrugged. 'Maybe they think they're fake. Maybe they just pretend they're not here. I think I could have a thousand of them and they still wouldn't like me. People are scared of what's been happening for a few years, they need to know they're protected by heroes, and I'm no hero to them.'

'But that is so unfair!' Liara exclaimed more loudly than she intended to. 'Cannot you try to tell them the Alliance forbids you to talk about what you do?'

'My bosses advised me not to,' she simply answered, gathering her precious badges and putting them safely in the box. 'They say it would stir curiosity too much, and that it would compromise my whole career. That's a risk I just can't take. Could you please hide them somewhere safe until I leave?'

She handed her the little box, and Liara put it away tidily in one of her drawer. Willis watched as the Asari bent forward, realizing for the first time that she'd changed into a fitting blue and grey armor. She shamelessly let her eyes travel up her legs, her strong thighs, taking in the shapely bottom before embracing her thin waist with an appreciative look. She hadn't paid any attention to it before now, too preoccupied by a thousand things always floating in her brain, but she had to admit that the alien had a near-perfect body. She knew it was wrong, but she had no problem accepting the truth. She had always liked Asari, and that one in particular was quite beautiful. She was interrupted in her contemplation when a VI's voice sounded through the whole ship, signaling that the Commander was back.

Willis stood up and brushed her clothes out of habit, made sure her medal was properly attached, then followed Liara through the med bay to the mess hall. She was rather impatient to meet this Shepard in person – she didn't want to see the hero, but the woman behind the public figure. She didn't know what to expect, but from the little she knew, she thought she could get on well with her – that is, if Shepard knew better than to treat her like the majority of humans. She leaned casually against one of the table and crossed her arms above her chest with Liara on her side. Finally, she heard the doors of the elevator open, and she was tempted to sigh exasperatedly and lift her eyes to the sky when the Commander stormed into the mess hall, apparently furious.

'What are you doing on my ship?' the redhead asked angrily, standing before the Admiral and pointing a threatening finger at her.

Willis didn't answer immediately and just straightened up, reassuring a troubled Liara with a pat on the arm. She took a step toward the Commander, and was tempted to smirk when she noticed she was a good four inches taller than her. She crossed her hands behind her back, adopting a perfect military stance – and Liara stared at them both in awe and admiration, for it was the first time someone looked more intimidating than the Commander.

'Commander Shepard, this ship may be under your command, but I am still your superior,' Willis stated coldly, staring down at the Commander whose cheek reddened imperceptibly. 'You should address me as such and keep your personal feelings to yourself. Am I clear enough?'

Everyone who knew Shepard could see the conflicting emotions on her features. It was obvious she shared the majority's opinion about the Admiral, but it also was obvious she balked at disobeying a direct order from a superior. It seemed as if all the crew members scattered around the mess hall stopped breathing, waiting anxiously to see what would happen. It was common knowledge that Shepard hated to be in a position of weakness and that she'd do anything to reverse the situation to her advantage, but with an Admiral standing authoritatively before her the task was made difficult. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, she finally straightened and gave Willis a proper military salute.

'Aye aye, Ma'am!' she said reluctantly, her stomach twisting with the rage to have been ridiculed in front of half her crew. 'May I ask about the reason why you boarded my ship, Ma'am?'

'Doctor T'Soni was kind enough to offer to take me to doctor Chakwas after I was savagely attacked on the Presidium,' Willis calmly explained, pacing slowly in front of the Commander. 'It is no surprise to you that I am rather infamous among my own species, for it seems you have already chosen the side you are on. You disappoint me, Commander Shepard.'

Shepard could barely suppress a strangled cry of indignation, unable to believe that the less respected Admiral of the whole Alliance history dared to call her, _the hero of the Citadel_, a disappointment.

'You and I, more than anyone else, both know how the Alliance work, Shepard,' the Admiral carried on, oblivious to the collective gasp her words had drawn from the crew. 'Have you ever taken the time to consider the question with an unbiased eye or did you just follow the trend like a brainless sheep? Do you think I could have been promoted for sleeping with Asari and relaxing throughout the year on the Presidium, as the people put it? Look at you Shepard. You fought Saren, you fought a goddamned Reaper, you united a crew of aliens under the same banner, you saved the Citadel, you've done more good for the Galaxy in a year than the Council did in a century. Have you been promoted yet? No. So now I'm asking you: do _you_ believe I could have been promoted doing nothing exceptional? Do you _really_ believe that?'

Shepard bit the inside of her cheek, perfectly aware that it was very unlikely for a soldier to become Admiral for no good reason. Even Anderson, despite an impressive list of successful missions and many examples of heroic ventures had had to wait quite a long time before being given the four-striped shoulder boards. She looked up at Willis' eyes and had to admit she was very different from what she expected. In truth, she didn't even quite know what she expected. She had never really wondered what Willis was like, either physically or mentally, only relying on what she heard people say and the general opinion. One thing was sure, if she'd met this woman on the street, she would have never bet a single credit on the fact that it was the infamous Admiral Willis. She was tall, athletic, she had a presence, and an aura of kindness and strength that was unnerving. She had a rather common face that was lit by two beautiful blue orbs framed thick eyelashes, gifting her with the gentle look of a doe. The Commander softened, her confidence being blown away like the flame of a candle. Maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe that Admiral wasn't that bad after all. She didn't shift her gaze and stared into those light blue eyes, one of them underlined by dark bruises that spread to her cheekbones.

'No, Ma'am, I don't,' Shepard answered, eventually letting a slight note of respect tint her words.

'Good,' Willis simply nodded, unaware that the crew was astounded and clearly shocked that their legendary Shepard had been tamed. 'I will not bother you any longer, Commander. Liara, would you kindly fetch my badges?'

'If you don't have anything important to do tonight,' Shepard interrupted before the Asari could walk away, ' I would very much like you to stay for dinner Admiral, Ma'am.'

'Is that so?' she asked raising an eyebrow.

'It would be my pleasure to debrief my latest missions with you and get some tactical appraisal, Ma'am. I would be honored to have you at my table tonight.'

'Well, thank you for your invitation Commander,' Willis bowed her head a little, pleasantly surprised by the proposition. 'I gladly accept.'

'In the mean time, maybe Liara could give you a tour of the ship,' Shepard suggested, motioning vaguely around. 'I need to have a chat with the Council and it may take a while.'

'If it's fine with you', Willis turned to Liara, raising her eyebrows questioningly. 'Maybe you have more important matters to deal with?'

'No,' the Asari shook her head with a shy smile. 'I'll be happy to show you around.'

'Alright then,' Shepard nodded, giving Willis a last salute. 'I'll be in the com room if you need me, Admiral.'

Willis respectfully responded to her salute, and followed Liara to the elevator, eager to learn more about this amazing ship. She had already heard about the Normandy's exceptional performances when she still had been under Anderson's command, she had already seen her majesty and perfect shape when she had boarded the Citadel for the first time, but it was something else entirely to discover her from the inside. She had to admit, she had been a little bit disappointed when she had crossed the CIC earlier – by its size, its look, its emptiness. She had expected a large open space with hundreds of led screens and dozens of crewmen working with fast fingers on computers, and instead she had crossed a corridor void of any activity and a galaxy map surrounded with a few soldiers barely doing anything productive on cheap data pads. She quite hadn't got the time to appreciate it fully, however, and she really hoped she'd be more pleasantly surprised when she'd get to really explore it.

Liara pressed the button to the cargo bay, and for a moment Willis thought it was a mistake – what interesting could there possibly be down there?

'Shepard's squad mates usually train there,' Liara explained when she noticed the Admiral's confused look. 'There's also the Mako, and a nice view of the core reactor.'

Willis nodded appreciatively and took a few steps out of the elevator once it stopped, opening on a large room. She could see people on the far end, engaged in what seemed to be an improvised fight. She approached slowly, not wanting to disturb them, and when she judged she was close enough to analyze the fight, she crossed her arms on her chest and watched for a minute. A woman with a tight bun of brown hair was trying – without much success – to pin a Turian to the floor, but Willis could already tell she would never be able to do it using that kind of techniques. When the Turians grabbed her shoulders forcefully and locked her arm behind her back before making her kneel down effortlessly, the Admiral let out a chuckle. Everyone suddenly went quiet, turning to see who had emitted the laugh, but one reacted. No one, except the woman with the bun. She sprung to her feet and quickly shoved the Turian away, straightening into a military pose so stiff Willis thought it might be painful.

'Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams, at your service, Admiral!' she quickly recited, worried that she didn't look good enough to welcome the Admiral as she should.

Willis looked at her quizzically, wondering where this soldier could possibly remember her from. She wasn't wearing her whites, nor had any badges attached to her chest – except for the precious Purple Heart – so it was surprising to get such a salute. Usually, the ones who knew her face had seen it during the retransmission of the promotion ceremony, and thus, were the ones to throw pebbles rather than flowers at her. Noticing that the hand of the LC was shaking more and more, she finally saluted back, a weird feeling of pride swelling up in her chest. It had become so rare for her to be given such a perfect display of respect, if it weren't for Liara's hand that had warmly landed on her shoulder and kept her anchored, she might have been unable to blink a tear away.

'At ease, LC,' Willis finally said with a gentle smile, taking a few step toward her to make the distance separating them less awkward. 'So, you know who I am?'

'Of course Admiral, Ma'am,' Ashley answered, crossing her trembling fingers behind her back. 'I was one of the corporals you saved from a Batarian attack in the Terminus System a few years back, Ma'am.'

'Oh, I see,' the Admiral nodded, now understanding why that particular LC respected her. 'Have you heard the rumors about me?'

'I don't believe any of them,' she quickly answered, looking a bit anxious to tackle the delicate matter. 'I don't care what people say, I know what you're capable of and I am sure you're worthy of your title, Ma'am.'

'Excellent. That's all I wanted to hear. Now, let's change topics and talk a bit about your technique, alright?' Willis asked, crossing the last meter that separated her from the soldier. 'It was good. Except it only works against enemy smaller than you. Here, I'm going to show you. You are?'

'Garrus Vakarian,' the Turian answered when he realized she was addressing him.

'Okay Garrus,' the Admiral smiled, turning to face him. 'I'm going to attack you, and we'll see if you can dodge. Three, two, one.'

Willis took a deep breath and suddenly dashed toward him, going much slower than she usually did with real enemies, but still fast enough to be able to kill him a dozen times before he could even realize what was happening. Time almost stopped, her surroundings blurred in a dark mix of grey and black, she easily grabbed one of his wrist and twisted it sharply before pinning his arm to his back. She gave a kick behind his thigh and wrapped a powerful arm around his neck as he fell on his knees. Just for the show, she forced him down, his face pressing against the cold floor, and she secured a knee in the small of his back to make sure he wouldn't be able to do as much as struggle. Time finally got back to its usual pace when she let out a heavy sigh, and everything around her came back to focus. She smirked when she noticed Ashley's gaping mouth and Liara's wide blue eyes, as the Turian was unsuccessfully trying to break free from her hold.

'How did you do that?' Ashley asked in a breath as Willis finally released the poor Garrus.

'I master nine different martial arts,' Willis answered, brushing her pants, 'and a Drell taught me a few techniques of his own. Combine that with good biotics and I can move fast enough to kill a man before he knows I'm here.'

'That's very impressive, Admiral,' the Lieutenant-Commander praised, still unable to believe what had happened. 'I didn't know you had biotic powers. Are you an L2?'

'L3, actually,' she answered, helping the Turian to his feet. 'They had me change my implants when I was promoted. Said it was worth the investment.'

'Was it?'

'Definitely,' the Admiral nodded. 'I move faster, I can control my biotics much more efficiently, and the headaches are gone. My techniques started improving as soon as I got the new implants, and the change was much welcome. Before I turned L3, I had a hard time controlling both my biotics and my stealth techniques at the same time. Now, I can rely more on my biotic abilities and therefore focus more on remaining invisible, which is essential for the kind of things I do.'

'And what do you do, Admiral?' Ashley asked, unable to hush her curiosity.

'Things the Alliance board wants me to do,' she simply replied, shoving her hands in her pocket. 'I can't tell you much, most of my missions are classified top-secret. Should I tell you anything, you and I would both be deep in trouble, believe me.'

'The way you move,' Liara couldn't help but ask, 'is it thanks to your biotics?'

'Yes,' Willis answered with a smile, knowing the Asari was surreptitiously hoping she could do the same. 'You want me to give you a few tricks?'

'No, I…' the Asari turned a shade darker, clasping her hands anxiously. 'I mean, if you don't mind I…'

'Come here,' she smirked, and Liara joined her in the middle of the improvised ring hesitantly. 'I'm going to explain how to maximize your speed with a very simple technique. It'll be easier for you to see what I mean if you initiate a shallow meld.'


	5. Chapter 5

Next chapter, right on time!

Also, I would like to find a beta-reader, because as you might have already guessed - or not - _English is not my native language_, so I'd really appreciate it if someone could correct mistakes, mostly grammar and vocabulary. If you're interested or know someone who might be, please send me a PM, thank you!

Thanks a lot to the new followers, I hope you'll enjoy what comes next!

Please let me know what you think, it doesn't take much time and honest criticism is always appreciated! Thank you!

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**Chapter 4  
**

Liara could barely hide her surprise when she heard the human mention a shallow meld. Usually, humans, and other species in general, were more familiar with the concept of the meld in its primal form. Shallow melds were more common between Asari themselves, either to share memories or knowledge more easily, and it was the first time Liara was about to experience it with a human. Gently, she started probing around with her mind, afraid of the reaction Willis might have, when she suddenly felt a powerful aura seeking for her with a conviction that was a little startling. It obviously wasn't the first time that human got involved in such a process, for she welcomed the foreign mind into her own with a disconcerting trust. Even through this meld, that didn't go much further than the few first layers of her mind, the Asari could feel how powerful the spirit of Willis was, and at the same time how battered and bruised it seemed to be. From time to time, she felt sadness, masked pain and loneliness filter through the waves of confidence and pride, and she wondered where all those negative feelings could come from. She had the intuition not all of them were caused by the way people treated her, but without going further into her mind she would never be able to guess.

_Close your eyes_, Willis whispered to her through the meld, oblivious to the emotions of the Asari. _Close your eyes and relax_. Liara did as she was told, taking a deep breath and trying to chase the sharp negative feelings that pricked her mind away. She stiffened briskly when an arm wrapped around her waist and a palm splayed over her stomach, then a brief but melodious chuckle reached her ears. _Control your breathing_, the whisper carried on. _You need to slow it down as much as you can_. Liara was almost tempted to snort, thinking it almost impossible to concentrate when all she could really feel was Willis' body pressed against her back and the hot hand that burnt even through her armor. She tried to follow the instructions as best as she could, ignoring the warm breath tickling her neck and how the Admiral's fingers pressed just below her breasts to time her breathing. _Good. Ready your biotics. Flare them a bit. _Liara rolled her hands into tight fists and did as instructed, tendrils of blue energy suddenly splitting the air. _Excellent. Now, did you feel where this energy was coming from?_ She mentally acquiesced, knowing that the biotic energy emanated from deep within her muscles, from her very core. _Okay. To control the speed of your movements, you'll need to control this energy and redirect it where you need it. If you want to run fast, you'll need to boost the contraction of the muscles and tendons in your legs._ _If you want to throw a good punch, the same goes for your arms_. _It works a bit like a biotic charge except you concentrate the energy in just one part of your body. We'll start with the right arm._

Liara shivered deeply when Willis gently wrapped her fingers around her wrist and laid a hand on her shoulders. If it weren't for the meld, she would have succumbed to the wave of heat and embarrassment rising inside her. She had no idea what was happening with that Admiral but it didn't bide well. Deep inside, she knew she felt attracted. All it took was a ruined dress and an orange juice for her to know that something had changed within her. This kind of feeling was completely foreign to her for she had never had any occasions to experience either true love or even the simplest infatuation. Working most of the time alone in deserted Prothean ruins on distant planets was not exactly favorable to meeting people and develop any kind of relationship, so when a bubble of this weird and unknown feeling had been born just after exchanging a few words with the Admiral, she had known _something_ was happening. She had found true friendship with Shepard, she had understood what it felt like to have a big family with the crew, maybe it was time to discover what love was like? She knew it wasn't rational to fall for someone she didn't know so quickly, she knew that Willis would never be interested in a relationship with a young and totally inexperienced Asari, she knew she could very well be mistaken about her own feelings. Still, for the first time in her life, she started wondering what being held in a comfortable embrace would feel like, how her first kiss would be like, what the first _I love you_ breathed in her ear would sound like. And as she wondered, only images of Willis sprung to her mind. Willis' arms, Willis' lips, Willis' voice, Willis' hair…

_Still with me, Doctor? _the whisper went on, colored with a tint of humor. _Don't let your thoughts wander too far, I can hear them._ Liara irremediably stiffened, her arm almost jerking out of Willis' hold, but she did her best to keep some kind of composure. She knew the Admiral couldn't have perceived anything of the long and tortuous path of thoughts in the deepest part of her soul, and yet, she couldn't help but feel horrified. Willis felt the sudden tension in the muscles in her arms and tried to soothe it, running gentle fingers up its length, unaware that it made the Asari feel even worse. _Okay, what you need to do is simple in theory, a little bit less in practice. Try to accumulate energy in your whole arm._ Liara try to comply with the order, though her biotics were still unstable and hard to control because of the spike of emotion she'd felt moments ago. It nearly took a minute before her arm finally glowed with a thin blue layer of energy, a steady vibration coursing in her limb from her shoulder to the tip of her fingers. She took a deep breath when Willis finally released her and asked her to open her eyes. The Admiral was now standing in front of her, light blue eyes staring into hers as if it helped maintain the contact of the meld. _Now this is the hardest part. You need to concentrate this energy in your upper arm only. Keep in mind that this will just improve your speed, we're not here to throw kickass singularities or reaves, alright?_ Liara nodded lightly, frowning a little as she tried to put Willis' advice into practice. She was used to concentrating her power in her hands, and it was very difficult for her to redirect the flux of energy farther up on her arm. After a while, she eventually felt the intensity of the vibration increase in her shoulder as it decreased in her palm and forearm. _Now, you're going to throw a good punch at me. The energy accumulated in your shoulder should naturally course through your arm as it extends, propelling your fist with much more velocity. Come on, try it._

Liara hesitated for a moment, unwilling to hurt Willis should the technique work at the first try, but when she gave her a reassuring look, she rolled her fingers into a tight fist and hit. The Admiral easily dodged the punch, taking a quick step on the side, unimpressed. _Not enough energy_, the whisper commented casually, as if Willis expected the failure. _Try again._ The Asari faltered with frustration, wishing she could have impressed her and succeeded immediately – the desire to claim attention was also something entirely new, she realized. Though feeling a little defeated and knowing she'd just missed an occasion to shine, she readied her biotics and took the exercise back to step one under Willis' attentive eye. After a long minute of intense concentration, her biotics fueled by her ambition to show what she was capable of, she closed her eyes and punched Willis again. Within a tiny fraction of second, she felt her fist hit the open palm of the Admiral with a force she had no idea she possessed. Her eyelids fluttered open and she fell face-to-face with that beautiful woman who was smiling brightly at her. She felt proud inside, but outside the only thing she could feel was the warm fingers still clenched around her fist, burning through her skin to her flesh and bones. And when her eyes landed on the silver ring adorning one of the fingers, all she could feel was a heavy ball of disappointment and bitterness falling in the pit of her stomach.

'That was excellent, Liara,' Willis congratulated her with a pat on her shoulder, releasing the blue hand.

'Thank you,' Liara answered heartlessly, suddenly feeling very cold.

'Are you… Okay?' the Admiral enquired, noting the sudden change of mood with a frown. 'It didn't hurt you, right?'

'No,' she simply replied, starting to head for the elevator. 'No it didn't. I just feel a little tired. I-I should get some rest.'

Willis watched helplessly as Liara disappeared at the other end of the cargo bay, leaving her with Garrus and Ashley who looked a little dumbfounded.

'Hum, did I do something wrong?' Willis asked them, scratching the back of her head.

'No idea, Ma'am,' the LC answered sheepishly. 'Usually, compliments don't bother her.'

'She didn't look bothered to me,' Garrus interjected. 'I'd say she looked sad. Or disappointed maybe.'

'But why? Was it something I said?'

She looked expectantly at them but they simply shrugged, apparently not knowing any more than she did. She bit her lip anxiously, wondering what had just happened – she didn't believe the lame excuse Liara had obviously invented on the spur of the moment, but she didn't know what had gone wrong either. Willis straightened her shirt and headed for the elevator in turn, determined to find out why the Asari had reacted like that.

Meanwhile, Liara had quickly found refugee in her room, trying to hide the hot tears burning her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She sat on her bed, clasping her hands to prevent them from shaking too much, and she cried. She felt stupid and foolish and maybe a little disillusioned, and she cried. After she had met Shepard, she had conducted some research about humans out of curiosity, about their way of life, their customs, and among all of her findings, she had found about the way humans bonded and the symbols attached to the ceremony. She knew what a ring on a left hand meant. And now she knew Willis was already married and that the only thing she wanted, she couldn't have. She stared at the drawer of the desk in front of her, where Willis' badges were hidden in the box, and she started laughing. As she thought about the Admiral, she just had to mock herself. She was a scientist, she was rational and she didn't believe in ridiculous beliefs like love at first sight. She actually didn't even what love was, it was utterly stupid to mourn for something she had never experienced in the first place. She reasoned herself, repeating over and over again that it was impossible for her to have pathetically fallen for the human in a matter of hours. She just felt different around her because Willis herself was different. She had an interesting personality and a story Liara found both thrilling and saddening, so she guessed it was only natural to want to know more and spend more time with her.

But then, why did she feel terribly flustered when Willis touched her? Why did she feel compelled to shift her gaze in embarrassment every time the Admiral looked at her? Why was her heart swelling and her stomach tying into knots whenever she thought about her? Imagining a kiss or an embrace had been pleasant at first, just innocent wishing upon a relationship that might have developed after a while. And just like that, it had mutated into plain torture the second she had understood it could never happen. One moment she wanted to be as close to her as possible, the next, she wanted to have never met her. She rubbed her eyes furiously and let the last of her tears dry on their own, before lying down on her bed. She'd get over it, she thought. After dinner, Willis would go back to her ship and her stupid solo missions, or to a home where a husband or wife would be waiting for her, and Liara would never see her again. Surely the Admiral was not the only one interesting out there, all she needed to do was to look around a little and not be so withdrawn when people tried to initiate conversation. It was going to be alright.

She stiffened almost painfully when there was a knock on the door, and her shy resolution crumbled at the single thought of Willis standing behind it. She stood on shaking legs, made sure her face wasn't wearing any sign proving she had cried, and told whoever had knocked to come in. Her heart fell into her chest faster than an FTL jump when the Admiral took a step inside, looking hesitant.

'Are you okay in there?' she asked softly, the door closing behind her. 'I hope I'm not bothering you.'

'No, of course not,' Liara smiled awkwardly, not knowing where to stand.

'I, hum, I wanted apologize,' Willis said, shifting uneasily on her feet. 'I'm sorry if said or did something that hurt you, it really wasn't my intention.'

'You don't have to apologize, Admiral. I was – _am_ – just tired, I promise.'

'I don't believe it,' she retorted frankly, taking another step toward the Asari. 'Are you sure you didn't get injured? Maybe your biotics don't work like mine, maybe it had undesirable effects? We should ask your doc to take a look at you, you know.'

'By the Goddess, are you always this stubborn?' Liara retorted a little more angrily than she intended to. 'I am _fine_.'

She took a deep breath and turned to face the wall, unable to stand Willis' anxious look any longer. She knew she just wanted to help, and to make sure everything was okay, but it drove her mad. It was already hard to accept the fatal truth that the Admiral was already taken, it was no use making things worse by proving once more how caring and kind she could be.

'I am afraid stubborn is my middle name, Doctor T'Soni,' Willis smiled sheepishly, aware that she ought not to push her buttons too hard.

'Yes, I can see that,' Liara shrugged, letting herself fall into the armchair of her desk. 'It's… Nice of you to worry about me, but I can assure you everything is fine.'

'Alright,' she nodded, tucking her thumbs in her pockets. 'I'll let you rest, then. See you at dinner.'

'Willis,' Liara let out before she could leave, unable to stop the words burning her lips from falling out her mouth. 'It's… A lovely ring you have on your finger.'

Liara bit the inside of her cheek, horrified that she had dared make a comment on the only thing she wanted to forget about. She looked anxiously at the Admiral, ready to let the words that would surely reach her ears break her heart into pieces. Willis' face suddenly lightened, and she extended her hand in front of her, smiling brightly at the ring adorning her middle finger.

'Yeah, it's beautiful,' she proudly approved, unaware that Liara was on the verge of crying. 'It's even more precious than my Purple Heart, as a matter of fact.'

'So, you're married,' Liara tried to clarify, bringing her fingers to her throat to control the ball forming there.

'Little chance of that happening,' Willis laughed heartily, toying with the ring. 'No, my best friend gave me that thing when people started hating on me. He told me to put it on my middle finger and show them my beautiful ring whenever they bothered me. Showing your middle finger to someone is an offensive gesture in human culture, it basically means _fuck you_. Toni's never been very subtle, but it's part of his charm. That trinket is a relic, it never leaves me.'

'Your… Best friend?' Liara asked, her constricted throat suddenly tightening even more, this time for a very different reason.

'Yeah,' the Admiral nodded. 'We've been best buddies for more than twenty years, and I wouldn't be here without him. He convinced me to join the Alliance and we signed up for the same program. We served on the same ship for years until I became a commander, then our ways got separated. We still see each other a lot, mostly in private because I don't want to risk his career because of my reputation. He's supported me from the beginning and I owe him everything. He's the Commander of the SSV Ulysses, maybe you'll come across him someday.'

'I… Maybe, yes,' the Asari struggled to say, feeling a bubble of relief and joy and hope burst in her chest that made her feel so much lighter she thought she might float around in the room.

Liara bit her lips to fight the large smile spreading involuntarily on her face, bouncing slightly on her feet. Willis frowned a little when she noticed the sudden change of atmosphere and wondered if it was a habit of the blue alien to shift moods this often.

'So…' she started hesitantly. 'You're not angry, or sad, or _tired_ anymore?'

'I've never been either angry or sad,' Liara sighed heavily, still unable to chase the smile away. 'And I just needed some time to recover, the tiredness caused by a shallow meld if far lesser than a real meld.'

'Alright,' Willis shrugged, shoving her hands in her pockets – Liara noticed it seemed to be a habit of the Admiral. 'By the way, what do you think about that technique?'

'I had no idea it was possible to use biotics to such purposes', the Asari acknowledged. 'The idea is interesting, although I suppose it is best suited for the kind of missions you're assigned to. I can hardly imagine Shepard, or even myself as a matter of fact, confront an enemy with just her fists.'

'Fair enough,' Willis nodded. 'It's true it's not extremely effective against thirty enemies armed to the teeth waiting for you behind covers. It surely works better when you take them by surprise under a good tactical cloak.'

'I believe so. It can come in handy in some cases however, thank you for teaching me this.'

'You're welcome,' Willis smiled softly, going back to the door. 'I'd like to have a talk with the engineer, I want to know more about this core reactor.'

'Of course, Willis,' Liara said with another smile. 'Meanwhile, I'll get ready for that dinner. It is bound to be eventful.'

'Oh, by the way,' the Admiral started, a wicked grin stretching her lips. 'Why'd you ask if I'm married? Interested?'


	6. Chapter 6

Here comes the next chapter that finally sheds some light on Willis' job, though that's only a very small part of a bigger picture.

I've already written 60 pages so the updates will be regular for a while (Iv'e got 12-13 chapters in reserve).

Thanks everyone for following an reviewing my story, it's really appreciated!

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**Chapter 5  
**

Liara froze as she was heading for her wardrobe and repressed a strangled cry of horror. She bit the inside of her cheek, not knowing where to stand, her hands shaking so hard she had to curl her fingers into tight fists to try and hide it. She closed her eyes, her brain working faster than it had ever had as she tried to think of something clever to answer. She slapped herself mentally, realizing she couldn't have been more obvious when asking that damn question out of the blue. Of course Willis wasn't stupid, nor blind, and it was of a sheer simplicity to deduce its more than obvious meaning. Unable to form a single coherent thought, Liara started muttering incomprehensible babbling, trying to justify herself and at the same time apologizing for being curious, under the amused look of an Admiral who was much enjoying the little spectacle. Willis leaned back against the wall with a smirk as the Asari struggled to give a plausible excuse. It was rather funny to see the alien look so horrified and ashamed of something that Willis thought utterly adorable. She knew Liara seemed to have a little crush on her – she definitely was _not_ blind, and she could perceive when someone was interested – but she had no idea why. Not that she didn't trust her charm or looks, but she was more used to people running away from her as soon as they realized who she was – mostly because her natural charm usually couldn't compete with her reputation. Liara had had to face the looks, the insults and the hostile behaviors already, it was extremely surprising to see that it didn't rebuke her, especially considering her shy and introverted nature.

However, Willis didn't know if the feeling was mutual and she would never encourage nor let the Asari think something could happen until she spent some more time with her. Liara was beautiful, intelligent and had an interesting personality, but she lacked maturity. To the Admiral, she was just like an adolescent harboring a crush on a high school classmate, and until proven wrong, Willis would consider her as such. Because the thing was, she was already thirty-three, not old per say, but given how hard it was for her to find anyone daring enough to go out with her, she didn't want to waste her time on meaningless dates. She wanted – needed – something serious, she wanted a stable relationship, a nice house somewhere safe and calm, maybe even kids of her own someday. She doubted it was what Liara was looking for and she feared that her feelings were solely motivated by the desire to expend her experience in romantic matters. Willis decided it would be better to wait, maybe go on a date or two if the Asari wished to and see how it would go. For now, she wasn't willing to give her false hopes, so she didn't dwell on the subject and cut her in the middle of what seemed to be a tumultuous inner monologue.

'See you at dinner, Doctor T'Soni,' she grinned with a playful wink before finally going out the door.

'Wait! I…' Liara started, unaware that the Admiral was already gone. 'Oh, Goddess help me…'

Liara let herself fall on her bed and buried her face in her palms, wondering what had just happened. Her impulsive question had betrayed her, and now Willis was probably going to tease her mercilessly during that fortuitous dinner. It wouldn't me mockery, of course – she had a hard time imagining her making fun of anyone, she was too kind for that – but it would still be extremely embarrassing. She sighed deeply, taking comfort in the fact that, despite the lack of subtlety she had showed, the Admiral knew, and that if she was also interested she wouldn't hesitate to ask her out. Liara, being shy and completely ignorant when it came to the rituals of dating, didn't really know if it would have been better to ask her for a drink, or invite her to a nice restaurant on the Citadel, or just wait for something to miraculously happen. At least now, she could hope for the last solution and expect Willis to make the first move, thus avoiding making a fool of herself once more. With this final resolution, she took a deep breath and headed for her wardrobe, still not knowing she would spend dozens of minutes to chose a dress for a dinner that would come to an end before it would even get the chance start.

When Willis left Liara's room and found herself in the middle of the med bay, she was greeted by Doctor Chakwas who was handing her a paper that looked rather official. She took it with a dubious stare and as soon as she read the first line, she lifted her eyes to the sky with a sigh and was quick to tuck it negligibly in her back pocket.

'Off duty for a week, Admiral,' Chakwas reiterated with a threatening finger pointed at her. 'I've already warned your superiors, those ribs need to heal and that calf must scar.'

'Oh come on Doc, I'll splash some Medigel on it and it's going to be just fine,' Willis attempted – unsuccessfully – to convince her otherwise.

'Sure, and next week you'll have to go back to Huerta Memorial because the wound will have reopened and the muscle ruptured again. A week, Admiral, and if you keep grumbling I can very well add another one.'

'Alright, you win this one,' she muttered with a shrug, heading toward the door. 'You _really_ are inflexible.'

Willis ignored the doctor's inquisitive look and exited the med bay, ready to finally see the core reactor that was, according to many, the biggest jewel of this ship. As she walked along the mess hall, she noticed with an inner smile that the crewmembers who had watched pass her not so long ago with defiance and scorn were now standing and giving her a shy salute. Maybe the little conversation she'd had with Shepard had somehow made them understand she still was their superior and that they owed to show her respect, or maybe they just had reconsidered their point of view. Still, it felt good to finally get the treatment she deserved not only from isolated individuals, but from an entire crew. She was about to call the elevator and visit the engine room when coming out of nowhere, Commander Shepard rushed toward her.

'We've got a situation Admiral,' she quickly started, clicking the security of her submachine gun off with her thumb. 'According to my pilot, five men have intruded the ship. They're armed, two of them have taken crewmembers hostages in the CIC, the three others are coming down here. The weapon locker is just over there, grab a gun and get to cover. I want the bastards dead.'

'They're coming for me, Commander,' Willis calmly stated, examining her surroundings out of habit. 'They won't harm you or your crew, so everyone keep calm, alright? Are these used for maintenance?'

'Yeah,' Shepard answered, looking at the large grids attached to the ceiling. 'But we don't have time for this, Admiral, so would you just…'

'I'm taking care of this,' she interrupted, rolling her shoulders and cracking her knuckles. 'You go sit at that table and do nothing until I tell you otherwise, is that clear? And that is a direct order, Commander.'

Shepard was about to protest, but Willis, after checking her boots were tightly laced, had already climbed on the weapon locker and was lifting herself up on the grid. She sighed heavily and tucked her gun in her belt, then sat at the table with a few crewmembers who were looking around anxiously. Willis made sure she had a good view of the whole mess hall and, crouching uncomfortably because of the low ceiling, she made her way toward the darkest corner of the tiny path. She took a deep breath and watched silently as three men wearing light armors and holding small but powerful Carnifex guns entered the room. She immediately noticed the green logo stamped on their shoulder piece – the letter _W_ printed on a dull-looking skull – and smirked mockingly, already readying her biotics in both her hands. She knew that organization very well, for it had been created especially for her three years before she got promoted, by men and aliens who had grown tired of her bringing down their every business.

Her job as the vigilante of the Galaxy – name that Willis thought pompous and fantasist, but had adopted nonetheless to please her superiors – led her to dismantle many merc bands and other criminal gangs whose intentions were too evil to let live, unlike the Blue Suns or the Blood Pack. Throughout the years, she had stifled hundreds of menaces before they even got the chance to turn into something remotely serious, like organizations that wanted the Turian race eradicated, or that wanted to dominate the Galaxy. It was common place for her to meet Volus who sought ultimate power over every other race, or Krogan who improvised themselves scientists to try and develop a genophage against the Salarian. One day, she even came across a Hanar who had for ambition to take control of the Citadel and build a giant throne in honor of the Great Goddess of the Kajhian sea – throne upon which he, of course, would sit, and bring the enlightenment of the Enkindlers to everyone who wished to stay alive. But, despite being the most numerous, those were not real threats, and it often took no more than a few well-chosen words, or a few well-placed bullets, to convince those cranks to abandon their project.

However, there were much more serious threats that she was asked to take care of, that sometimes required weeks of preparation. It wasn't rare for her to train an entire month, study building plans thoroughly, improve her techniques or develop another one that would suit her needs better, just to kill a single individual that happened to have a little too much power to be left in peace. She had special intel in those cases, forwarded to her by the Alliance board whenever they considered the case deserved her attention. The information wasn't collected by Alliance members themselves, for it would be dangerous to link this kind of borderline-illegal activities with such a powerful and widely known military force. Instead, they worked with independent agents who were kept in the dark regarding their employers and what was done with the information they delivered. This system exploited the judiciary loopholes of the law and allowed the Alliance board to get reliable intel without setting a foot into trouble, while the skills Willis possessed were remarkably efficient to eliminate targets without being seen and therefore, avoid drawing unnecessary attention.

And that was exactly why Willis wasn't talked about in the news or never appeared in official public reports. The things she did had to remain secret for if anyone knew there was a soldier of the Alliance killing men and aliens who were not legally considered as criminals – but who were on the verge to be when she took their lives, of course – it would lead to quite the uproar among the different populaces. That little arrangement, no matter how indispensible it was to protect the Galaxy, had been created exclusively by humans, and the Alliance board had the feeling it would bring them more wrong than good should the other races learn about it. Humans had never been the Galaxy's favorites and it had taken them dozens of years to finally be in the good graces of most races, Batarian excluded. It would be foolish to ruin what they had successfully achieved because of secret operations led for the sake of protecting every innocent people, so they feigned surprise when reports about those operations reached their ears. Thousands of lives had already been saved, and that was good enough a reason to consider this project a success and let it live on.

Things had become a little more complicated for Willis just after she had celebrated her fiftieth solo mission. She had flown to Omega, and as she was heading for the Afterlife, a Turian she had threatened a few days before had recognized her. Soon, all the criminals-to-be had known who was the dreaded human putting an end to every project and every growing business, and a coalition of what Willis mockingly referred to as _baby_ _bad guys_ had sprung to life, whose main goal was to – how original – kill her. They had realized soon enough that their illegal enterprises could never flourish with that Commander alive and had mounted an organization of mercenaries supposedly trained to take her down – because they had understood bullets were fatally ineffective against the unique techniques she used, and that only powerful biotics specialized in martial arts could stand a chance against her. Those mercs had never gotten their grip on her, however, and she usually dismissed their pitifully amateur attacks with a few standard kicks she would hardly call _technically unique_. She had to admit, they had gotten a bit better throughout the years, and the three men that were now pacing around the mess hall could very well be dangerous. And that was why she was going to kill them.

Willis watched in silence from the dark as one of them slowly walked up the corridor leading to the room she guessed to be the center of maintenance of the ship's main canons. She crawled her way in the same direction, noticing with a victorious smirk there was a gap in the grid, large enough for her to go through, just where needed. She crouched at the edge of the hole and took a deep breath as the soldier reached the exact spot she wanted him to be. His eyes shot up to the ceiling when Willis flared her biotics, but it was too late for him. Blood pumping in her veins, the suddenly slow and dull beating of her heart resounding in her ears, the scene unfolding before her eyes as if it was all playing in slow motion, she knew she had already won this fight. She moved so fast, sending jolts of energy through her limbs as she let herself fall in front of the man, that he couldn't even blink once before she knocked him down. She punched his solar plexus with a heavy fist, then pressed two fingers against his jugular with a surgical precision, blue tendrils splitting the air angrily at each of her movements. She accompanied his falling body and laid him down gently on the ground, thinking it might be a good idea to interrogate him later.

Coming back to her senses, the tempo of her heart having returned to a regular pace, she quickly assessed the situation. The two other men were still unaware of what had happened to their companion, and seemed to be involved in a serious conversation with Shepard who was stubbornly crossing her arms on her chest and shaking her head every now and then. The distance separating her from them was rather short and could be crossed within a second. They were occupied and wouldn't be expecting her attack. All she had to do was run, disarm them and twist their necks. Easy as pie. She breathed in deeply and blocked her respiration, letting the energy flow through her in a gentle wave, as if it were just a pleasant shiver running down her spine and down her limbs to her extremities. Time distorted once again as she propelled herself forward, the muscles in her thighs and calves contracting powerfully as she ran toward the men, their dull faces getting closer and closer, until she could distinguish their every little details. Slowly, she watched the one on the left lift his eyes to meet hers, a look of sheer horror spreading to his features when he realized she was approaching and that he would never be able to react fast enough. She gave the man a crooked smile – that he probably didn't even see given the speed with which it disappeared from her lips – and she grabbed the barrel of his gun, the sound of a shot ringing as his finger pulled the trigger out of desperation. Willis had noticed how the index had slowly pressed down the trigger, she expected the shot and she just let it go, throwing the gun away once she made sure the bullet had been harmless, and her fingers clawing down his throat before he finally suffocated and his lifeless body fell to the ground.

What she didn't expect however, were the three shots that followed, a low, almost deafening growl attacking her eardrums. She gritted her teeth and hissed in pain as a first bullet pierced the skin just above her hip, and a burning sensation spread mercilessly through her flesh, the feeling worsened by the fact that to her, seconds ticked away much slower than for everyone else. A second bullet joined the other, and Willis watched helplessly as blood started seeping from the wounds, beads dropping to the floor so slowly that it seemed they didn't want to obey the most basic laws of physics. She finally felt the last bullet hit her a little bit higher on her abdomen, pain radiating through her body like an angry wave of electricity. She bit her lip so hard it bled, knowing she still had to take care of the third mercenary before he got the chance to kill her for good. Trying to control the unbearable aching threatening to break her, she quickly closed the distance that separated her from him and didn't lose any time disarming him. She just grabbed his head in a firm hold and twisted his neck sharply, feeling her right foot slip on the blood pooling on the floor.

She finally blinked the effects of the biotically conditioned speed away, her fingers instinctually pressing against the wounds that now adorned her body to try and stop the bleeding. She straightened with difficulty, her face turning dangerously white, but she showed a surprising strength when she pushed Shepard away with her shoulder as the Commander rushed to her side to help her.

'Get me some Medigel,' the Admiral muttered angrily, unaware that Chakwas was already hurrying toward her with a few tubes. 'Fuck, Shepard, what the hell were you thinking?'

She leaned back in a chair with a groan while the doctor was lifting her shirt up to take a look at her injuries. Chakwas frowned when she saw the abnormally large amount of blood painted on the pale skin and quickly popped the cap of a tube open before rubbing a good dose of Medigel on the wounds.

'Be quick about this, Doc,' Willis breathed out with difficulty, her foot tapping anxiously on the floor. 'There're still two of them in the CIC and that gel won't do much good anyways. Fuck, let's hope your stupidity didn't get your men killed, Shepard.'

'I need to stop the bleeding, Admiral,' Chakwas said authoritatively. 'You've lost too much blood already, a few ounces more and it could be fatal.'

'You can't actually stop the bleeding with this, Doc, so just do your best to plug those holes for two minutes, then we'll send someone to fetch my Medigel on my ship, alright?'

'What do you mean, _your_ Medigel?' she sighed, exasperated by so much stubbornness.

'I mean Medigel that can close those wounds, the one you got here is useless, it can't heal me.' Willis explained with an impatient growl, ready to get back in her feet. 'I've constantly got biotic energy running in my muscles and flesh, and it simply destroys the molecular chains of basic Medigel. So now, is that clear enough or should we waste more time debating over my fascinating biochemistry?'

'Sit down, Admiral,' Chakwas scolded as Willis was standing up and readjusting her shirt. 'Why don't you just order Shepard to take care of this?'

'I think she's done enough already,' Willis hissed as the doctor rolled her abdomen into a tight bandage. 'Tell Liara to wait here until I get back, I'll send her to my ship once I'm done clearing the path to the airlock. You all stay here.'


	7. Chapter 7

Next chapter updated!

Thanks a lot to the new followers and those who have favorited my story!

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**Chapter 6  
**

The Admiral stood up quickly as soon as Chakwas attached a last pin to maintain the provisory bandage and ran toward the stairs. Shepard gave a hint of a move to show she was ready to help, but Willis dismissed it with a hard look before disappearing at the corner of the mess hall.

'What do you think she's gonna do?' Shepard asked the doctor, tucking her gun back in its holster.

'You've disobeyed a direct order, Commander,' Chakwas commented wisely, taking off her bloodied gloves. 'She seems to be a fair and kind woman, but I'm afraid she's also the kind of soldier greatly attached to military rules and regulations. I can only assume she won't let this go without a good remonstrance.'

'I meant up there,' the redhead shrugged, sitting down heavily on a chair. 'I know she's going to kick my ass, thanks. Hell, that look she gave me? I give it enough myself to know it definitely does _not_ bide well. It's just… I really thought she was in trouble, I acted out of instinct. You know me, when I hear a shot, I shoot back. I just wanted to help her and make a good impression is all.'

'We can safely argue this is a flabbergasting success.'

'No kidding, Doc,' Shepard sneered, crossing her fingers behind her neck. 'Do you think I should make sure everything's alright up in the CIC?'

'I think you shouldn't do anything that could get you into even more trouble, Commander.'

'Right,' she sighed, tensing imperceptibly when sounds of what seemed to be a big catfight happening a floor higher were heard trough the hall mess hall. 'I give her five minutes and I'll go check on the situation, though. I don't want an Admiral dying on my ship by my fault.'

While Chakwas and Shepard were having their little conversation, Willis had started climbing the stairs to the CIC. Once at the corner, she threw a quick look around the large open space and noticed one of the mercenary near the Galaxy map, but the other one remained unseen. From where she was standing, she could see three hostages sitting against a wall on the left side of the room, and two others on her right. She supposed they weren't field soldiers – engineers, tacticians, probably a navigator and a yeoman – for every one of them looked scared and didn't seem to want to attempt anything against their captors. She tried to draw the attention of one of them, waving her hand a little, until she finally crossed looks with a young recruit. She showed him one finger, then pointed it at the mercenary pacing slowly along the map, then raised a second finger and mouthed the word '_where_'?. He shrugged lightly to let her know he had no clue and she sighed deeply, knowing the missing one could very well be one of the very few members of the organization to actually represent a serious threat.

Still, anything would be better than to stand there like an idiot, and the wounds tearing her abdomen apart didn't allow her much time before she would eventually faint. She waited until the mercenary had his back turned and dashed towards him without a sound, deciding against using her biotics for it would be unnecessary and only make the injuries worse. She simply clenched both side of his head in a vice-like grip and snapped his neck as if it were just fragile carton before he could realize what was happening. She crouched behind the desk of the map as his body fell, and she caught him before the dead weight hit the floor and alert the other one of her presence. She carefully moved crabwise to the right and stole another quick peek around, trying to spot the remaining mercenary. She had a good view of the whole of the room, she checked every corner, even took a look at the ceiling just in case, but he was invisible. She knew there were a thousand places he could be but she also knew if there was someone who could find a man hiding in a closed environment like the Normandy, it was herself. If he wasn't planning on attacking just yet, she was convinced she could find him and kill him before he could make a move. She had learnt every trick by heart throughout the years and she would have bet everything she possessed that no matter how good the mercenary was, he couldn't as much as imagine half of the techniques she could use.

She crawled to the left, just in case he'd been in a dead angle and she couldn't have seen him, and just as she bent to look, she felt a strong hand grasp the back of her shirt, tugging on it violently. She had to stand up, unable to breathe as the collar tightened around her neck, and a moment later she was thrown against the desk, the arch of her left eyebrow splitting open as it hit the wooden edge. Not thinking about it twice, she flared her biotics and increased her movement speed until time appeared to slow down, the sound suddenly sounding like low angry growls, her surroundings looking like a dull, motionless painting. She turned around and fell face-to-face to a middle-aged man who simply smirked before throwing a heavy punch at her before she could do anything to protect herself. She groaned loudly when his knuckled crushed against her cheekbones, blood spurting out of a new cut, and she suddenly realized he was fast. Faster than any of those mercs she had had to face before. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, then simply smiled back, liking the idea that she was finally being offered a real challenge.

He tried to hit her once more, but this time she kept her composure and, unimpressed, dodged the fist with a disconcerting ease. She readied her own fists, curling her fingers into tight balls, and finally attacked. What followed was a ballet of kicks and punches and other martial techniques they both seemed to master. To everyone else in the room, they were moving so fast that it was impossible to determine who had the upper hand, and everything looked like a big, messy brawl. But to Willis and the mercenary, it was the exact opposite. Each move was calculated, precisely aimed at key points on the body – knees, neck, stomach – and none was wasted in a useless blow. Willis analyzed his every technique, keeping most of her own in reserve, just to take the time to see what he was capable of – though she realized after a second that she would have no trouble killing him. She deflected each of his attempt at hitting her with disabused counter attacks, watching his face distorted by concentration with a smug grin. It seemed that this fight really was important to him – maybe it was his chance to get a grade higher, maybe this was his last chance before his bosses would get rid of him for his inability to end her – and just for that she pitied him. A little.

Distracted by her own thoughts and having forgotten about her speed being somewhat altered by the wounds on her abdomen, Willis made one mistake. She misjudged the aim of his next blow, and she couldn't do anything when both of his hands grabbed her shirt by the upper sleeves. He lifted her in the air effortlessly, blue tendrils of energy floating menacingly around his arms, then threw her against the wall with a powerful biotic wave. Willis felt her breath get caught in her lungs, a soundless cry escaping her lips when pain radiated through her back to the tips of her fingers. For a moment, she felt as if she was glued against the wall, until gravity finally had her fall back on her knees. Blood was now oozing through the improvised bandage and she started seeing flies, black dots clouding her vision. She knew it was time to end this fight and stop playing dumbly around in her current state, so she quickly shot back on her feet, boosting her biotics to their maximum. The smile displayed on the mercenary's face faded within an instant as Willis dashed towards him, her whole body shimmering brightly, her arm ready to deliver what was bound to be a deadly blow. She had to admit, he reacted just like she would have done: take a step on the side and prepare his arm to knock her down with a heavy elbow blow at the base of the neck once she would have hit the air and fallen forward. The thing was, he wasn't fast enough, and she found it almost too easy to throw her fist into his face, feeling her knuckles crush his nose. He stumbled a little and she made the better of the situation, grasping his throat forcefully with her fingers, then sending a powerful biotic shock that burnt his brains and killed him almost instantaneously.

As his lifeless body fell to the floor, Willis closed her eyes and clutched the edge of the desk, suddenly feeling very weak. She blinked a few times and took a deep breath, readjusting to the natural speed of the world, though this time it took much more time before she was able to hear and see properly. She looked down at her abdomen when the sharp pain jolting in the area brought her back to reality, and she swallowed with difficulty when she noticed the blood seeping through the thick bandage and how her pants were soaked.

'Get me Chakwas,' she breathed out, struggling against the urge she felt to just lie down and sleep.

She sat down with the help of the desk, leaning against it heavily as she witnessed the doctor running towards her from the staircase, followed by Liara and Shepard. Chakwas rushed to her side and helped her lie on her back, already reaching for a pair of scissors and clean cloths. Willis moaned in pain as she removed the now soaked bandage, blood painted all over her skin and glistening on the white latex gloves. Chakwas frowned anxiously at the awful sight, knowing it wasn't normal to lose so much blood with this kind of injury. She pressed her fingers around the wounds to check if an organ had imploded and was causing a very serious internal hemorrhage, but everything looked fine – the three holes spurting out blood every few seconds excluded.

'Anything I should know about?' Chakwas urgently asked, doing her best to clean the red substance away with a clean cloth.

'My blood…' Willis started, interrupted by a feeble cough escaping her lips. 'It's more… Liquid. Cause of the biotics. Cellular degeneration.'

'What does that mean?' Liara asked, gently squeezing the Admiral's arm to comfort her.

'That means she can't coagulate and that she won't stop bleeding until we close those wounds,' Chakwas explain, emptying a tube of Medigel on the bullet holes just to make things a little less bad.

'Liara,' the Admiral breathed out heavily, unable to raise her voice anymore. 'Go to my ship and get my Medigel. It's docked… Bay E-47.'

'But… But I won't have access, I need a identification number, or something, right?'

'Once in the airlock, tell Snack your Alliance ID and your name, it'll let you in.'

'Snack?' Liara blinked in surprise, thinking she had misheard.

'VI,' Willis enlightened her before groaning in pain when Chakwas pressed her palms against the wounds in a vain attempt to stop blood from flowing too fast.

'Liara just go!' Shepard pressed her, fiddling with her own fingers worryingly. 'Look, I'm sorry to suggest this, but can't you burn the holes, you know, cauterize them?'

'I can't knock her out, or I'm afraid she'll never wake again', Chakwas muttered, replacing the soaked cloth by a new one.

'Do it anyways,' Willis sighed, struggling to keep her eyes open. 'I'm not planning on dying today.'

'You're aware this will be extremely painful, Admiral, right?'

'Known worse,' her now barely audible voice managed to let out in a short breath.

'Alright,' Chakwas nodded, getting to her feet. 'Shepard, keep your hands on the wounds and make sure she remains conscious.'

Shepard dropped to her knees and quickly pressed her open palms on her abdomen, doing her best to cover the three bullet holes, while the doctor hurried towards the stairs. Willis was now shivering deeply, her face white as a sheet, her breath shallow and rapid, a death rattle escaping her lips. Shepard watched anxiously all the blood seeping between her fingers, and a lump formed in her throat when she noticed she was actually kneeling in a pool of it. She looked around with fearful eyes, wondering when the doctor would finally come back, when the voice of Joker resounded through the CIC.

'Hey Commander, I'm patching doctor Chakwas through, seems important.'

'Shepard,' the voice of the doctor followed, strained with stress. 'I've just taken a look at Willis' medical file and this is bad. Are her nose and ears bleeding yet?'

'Wait a sec,' Shepard said with a slight tremor. 'I can't see… Hang on… Ha, yes, not much but… God, her ears are actually _dripping_. That's not good, right?'

'Commander, you need to get her down in the med bay, she needs a transfusion immediately. Everyone with an O negative blood type report to me ASAP.'

Shepard found herself unable to move for a moment, not knowing what to do. She didn't want to remove her hands from the wounds, she had no idea how to lift her without hurting her more, she wasn't even sure if Willis was still alive. It was only when one of the crewmember called out her name that she finally reacted. She had a hard time getting a strong grip on Admiral, but eventually she succeeded in securing both her arms under her shoulders and knees. She made her way to the med bay as fast as she could, ignoring how _dead_ the body felt in her hold, and how the Admiral's arms were dangling lifelessly in the air. She eventually reached Chakwas and dropped the body on a bed carefully, taking a few steps back to watch without disturbing anyone. The doctor tore Willis' shirt away with a pair of scissors, then ordered a young officer to sit down and roll up his sleeve.

'Have you got any congenital or genetic disease, STD, cancer?' she professionally asked, pouring alcohol in the crook of his arm. 'Are you following any medical treatment, or did you less than six months ago? Have you taken any drugs lately?'

'No,' the recruit shook his head, obviously ill-at-ease to be asked such questions with his commanding officer watching. 'You have my file, right?'

'Answering these questions just to file information in a compulsory medical dossier is different from answering them when someone's life is at stake, Reno.'

The officer nodded understandingly, then winced a little when Chakwas unceremoniously pricked a thick needle in his arm. She shoved a muss ball in his hand, then inserted the other end of the transfusion tube in Willis' arm, pressing two fingers against her jugular to make sure she was still alive. Once reassured, she attached an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose to help her breathe correctly, then reached for another pile of clean cloths and surgical paper. She emptied her bottle of disinfectant on the whole abdomen then washed the blood with a broad swipe before spreading the surgical sheet over the wounds. She readjusted herself on the seat to be more at ease, grabbed a pair of tools that Shepard guessed to be some sort of lasers to burn the flesh, and took a deep breath.

'Admiral, if you're still with me, listen carefully,' the doctor started, cutting holes in the sheet to have an access to the injuries. 'I'm going to cauterize those wounds, and I can't risk giving you anesthetics. I won't lie, this is going to hurt, so I suggest an arrangement. You do your best not to move, and I'll do my best to do this quickly. I'll count to ten, please be ready when I reach ten.'

Chakwas started counting softly, turning on her lasers, and shifted on her seat, slowly approaching her tools next to the wounds. Shepard suppressed a shiver of disgust when saw the red, crippling light a few inches away from the skin, her nails digging into the skin of her palms. She couldn't believe all of this was happening because of her mistake. When Chakwas reached nine, she swallowed hard, frowning in expectation, when suddenly a muffled groan of pain resounded in the room. Willis's hands started clinging desperately to the sheets as the laser attacked the first wound, a dreadful smoke accompanied with the smell of burnt flesh rising in the air. Her back slowly lifted from the bed, the oxygen mask steadily drowning in condensation as painful moans escaped through gritted teeth.

'Stop,' a weak plead arose between difficult breaths. 'Please stop.'

'Shepard,' Chakwas ordered sharply, deftly continuing her work. 'Keep her still. Reno, five more minutes, then you switch places with Dewitt.'

Shepard swallowed hard, not really enticed by what the doctor was asking her to do, but complied anyways. She settled at the head of the bed and grabbed her shoulders forcefully, pushing her back down. That didn't prevent Willis from struggling, though, and it took Shepard's best efforts to control her enough for Chakwas to do her job properly. Willis couldn't seem to remain still, her legs her trembling and twitching in pain, and more than once she tried to push Chakwas away with her feet. Her fingers grasping the sheet, she tried to get away from the burning pushing herself up on the bed, and every time she contracted the muscles in her abdomen, more blood oozed from the wounds.

'Shepard, straddle her chest, she's moving too damn much' Chakwas authoritatively said, still focused on her work. 'Dewitt, find something to strap those legs. Reno, how are you feeling?'

'I'm good, I'm good,' the officer nodded frantically, seemingly horrified by what was happening.

'Don't you think you'd better give her meds now?' Shepard suggested with a disabused shrug. 'This is nonsense Chakwas, I'm not doing gymnastics to…'

'Shepard, if I knock her out, she dies. If her body shuts down, it won't start again. Right now her heart is beating barely fast enough to pump the little blood she has left through her body, if it slows down, her brain won't receive enough oxygen and she will become a vegetable. Is that what you want, Commander?'

Shepard opened and closed her mouth alternatively for a moment, like a fish out of water, then shook her head. She took a long breath and got on the bed, settling her legs on each side of her body, careful not to crush her body with her weight. She secured her arms with her knees and laid her hands on her shoulders, closing her eyes to avoid seeing the tears streaming down Willis' cheeks and disappearing in the pillow. She shivered when she heard the lasers actively working behind her back, the unbearable crippling of burnt flesh reaching her ears, and she wondered when it would finally be over. She winced when she felt nails raking the skin through her thin shirt in the small of her back but said nothing knowing this was less than nothing compared to what Willis was enduring – and that Chakwas would probably kill her if she complained.

Willis sobbed loudly, her fingers clenching on the Commander's shirt, tugging on it feebly, her throat bobbing up and down. Shepard frowned when she noticed how her face had gone from extremely pale to extremely green. Willis was desperately trying to get rid of the mask, rubbing her face against the pillow, her hands grasping anything they encountered. She struggled against her restraints more than ever, moaning and crying at the same time, beads of sweat rolling on her forehead.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, I know this chapter is a bit longer than usual, but there was no way I could cut it in the middle without making it awkward, sorry!

The story is now taking a big turn, major revelations about Willis' past and all, but much more is coming, so stay tuned!

Thanks a lot to the new followers and those who review this story regularly, it's really appreciated!

* * *

**Chapter 7  
**

'Huh, Chakwas, I think she wants to throw up,' Shepard said, feeling her body contorting under her.

'God,' the doctor muttered, still occupied with the second wound. 'Okay, you're going to do this quickly, Shepard. Take off the mask, turn her head on the side and push your fingers in her mouth.'

'What? This is…'

'Shepard, just do what I tell you to do for God's sake!' Chakwas blurted out angrily. 'You've almost killed her, that's the least you can do! Vomiting is very dangerous for her right now, it's going to weaken her, and the stomach contractions might very well make that last wound much worse than it already is, and the longer you wait, the more threatening the contractions are. Just put your goddamned pride on the shelf and do it!'

Shepard swallowed hard, realizing this had to be the first time she heard Chakwas sound so angry with her. She shook her head, and with trembling hands she lifted the mask away from Willis' face, then turned her head on the side with a gentle move. She locked her neck in a firm grip, then pushed two fingers down her mouth until she hit the back of her throat. She felt her whole body convulse under her and a series of cough escaped her lips, her fingers now clutching Shepard's calves forcefully. The Commander repeated the operation and finally, Willis emptied the contents of her stomach while Shepard looked away and was quick to wipe her fingers on her shirt, positively disgusted.

'Has she vomited blood?' Chakwas asked, doing her best to control the sudden flow of blood oozing from the wound closest to the stomach.

'Because you want me to analyze her puke too?' Shepard grunted against herself, doing her best to ignore the rancid smell invading her nostril.

'Okay, this is it, Shepard,' the doctor gave up with an angry growl. 'Get out of here. Dewitt?'

'There is, doctor,' the officer informed her with a nod as the Commander walked away with a scowl. 'Not much, though.'

'Not much is bad enough. Thank you, now please exchange places with Reno.'

Chakwas sighed and got back to work, finally taking care of the last wound. Willis stopped struggling, her head lulling around weakly, her fingers somehow managing to find the doctor's wrist. Her face had returned to a pale grey, wet strand of hair stuck randomly on her cheeks and forehead, her blue eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall at anytime. The blood that had dried in the cuts on her brow and cheekbones had spread around because of the sweat, the pillow was stained with red because of her bleeding ears, the condensation in the mask had turned scarlet because of her bleeding nose. Chakwas gave her a compassionate look with a gentle pat on the shoulder to try and reassure her, then focused back on the task at hand.

'It hurts,' Willis let out in strained sobs, closing her eyes forcefully, a cascade of tears finally rolling down her cheeks. 'Usually… I… Hurts… So much.'

'I know, Admiral,' Chakwas answered softly, pressing a set of compress to absorb the blood. 'It's almost over, less than a minute. It's going to be okay, I promise. Just stay with me for a while longer.'

Willis slowly nodded her head, biting her lips tightly to try and suppress the sobs rising in her throat, though the doctor could still hear high-pitched complaints and sniffles filter through the mask. Chakwas tried to ignore how bad she felt for the Admiral, and at the same time how angry she felt toward Shepard. She really appreciated the Commander, and had even come to consider her as one of her closest friend. But the reaction she'd had was just horribly wrong, and that was a brand new side of her she wished she'd never witnessed. The Admiral had done nothing to deserve this, and if it was anyone's fault, it was Shepard's, whether she liked to admit or not. Disobeying orders and shooting an Admiral was one thing, but not even trying to help her when her life was hanging in the balance was another. Chakwas wondered what could have led the Commander to behave like that. She hoped it wasn't because of Willis' reputation, or because she thought herself superiors to others given her recent exploits on the Citadel. She shook her head as she cauterized the last inch of bleeding flesh, making sure every vessel was sealed and that the wounds weren't bleeding anymore. Once satisfied, she washed her abdomen with a humid cloth and attached clean compresses where needed.

'Let's move her into Liara's room until I clean this mess up,' Chakwas sighed, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. 'Reno, get some help, please.'

'Sure thing, doc,' the young officer saluted before disappearing in the mess hall.

He came back a minute later with three strong-looking men, and they carefully lifted her body. Dewitt, who was still attached to her via the transfusion tube, followed them, while Chakwas strutted behind with the whole oxygen machinery. She put the equipment on the bedside table as Dewitt sat in an armchair, and Reno laid Willis down gently on the bed with the help of the others. Chakwas fetched a basin full of hot water and a sponge, and asked Dewitt to look away as she removed the Admiral's pants. She washed her legs, her hands and her face rapidly, the water turning red just after a few dips of the sponge, then dried her with a clean cloth. She tucked her in a comfortable and warm comforter and made sure the oxygen mask was tightly attached and the IV was working.

'Alright,' Chakwas breathed, suddenly feeling tired. 'Dewitt, whenever you start feeling weak, call me.

'I will,' he nodded, leaning back in the armchair. 'Do you think she's going to be okay?'

'For Shepard's sake, I hope so.'

She shook her head with a sigh, then headed back to the med bay, sighing even louder when she realized how much work she still had to do. She shrugged a little, thinking that could wait a bit, until she had a glass of water and an energy bar, at least.

In the meantime, Liara had reached the little gunship docked at bay E-47, worrying about what was happening in the Normandy while she was arguing vehemently with a C-Sec agent who didn't trust her to be Alliance, but who finally let her board the ship after he made sure her ID was valid. Once she stepped foot in the airlock, a small drone appeared, floating around her in rapid circles.

'Asari, but not Shora,' it announced with a typical electronic voice. 'Too old to be Elya, too young to be Vilmaena. Who are you, Asari?'

'Liara T'Soni, Alliance, ID 4295-68,' Liara said rapidly, knowing she had to get back to the Normandy as soon as possible, and that she didn't have the time to converse with a VI.

'Loading data,' the drone informed her, spinning around. 'Identification confirmed. What is the purpose of your visit, Dr. T'Soni?'

'I need Medigel, it's urgent, please,' the Asari almost begged, cursing all those damned virtual intelligences who obviously didn't understand the meaning of '_urgent_'.

'Medigel can be found in many shops on the Citadel, your purpose is not valid.'

'By the Goddess, I need Willis' Medigel because it's special, stupid drone!', Liara exclaimed, feeling the irrepressible desire to slap her forehead. 'I do not intend to use it for myself, Willis is injured and I need this Medigel to help her.'

'That is a valid purpose,' Snack acknowledged, eventually granting her access. 'You will find what you are looking for on your right. Due to the size of this ship, it does not have a med bay, but medical supplies can be found next to the desk in the office. Enjoy your stay.'

The drone disappeared and Liara was finally able to enter the small ship, and realized how huge the Normandy was compared to this flying shoebox. Right on the left was the pilot seat and a reduced control panel – obviously designed for non-professional pilots – and a glass case filled with guns, ammo and grenades. Attached to the wall was a row of other medals, mostly Purple Hearts like the one Willis always attached to her suit, with a framed picture of Willis herself shaking a tall man's hand dressed in Alliance whites just above it. Apart from this photograph and despite the fact that Willis lived alone on this ship, there didn't seem to be much personal things on display. She slowly made her way to the right, not wasting any time trying to decipher all the plans, photos and maps pinned to a wall, that probably were related to her missions. On the far end of the corridor, she could see a bedroom, and right next to it a second room with two bunk beds on the right, and a bathroom on the left. She easily deduced that the office was the remaining room on the right, and she almost hesitantly stepped in, knowing she was somehow entering a private territory. She approached the desk and finally noticed some kind of pharmacy attached to the wall, that she was quick to open. She gathered four tubes of Medigel – that indeed looked quite different from the ones they had back on the Normandy – and was about to leave when her eyes fell on another photograph.

She smiled fondly as she looked at the picture, knowing the man with his arm rolled around Willis' shoulders must have been her best friend. They truly looked happy, and Liara had to admit, she'd have enjoyed seeing Willis smile at her like this. She felt relieved to have proof that that Toni wasn't a lie – with all those humans despising her, it wasn't too far-fetched to believe a human best friend was very unlikely. He seemed to be a very nice man, and she was just happy Willis still had someone she could count on. Yet, her smile slowly disappeared from her face when she noticed a second photograph, almost hidden in the corner of the desk. She took the frame with trembling hands, her heart suddenly beating a bit too fast in her chest, unable to accept the obvious truth. The picture showed another joyful Willis, a few years younger, but this time it wasn't her best friend who seemed to make her smile. She was standing proudly on the left, a little Asari, that mustn't have been more than two years old when the photo had been taken, safely tucked in her loving embrace. On the right was another Asari, possibly in her matron stage, who had an arm wrapped around Willis waist, and her other hand cradling the little Asari's head. The two of them were smiling so brightly, they looked so disgustingly happy, Liara felt almost sick. Willis had a family after all… She remembered what the drone had said when she had arrived. Shora, Elya… Those were Asari names. _Their_ names. Shora probably was her bondmate, and the little one, Elya, their daughter. That made sense. Willis hadn't lied when she had said she wasn't married, but she had obviously _forgotten_ to mention she was bonded nonetheless. She gave a hateful look at the Asari on the picture when she realized how beautiful she was – her skin was a light blue that almost matched the color of the Admiral's eyes, her crest was dotted with pretty silver scales, her face markings were discreet and elegant, and made her cute dimples more prominent. Liara has always considered herself pretty enough, but that was before she started questioning her looks, and before she started comparing herself with other Asari. And that particular Asari definitely was one of the kind she just couldn't compete with.

She had been so stupid to believe Willis was single. After all, only humans despised her and there was no reason for other species to avoid any contact with her. She was kind, helpful, beautiful, it only seemed fair that she had another beautiful someone to share her life with. But then, what if she was imagining things once again? What if these two Asari weren't her family, just a close friend, and Willis was just the godmother of the baby, or anything like that? It wouldn't be the first time she made up a whole movie and believed it more than she believed truth itself.

'Snack?' she called out to the drone, needing confirmation before she left.

'At your service, Dr T'Soni,' Snack said in his boring tone, appearing out of thin air.

'Who is Shora?' she asked, her breath suddenly trapped in her lungs as she waited for the answer.

'Shora T'Vuin is the Asari whom my master refers to as _bondmate_.'

'And Elya?' she continued, feeling her heart free-falling into her chest.

'Elya T'Vuin-Willis is the result of my master and her bondmate getting involved in a process of organic reproduction. They refer to her as _daughter_. I owe her my name.'

'That… Right. That'll be all,' Liara breathed out lowly.

Without really knowing why, she removed the photograph from its glass frame and shoved it in her pocket. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, thinking it would have been better to not know at all. She mustered as much dignity and courage as she could and gathered the tubes of Medigel before leaving the ship. She headed toward the elevator with rapid strides, wondering in what state she would find Willis when she would get back on the Normandy. She hoped she would be fine despite the gravity of the situation – she simply refused to condemn her because of futile emotional deceptions, and she would do her best to support her, whatever it took. Once she stepped into the Normandy, she instantly knew something was a bit off. She took a second to analyze her surroundings, when she realized Joker wasn't in his seat. She frowned a little, but ignored the strangeness of the situation and quickly made her way to the CIC. She gulped down with difficulty when she saw the pool of blood near the desk, the red substance smeared around in a rather large perimeter. She followed the trail, red dots splashed on the floor every few feet, and as she walked down the stairs, she heard what seemed to be a ferocious argument.

'No, that was unacceptable, Commander!' she heard Chakwas scold angrily, and when Liara finally turned around the corner, she saw the doctor point a threatening finger at Shepard.

'The fact that she put my whole crew in danger, that's unacceptable!' Shepard countered, waving around with erratic moves. 'She comes here and an hour later we got mercs taking hostages and walking freely round my ship, that's unacceptable!'

'That is no reason to behave like that, Shepard! _You_ disobeyed a direct order in the first place, and _you_ almost killed her,' the doctor stated the facts coldly, crossing her arms on her chest. 'If it weren't for Reno and Dewitt she'd be dead by now, that would have been on your conscience, not mine.'

'Yeah, well, still glad I wasn't stupid enough to waste my blood for _her_,' the Commander commented, putting the emphasis on her last word.

'Wait, you're… You're O negative, Shepard!' Chakwas suddenly blurted out, as if struck by an epiphany. 'That's… I don't know what got to you, Commander, but Admiral Anderson and the Alliance board will hear about this, believe me!'

'Right, right,' Shepard shrugged in a sickening hand-off way. 'Everyone gets back to their duties.'

Shepard dismissed the crew that had gathered to watch the brawl with a disinterested wave and walked past Liara and Joker without even acknowledging their presence. Liara watched her leave in awe, unable to believe what she had just witnessed. She quickly got back to her senses and slowly approached the doctor who was now leaning against the window of the med bay, a hand covering her eyes.

'Doctor Chakwas?' Liara said softly and hesitantly. 'What happened?'

'Nothing to be proud of, I'm afraid,' she answered with a shake of the head.

'Where is Willis? I have her Medigel.'

'We put her in your bed. I had to cauterize the wounds, we couldn't wait for you. She has a condition that can only be found in biotics. A chance I took a look at her medical file, otherwise she'd be dead.'

'A condition?'

'When she loses too much blood, or is too weak, her body can't cope with the power of her biotics. The energy makes her tissues too fragile and after a while they just break. It starts with soft tissues, like the thin skin inside the nose or ears, the walls of certain organs… Thankfully we reacted fast enough and two crewmembers were reasonable enough to give their blood.'

'Is she safe, now?' Liara asked anxiously, fiddling with the tubes in her hands.

'Safe is a big word,' Chakwas sighed, straightening a little. 'She's very weak and we mustn't exclude the risk that her body won't produce enough blood to avoid any other tissue ruptures. I'll send her to Huerta tomorrow morning, they're much better equipped that I am in case the worse should happen. You can go see her if you want. Not sure she'll be aware of your presence, though.'

Liara nodded softly and headed to the med bay, a bit bothered by her tubes now that she didn't need them anymore. When the door opened, she took a step back with a shriek, cringing when an awful smell attacked her nostrils. She took a few seconds to get used to it and slowly walked inside, taking in the horrible scenery offered to her sight. One of the beds was covered in blood, drops still falling regularly from its edge, a glistening pool nested in a small valley where Willis' hips must have rested minutes ago. A bunch of stained cloths was piled up on a trail, along with tatters of a grey shirt, a pair of surgical gloves and a pale green sheet pierced with holes. She felt bile rise up her throat when she noticed the pool of vomit splashed on the floor, and quickly walked toward her room, unable to stand the sight nor the smell anymore. She sighed of relief when fresh air filled her lungs, and she almost was tempted to let herself fall on her bed. But then her eyes fell on Willis. Liara swallowed hard, taking notice of the equipment on the bedside table, following the tube that led to an oxygen mask, and finally saw the pale face looking so fragile under the mask and the little pieces of white tape holding the sutures together on her brow and cheekbone. A small bandage was rolled around her right arm, and Liara was sure another thick one was probably hidden under the covers. She approached her desk chair slowly, as close as possible, and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

'Hey Willis,' Liara said softly, rubbing her thumb in circles on the cold skin. 'I've got your Medigel. I do not think you need it anymore, however. Chakwas said she had to cauterize those wounds. I'm glad I wasn't there to see this, it must have been extremely painful. I am sorry Shepard did not help you. It is very unlike her, you know. Helping people is what she does best, usually. I think it's because she was scared, and she blamed herself. She didn't want to make it worse. I am quite certain you will be fine, Willis. You're strong, three shots can't get you killed, right?'

Liara smiled bitterly as she watched her face, pushing a strand of blond hair that had fallen on her right eye away. She bit her lower lip as Willis shifted a little in the bed, and she turned her head on the side a little. The Admiral looked awfully distraught, and if it weren't for the steady heave of her chest under the covers, Liara might have believed she was actually dead. Her cheeks were gaunt, her eyes were underlined by large, dark circles, and the rest of her face was so pale that it seemed as if it would never get back to its original color. Willis took a breath a bit longer than the others and her eyes fluttered half-open, struggling against the bright light of the room. She reached with a feeble arm for Liara's hand and tugged on it lightly, trying to get her attention.

'Have you seen,' she started in a ragged breath. 'My Purple Heart.'

'Goddess, you're a lost cause, you know that?' Liara sighed with a smile, pressing her fingers against her shoulders. 'It must be in the med bay, I'll be back in a minute.'

She quickly got to her feet and stepped carefully in the med bay, breathing out in relief when she realized someone had finally cleaned the pool of vomit. She put on a pair of gloves, and picked the Alliance shirt in the pile of dirty cloths, knowing that if the precious medal was where it was supposed to be, she'd find it attached to this piece of rag. She examined what was left of the garment, and bit her lip when she finally saw the decoration. She carefully detached the pin and realized that she couldn't give it back to Willis in such a pitiful state. The ribbon was stained with blood and its edges were a little used, purple strings flying out in every direction. She hid it carefully in her pocket, planning on restoring it later, and got back to Willis with a sheepish look.

'I'm sorry, I did not find it,' she apologized softly, sitting back down next to her. 'I'm sure we will later, don't worry.'

'Okay,' Willis nodded slowly, closing her eyes once again.

'We're taking you to Huerta Memorial tomorrow, you need a more thorough medical attention.'

'I want… Doctor Andrews.'

'Okay, I'll inform Chakwas. I will let you rest now. I will probably visit you during your stay at the hospital. I wish you well, Admiral.'

Liara forgot just for a moment about hierarchy, about Willis' family, about the fact that this would probably be the last physical contact she ever shared with her. She slowly bent forward and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, her hand finding the way to her cheek and resting there with a feathery touch. Her lips lingered for a moment despite the coldness of her skin, and finally said a last goodbye before heading out of her own room. It had been a long day, overall an awful day, but at least she could now proudly say she had met Admiral Willis.


	9. Chapter 9

Another long chapter, but that's another part I can't cut, sorry!

Also, I know my Shepard has been playing the bad guy until now - more or less - but I promise that it will change later as her relationship with Willis will develop. It's just that relationships take time to evolve and I don't want to rush things, so please don't yell at me because my Shepard acts like a bitch (because I swear she's not!).

Finally, thanks a lot to my new beta-reader DocBon3saw for his precious help!

Please take a moment to let me know what you think, it's always appreciated! Enjoy your reading!

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**Chapter 8  
**

Four days later, Liara found herself standing in front of a hospital door with a small carton box in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. She had often heard that it was a tradition for humans to bring flowers when someone was hospitalized, and she thought that maybe, Willis would appreciate the attention. She supposed she wouldn't be the only to have offered her such a gift, but she didn't care. She was beyond trying to seduce the Admiral anyways. The only thing she dreaded when entering this room was that Willis' bondmate, as well as their daughter, would already be in it. That was why she hesitated so long in front of the door, shifting uneasily from one foot to the other, secretly thankful that she was wearing her comfortable armor and not one of those eccentric dresses. She was about to knock when she felt a presence behind her, and she was quick to turn on her feet, putting forward her bouquet like a sword – before realizing how dumb she probably look, trying to defend herself with _flowers_.

'Are you here for Admiral Willis?' an old doctor with thick glasses mounted on a nose that must have been broken twice already asked.

'I…', Liara began, heat rising to her cheeks. 'Yes, I'm Liara T'Soni. She's a… Friend.'

'Good,' the doctor nodded with a smile, punching some buttons next to the door. 'You're the first one to visit her, I'm sure she'll enjoy your presence.'

'The first?' Liara asked with surprise written all over her face.

'I'm afraid so,' he shrugged helplessly. 'Admiral Willis hasn't got many friends, you see. Toni Falagi, her best friend, wanted to come yesterday, but he had a last minute assignment. That means you're the first.'

'Alright then,' Liara acquiesced slowly, thinking it very bizarre that her bondmate still hadn't come. 'How is she doing?'

'Great,' she doctor smiled again. 'Willis always recovers extremely fast. We transfused some more blood to avoid any tissue rupture, we gave her some meds, she slept like a log for three days, and now she's well. She's still a bit sore but overall, she's practically healed. You can thank your Chakwas, she did a good job. I wish most of our doctors here had half her talent.'

'Yes, doctor Chakwas is one of the best,' Liara agreed with a nod.

'You can tell Willis she can leave in three days, with a sick leave of two weeks. I'm sure she'll appreciate getting the good news from a friend.'

He bowed his head a little and finally disappeared in another room, leaving Liara alone with her bouquet missing quite a few petals. She hesitated a moment, then knocked softly before the door opened with a slow swoosh. She took a few shy steps in, scared to find out if Willis really was well, or if the doctor had just made things sound a little better than they actually were. She sighed in relief when she saw the Admiral standing on the balcony, leaned against the railing, and she smiled when she realized the situation didn't look much different from the one when they had shared a drink on the Presidium. Willis was watching intently the regular flow of skycars speeding along the straight lines that were the Citadel's highway, her blond hair flying wildly in the breeze. Liara just watched her for a while, content to just stand there and look at the slim figure that detached itself from the bright background in her black and grey outfit. She noticed a cane resting against the railing too, and she understood that things weren't as good as they seemed to be. Well, at least, she was standing, she obviously had enough strength to walk and do things by herself, so she just had to be much better than when Liara had last seen her. She froze when Willis suddenly reached for her cane and turned around, taking a few hesitant steps on shaky legs, leaning heavily on the stick.

'Liara?' Willis frowned, stopping dead in tracks when she saw the Asari waving awkwardly at her.

'Hello Willis,' Liara smiled sheepishly, unable to decide what to do with the things she had in her hands. 'I told you I would come to visit you, so, here I am.'

'It's nice to see you,' the Admiral smiled, taking back the hard enterprise to limp toward her bed. 'As you've probably already guessed, not a lot of people have come by.'

'Yes, the doctor told me,' she admitted, getting a little closer once Willis successfully reached the bed and let herself fall heavily on the mattress. 'I got you some flowers, I think it's common practice for humans.'

'Indeed,' Willis laughed warmly, taking the bouquet that was offered to her. 'Though these are more commonly found on graves.'

'Goddess, I'm sorry', Liara apologized immediately, her cheeks turning a shade darker. 'I didn't know, I just…'

'Hey, it's okay', she reassured her with a smile. 'They're fine, I like them. Thank you.'

Liara sighed of relief and slowly sat on the bed, feeling a little more comfortable. Willis arranged the flowers in a vase on her bedside table, finding this unexpected blunder particularly funny. She opened a drawer and took out a box of what Liara guessed to be either candies or chocolates. Liara frowned when she noticed the shape of the box, and its color. A red heart. She knew that was another stupid symbol for humans to represent love, and it didn't take long for her to conclude this box had been offered by her bondmate. Maybe she didn't get the time to visit her yet and she'd sent this box in apology. That would be a rational deduction, because it seemed rather improbable that her family wouldn't find the time to come otherwise.

'Want one?' Willis offered as she chewed on a white chocolate, extending the box toward her. 'Nothing exceptional, but they're eatable if you're not too demanding.'

'No, thank you,' Liara answered with a shake of the head, not in the mood to eat candies of this kind. 'Oh, the doctor told me you'd be able to leave in three days with a two week sick leave.'

'Excellent,' the Admiral cheered as she engulfed another candy. 'I hate hospitals.'

'Two weeks seems a bit short, doesn't it?'

'That's because they know I'll be back to work at the end of the first anyways,' she smiled, randomly selecting another piece of chocolate. 'Well, work, among other things of course.'

'What kind of things?' Liara asked before mentally cursing herself for always being curious and making things worse than they already were – emotionally speaking.

'Knitting and fishing,' Willis eluded with a smirk, eventually putting the box away before she could finish it within the minute. 'I love knitting, maybe I'll knit a nice scarf for you someday.'

'Right. And a matching hat.'

'And a matching hat,' she confirmed with a nod, reaching for her hoodie at the foot of bed. 'I'll pack them in a nice paper and offer them for your birthday.'

'My birthday was three weeks ago,' Liara informed her, crossing her arms on her chest as Willis struggled to put her hoodie on.

'Well, that leaves me enough time to knit you a whole wardrobe,' she winked as her head popped out of the collar of the garment. 'I would love to see you in a pink woolen dress, you'd look cute.'

Liara couldn't help but laughed as she imagined herself in the would-look-awfully-ridiculous dress, and Willis followed soon enough, her hands clutching the side where her wounds were still fresh despite the quick healing. After a moment, Liara eventually calmed down, and watched with a fond smile the Admiral, who was doing her best to control the bursts of laughter shaking her body. It simultaneously made her feel terribly happy and awfully sad. Happy to see her happy, sad that she couldn't share that happiness. That woman was unique, she suddenly realized. No matter how many other women there were out there, she would never meet one like Willis. That smile that warmed her heart, those eyes that pierced through her like knives, that laugh that sent shrills down her spine… Liara was sure they had no equals. She stared in adoration as Willis wiped her eyes with back of her sleeve, reaching for her chocolate box once again with a guilty shrug.

'Hey, laughing requires energy,' she defended herself with a playful grin when she noticed the look Liara gave her – and totally misinterpreted it, as a matter of fact. 'I'd say I've just earned the right to eat at least three of them. Or four. You know, you really should take some before there's none left.'

'No, thank you,' Liara refused again, shaking her head. 'I think I have something better than chocolates, if you're interested.'

'I doubt it,' she smirked, counting the candies she had left. 'If it's not eatable, I'm keeping the chocolates, thanks.'

'So you wouldn't trade these against a few candies?'

Liara opened the small carton box she had kept next to her until now and presented it to Willis with a victorious smile. Willis bowed her head in defeat, and carefully took the box from her hands, running a finger through the pile of badges heaped inside. She picked them on by one and spread them on her pillow, making sure none was missing.

'Thanks Liara, I totally forgot what happened to them,' Willis said, suddenly a tad more serious. 'And do you know where…'

'Your Purple Heart,' Liara smiled, taking another box out of her pocket. 'I wanted to clean it and repair it before I gave it back to you. I can't knit, but I can sew.'

Willis gave a soft smile and opened the box with trembling fingers, not really knowing if it would still look as it used too. She breathed out in relief when the medal appeared, shining more than ever, the ribbon good as new. She drew Liara in a tight embrace and whispered a series of thanks that manage to embarrass the Asari more than anything else. She even planted a chaste kiss on her cheek before she pinned the medal on her shirt, back to where it belonged.

'That's better,' she smiled, admiring the medal displayed proudly on her chest. 'Thank you, this really means a lot.'

'You're welcome,' Liara said, trying to hide the heat rising to her cheeks. 'I have one last thing to give you back.'

'Alright, hit it, Santa Claus,' Willis said, leaning down casually on the mattress.

Liara suddenly felt extremely anxious, and that didn't go unnoticed by the Admiral – though she made no comment and waited in an almost religious silence. She fiddled with the straps of her armor, thinking it had been a terrible mistake to bring this up. Her heart hammering in her chest, she reached for her back pocket with trembling hands, and unfolded the photograph she had kept hidden there. She wondered how Willis would react when she would confront her with this picture. Maybe Willis would shrug it off casually and admit without any incident that she was bonded. Maybe she would feel bad for having kept the truth hidden and apologize for not telling her sooner. Maybe she would be angry that she had dared bringing this very personal matter without her consent. Only, what Liara didn't know was that Willis was going to have the last kind of reaction she'd have expected from her. After a moment of hesitation, she finally handed her the photograph, and watched expectantly, her fingers digging into the mattress.

A flow of emotions appeared successively on Willis' face, and Liara immediately understood she had made the kind of mistake that could hardly be fixed. She read surprise on her features, at first. Pain followed almost instantly, and soon sadness took possession of the light blue eyes, that had suddenly turned to a lifeless grey. Willis ran a finger on the picture, a lonesome tear rolling down her cheek, and stared at it for a long minute. Lost in her contemplation, she remained oblivious to the Asari ready to break the unbearable silence, and kept tracing random pattern on the glossy surface as if she were caressing the skin of the ones present on the image for real. After a moment, she looked up to Liara, her pupils dilated to the point her eyes now seemed to have turned into two menacing black orbs. With her eyebrows frowned, her nostrils flaring and her mouth contorted into a grimace that did not bide well at all, Willis looked so terrifying that Liara found it hard to believe that was the same woman who had laughed heartily at her own jokes moments ago.

'Where did you get this?' she asked in a low growl, unaware that her biotics were crippling around her fists.

'On your ship,' Liara quickly answered, clever enough not to admit she had shamelessly stole it – sort of. 'I'm so sorry, I thought you'd want to have it with you, I never meant… You have a nice family, and…'

'_Had_,' Willis spat out, trying to smooth the paper where Liara had bent it so that it could fit in her pocket. 'This was the only photo I had left. The only one, and you _folded_ it.'

'I'm sorry,' Liara apologized with a shriek, drawing back as Willis shoved the photograph into her face. 'I can make a copy if you want. It'll be just like the original.'

'No, no, that's too easy,' she shook her head frantically, springing to her feet despite the fact that she still needed her cane to walk properly. 'You… I sent you to my ship to help me and you… You just steal my things and spoil them, and then you… You just give them back, just like _that_. That's not right. It's not.'

Willis limped around the room, tripping on her own feet at each step, her body convulsing from time to time as if she were shivering because of the cold. Liara knew what it was, for she had already experienced it when she was much younger. It wasn't the cold. It was the biotics. Young Asari sometimes had trouble dealing with the amount of energy circulating in their limbs when the powers started to manifest, and it wasn't rare to witness children suddenly shaking with spasms. Only, Willis wasn't a child anymore, she wasn't Asari either, and her current health could – and would – be worsened by this kind of fit. Liara watched with fearful eyes when the Admiral flared her biotics in such a way that they had obviously not been activated consciously. Her body was struck by a powerful convulsion, and she almost fell to the floor, grasping the edge of the bed just in time to keep her balance. When she looked up, Liara noticed with a gasp that her nose was bleeding.

'I trusted you, Liara,' Willis grunted, wiping the blood with the back of her hand. 'You… You've ruined everything. I… I thought I'd found a friend.'

'I'm so sorry, Willis,' Liara pleaded softly, wondering if she ought to call a doctor. 'I had no idea how painful it would be for you. This is not what I wanted, you…'

'Then what did you want?' she shot back angrily, punching her pillow and sending all her precious badges flying around the room. 'You wanted me to tell you, hey Liara, my bondmate's dead, I'm all yours!'

'No, I…' Liara cried out, raising her arms protectively above her head when Willis' biotics flared even more dangerously.

'Then what?!' Willis roared, another trail of blood dripping from her nose. 'What could your blue ass possibly want from me when you've known me for a goddamned fucking solar day?!'

Liara hesitantly walked backwards as the Admiral menacingly took a few steps toward her, her chest heaving heavily and her eyes launching strikes of lightning. She shrieked when her back hit something and she turned on her feet, only to fall face to face with the kind doctor she had already talked to when she had arrived. He quickly assessed the situation and, apparently used to this kind of behavior, grabbed Willis with an impressive strength for a man his age and put her down in her bed. He gently laid his hands on her shoulders and started talking soothingly, helping her sit comfortably against the head of the bed.

'It's okay Willis,' he reassured her softly. 'Remember all the times we talked about this? I thought we had decided to let go.'

'How do you want me to let go of this when people keep rubbing it against my face like they enjoy it?' Willis blurted out, her body still shaken by spasms from time to time. 'It's too hard, Andrews, I can't do this anymore.'

She convulsed again and used the sudden burst of energy to free herself from his hold. She gave a hard look, full of tears, at the Asari who was watching the whole scenery unfold before her eyes from the corner of the room. Liara shivered and took a step back as Willis walked towards her, and she prayed to the Goddess the doctor knew what to do. Willis suddenly stopped in her tracks and bent forward, a dreadful cough escaping her lips, beads of blood splashing on the floor. She fell on her knees as she wrapped her arms around her waist with a moan, a heavy bawl announcing a rather rough episode of sobs rising in her throat. She sniffled and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand, staring with a devastated look at the photograph that was now lying before her as she rocked back and forth on her heels.

'Look what she's done to you, Elya,' she breathed, pressing her thumb on the fold that happened to cut the little Asari's face in two. 'Don't worry, Daddy still thinks you're beautiful.'

'Willis,' Andrews called out softly, resting a hand on her shoulder.

'Daddy's sorry,' Willis kept talking oblivious to the doctor. 'I… I should have been there for you, and I wasn't. I wasn't there for Mommy either. God, Shora, I'm so sorry…'

'Willis, snap out of this,' he insisted, shaking her lightly. 'There was nothing you could have done and you know it.'

'Yes,' she simply answered, her look suddenly distant, as if she were going through thousands of different memories. 'I know. It's just… Right. I know.'

'Good,' the doctor said, relieved. 'Are you okay now?'

'I… I think I'm gonna be sick,' she said through gritted teeth, sagging as if suddenly void of energy.

Andrews quickly fetched the basin that was kept under the bed, just in case, knowing they wouldn't reach the bathroom in time. Willis grabbed its edge with trembling hands and bent over it immediately, her stomach contracting violently. Liara cringed and was quick to look away, feeling almost sick herself when a dreadful splashing sound reached her ears. Willis let out a sob, grateful for the cold hand holding her burning neck in a soothing grip, and she sat back on her heels.

'I'm sorry,' she cried as the doctor rubbed a comforting hand on her back.

'Don't be,' Andrews answered softly, running a clean tissue on her sweaty forehead. 'That's what happens when you eat too many chocolate, dear.'

'It's not my fault,' Willis breathed, her tone suggesting she meant something entirely different from the candies.

'It's not,' he agreed with a small smile, rearranging her messy hair. 'Now you're going to take your meds and go to sleep. You need to rest.'

'Aye, _Dad_,' she answered weakly as he helped her to her feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders for support.

Once installed comfortably in her bed, Andrews handed her a glass of water and a few pills that she was quick to swallow, and she fell asleep so fast the remaining tears on her cheeks didn't get the time to dry. The doctor rubbed his eyes tiredly and made sure her vitals were back to normal, then tucked a hanging hem of the cover under the mattress. He collected the photograph on the floor and motioned for Liara to follow him outside the bedroom. Liara didn't know what to say, she was shocked and obviously disturbed by everything that had just happened, and she gratefully accepted when the doctor offered to sit down on a plastic bench. For a long minute, he remained silent, as if trying to find the right words, chewing his lip.

'Where did you get this picture?' he finally asked – though his words lacked the anger Willis had expressed earlier.

'On her ship, in her office,' Liara answered truthfully, fiddling with her fingers. 'I had no idea they were…'

'Dead,' the doctor finished for her. 'Sad story. She had a very hard time getting over their deaths.'

'She was so angry when I gave her the photo…'

'You took her by surprise,' he explained. 'For more than six months, we worked together every afternoon so that she could finally cope with the whole thing. We concluded out of a common agreement that it would be better for her to focus on memories rather than material items. This photo was the only one we decided to keep and she promised she would look at it only when she felt ready to do so. It was a kind of safeguard, if you wish. Just knowing she had this was enough to keep her grounded. She just needed to know she had something to come back to in case she'd miss them too much.'

'Goddess,' Liara breathed, suddenly feeling awfully guilty. 'I can't believe I actually stole it.'

'You couldn't have known', he shook his head dismissively, handing her the photo. 'Hard to believe a simple family picture can have this kind of consequences on a person.'

'Do you think… She'll ever forgive me?' she asked, hopeful.

'I don't know,' he shrugged. 'Maybe. She could very well hate you for this, but Willis is unpredictable. She told me she had to see Commander Shepard on the Normandy once she'd be able to sign out. I believe you also work on this ship, it could be a good idea to talk to her. She might very well try to kick your ass and have you fired, but it's worth trying – if you really want to fix things, of course.'

'I do,' Liara nodded slowly, carefully putting the photo back in her pocket. 'Will she stay longer because of what happened?'

'Hard to say. I'll know soon enough. Now if you don't mind, I have other patients to attend to, Dr T'Soni.'

'Of course. Thank you doctor.'

Liara leaned back on the bench with a shaky sigh, still awfully troubled, guilt steadily eating her from the inside. It was unfair. Life was unfair. She always had what she wanted, she had good friends, a good job within the Alliance, earned enough money to allow herself some extravagances. She couldn't complain. And on the other hand there was Willis. Humans despised her, no one thought she deserved her position, she was always alone, her family had died. That was so much beyond bad luck. That wasn't a life. It was a never ending nightmare. Liara suddenly felt sickeningly selfish. For days she had been feeding wishful thinking, stupid and immature hopes that were only to serve her interests. She had just nourished a childish caprice, just like a little girl crying crocodile tears to get the prince charming she wanted. Not once had she thought about what Willis wanted, about _her_ hopes and _her_ wishes. She had no right to feel jealous of everything the Admiral possessed, or had possessed. She had no right to hate someone just because they could claim having a relationship of any kind with her. She had no right to blame Willis for keeping her secret garden secret.

Liara didn't know how things worked and had been greatly mistaken to believe life was like the stories her mother used to tell her before she went to sleep. That beautiful, kind and wonderful Willis had suddenly appeared into her life, and she had been so star-struck that she hadn't realized she was just a human, with a past, a story, an emotional baggage. She had seen her as whole and failed to see all the little pieces she was made of. She understood how complex that Admiral was. She realized she wanted to know her – really know her, her fears, her joys, her body, her soul, her failures, her achievements. She realized she wanted to be the one to help her back on her feet and give her everything she could wish for. She realized she wanted Willis to show her what it meant to truly love. Then she realized it was probably too late. The little light that had once sparked between them had ceased to exist the moment Liara had made the mistake to bring about the memory of something that could never be any longer. Rekindling that flame was not her call anymore. This time, all she could do was letting fate decide if she was worthy of the Admiral or not. And she promised to the Goddess that if life would give her a second chance, she would do her best not to waste it.

Liara stood up slowly, a little lost in the middle of the crowd of patients, doctors and visitors, disoriented by the millions of thoughts running about her brain. Instinctively, she started walking toward the Admiral's bedroom, and soon she was standing behind the glass window separating her from the woman she wanted. She noticed with a pang in her stomach that all the little badges were scattered around the room, that the box of chocolates had fallen from the bed, that the doctor had judged necessary to put an oxygen mask over her pale face. She hesitated a moment, wondering if Willis would notice her presence if she came in. And then she simply walked away, without throwing a single glance behind her.


	10. Chapter 10

First, the reviews I'm getting about Willis being a Mary Sue are getting old. I get it, I respect your opinion, but what can I say? I know you're right and I can totally understand your POV. It's hard to convey the right emotions in just a few chapters, and this is just a very little part of the picture I want to paint of this character, so if you're patient you might reconsider you view (no one's forcing you to read, though, so if you don't like this story, don't read it and voilà!).

Thanks to those who still follow this story and review it regularly, it's really appreciated!

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**Chapter 9  
**

For days, Liara spent her time wandering aimlessly around the CIC, unable to focus on her studies, expecting Willis to come out of the airlock at any moment. For days, Shepard remained alone in her quarters, sitting expectantly in front of her terminal in case a message from the Admiral would pop up on the screen. They both knew Willis was going to come, sooner or later, and they both knew that the day she would finally walk down the corridor to the CIC would probably be one of those days that were hard to forget, and not for the good reasons. A week after Liara had gone to visit Willis at the hospital, that day finally came.

'Admiral Willis is asking for permission to board, Commander,' Joker announced, his tone heavier than usual.

'Permission granted,' Shepard said, her tongue feeling like a thick piece of cardboard.

The atmosphere in the whole ship suddenly shifted, the usual chatters and other friendly conversations abruptly being interrupted when the airlock opened. The whole crew stopped moving, straightening their backs and preparing to give a proper military salute whenever the Admiral would walk past them. Shepard crossed her hands behind her back, ready to get the treatment she deserved, only hoping she'd still be the commanding officer of her ship in the following hour. Liara simply tried to hide in a corner, fiddling anxiously with her fingers, almost tempted to run away and lock herself up in her room. She held her breath when she heard the first shy but respectful _Ma'am_ and _Admiral _echoing on her right, and she felt her stomach twist every time her voice followed. Unable to ignore her any longer, Liara looked up slowly, taking a quick glance toward the corridor. And there she was. Admiral Willis, in her impeccable Alliance whites, the perfect rows of badges aligned above the shining Purple Heart, the golden stripes on her shoulder boards reflecting the light of the spots above her head. She still had her cane, although she walked with more ease and she seemed to limp a little less. Liara watched as she proudly made her way toward the center of the CIC, and noticed with a disagreeable pang that she didn't look as kind as she usually did. Her face was cold, her features locked in an emotionless expression, and it was obvious she hadn't come to play the forgiving soul. The Asari had to admit, she didn't know Willis could look so intimidating, and her pinched lips made her look so severe she really started to fear for the Commander.

Liara's breath got caught in her throat when Willis met her eyes and she found herself unable to move, her arms glued to her side and her mouth sealed. The Admiral frowned and took a few steps towards her, so focused on the blue alien that she completely ignored the two officers who were waiting for the authorization to stand at ease. She stopped a few inches away from Liara's face, and squinted dangerously, her two hands resting on the top of her cane.

'I believe you are a member of this crew, Dr T'Soni,' she said lowly, staring into her blue eyes. 'Isn't that right?'

'I… It is,' Liara stuttered, her mouth so dry she had trouble forming the words correctly.

'It is?' Willis asked, raising an eyebrow as if she expected something more.

'Yes,' the Asari continued, her eyes drifting to the side when she saw an officer trying to get her attention on the right. 'I mean, that's right.'

'Who do you think I am, T'Soni?' the Admiral asked, thinking this definitely was a good – though incomplete – revenge.

'I…' Liara hesitated, rocking back and forth on her feet, taking another peek at the young officer. 'Oh, right, you're my superior, Ma'am.'

'_Oh_, _right?_' Willis parroted, clicking her tongue impatiently. 'Do you think this is a proper way to address a superior?'

'No, Ma'am,' she finally answered correctly, realizing Willis was doing this just to ridicule her. 'I'm sorry, Ma'am.'

'Good,' the Admiral nodded strictly. 'Try to remember it next time. You wouldn't want a disciplinary sanction, would you?'

'No Ma'am,' Liara struggled to let out despite her constricted throat, deciding this was a facet of Willis she wished she'd never seen.

Liara let out a discreet sigh of relief when Willis finally left her alone, and felt the irrepressible desire to get as far as possible from this despicable situation. She just watched, however, like the others, and this time she really felt bad for Shepard. If Willis could be so heinous towards a shy Asari who still wasn't used to the formal expressions used to address superior ranks, she could barely imagine what kind of misery the Commander would suffer before the Admiral would judge the fault repaired. Shepard felt exactly the same, and she was scared to find out what Willis had planned for her. She just waited for her sentence, knowing there was no way she could escape, each step the Admiral was taking towards her sending a shiver down her spine. After seconds that seemed to last an eternity, Willis eventually stopped in front of the Commander, unaware that the whole crew had stopped breathing and were watching with avid eyes the scene unfold.

'Admiral, Ma'am,' Shepard saluted, a cold bead of sweat rolling down her back.

'Commander Shepard', she saluted back before putting her cane against the desk of the galaxy map, as if she didn't want to look in a lesser position.

'I know it is unnecessary to apologize, Ma'am, but…' she started, hoping to raise her chances to escape trouble.

'You're right,' she interrupted coldly, crossing her hands behind her back. 'Unnecessary and extremely dangerous. We both know why I'm here and I won't tolerate any insidious attempt at flattery or seduction. What's done is done, it's no use trying to plead for a cause that is already lost anyways. Would you rather know what your sanction is first, or should I explain more clearly what you're charged with?'

'I already know what I've done, Ma'am,' Shepard answered, her heart hammering loudly against her ribcage. 'Let's start with the worse.'

'Fair enough,' Willis nodded, taking out a letter sealed with an Alliance stamp of her pocket. 'I have here a document signed by each member of the Alliance board. Until further notice, the Normandy is no longer under your command, and you are temporarily barred from your status of Commander of the Alliance. You are to remain within range of Citadel space for the coming month should you be needed for a more thorough examination of your dossier. You are forbidden to set foot on any Alliance vessel without a proper authorization that only I can deliver. You are forbidden to claim you are a member of the Alliance, to wear Alliance colors, and you shall not use any weapon financed by the Alliance. You can ask for your dossier to be re-evaluated, you can verify the information filed and ask for correction in case something has not been reported rightfully, you can ask for a monetary compensation that must not exceed a thousand credits per month. These rights are discretionary and any request can be met by either a positive or negative answer that must be delivered to you in a maximum of twenty-four hours following the request. Any questions?'

A long silence followed, as if everyone was too shocked too say or do anything, as if no one could believe it was happening for real. Shepard bit the inside of her cheek, doing her best to hide how hard it was to cope with the dreadful news. Outside, she showed no sign that she was particularly affected – though Willis understood right away that was only a façade, and a poorly built one. Inside, her stomach twisted with bitterness, her heart missed a few beats before shattering in little pieces, and her lungs felt as if they were about to implode. She hooked her fingers behind her back and clenched her teeth, too proud to break down in front of her, too clever to contest the sanction, too devastated to raise her voice above a whisper. It was the first time she felt so much anger and so much hate for a superior. She knew that what she had done was highly punishable, but that sanction was beyond anything she had imagined.

'The exact charges?' she simply asked, not giving her the pleasure to look down.

'You disobeyed a direct order from a superior, Shepard,' Willis coolly said. 'That alone is a mistake serious enough to rid you of your status.'

'I asked for the exact charges,' Shepard repeated, refusing to bend under the obvious abuse of authority.

'Very well. You disobeyed a direct order from a superior, you shot three times in a row at a superior, you put your life and the ones of your crew in danger, and you refused to assist a doctor as she was trying to save a superior,' Willis listed, staring down at the Commander. 'You do not seem to realize how serious the first accusation is Shepard. What do you think is the worst thing that could have happened?'

'I could have killed you, Ma'am,' Shepard answered, finally lowering her eyes.

'Wrong answer,' the Admiral said, crossing her arms above her chest. 'And look at me when I talk to you Shepard. So, any more ideas?'

'No, Ma'am,' she grunted, meeting the icy blue eyes against her will.

'Then listen carefully: I do not give a goddamned fuck that you could have killed me. Shit happens, if it wasn't you last week, it'll be a merc next month, a lost bullet next year, a stroke when I'll hit forty. That's not important Shepard. What's important is your crew. You are their superior, they look up to you, you're their model. They put their pride and their souls in your open palms, you're the one taking the decisions, you're the one who judges what can be done, what can't, when to attack, when to retreat, how a situation needs to be handled. You give orders, they follow them. It's simple, but it works. You know why?'

'No, Ma'am.'

'Because they fucking trust you, Shepard. Every time you tell them to do something, they do it without questioning your goals or your motives. They just know they have to do it, because you're the one in command and you know what's best for them. But then, what happens when they realize their commanding officer is a stupid red-furred Pyjack who loves power but can't accept the hierarchy that is fatally attached to it?'

'They stop trusting her, Ma'am,' Shepard answered bitterly, knowing she was right.

'They stop trusting her,' Willis agreed with a sharp nod. 'And _that_ is the worst that could have happened. It doesn't take long for a distrusting crew to rot to the bone, and before you know it everyone will start disobeying, contesting your every order and shoving the rules up their asses. A Commander needs to know how to give orders – that part you handle right. A good Commander needs to know how to follow them. You're not a good Commander, Shepard, and until you learn the basics of hierarchy and why it keeps the whole system afloat, you are not worthy of your position. Pack your things, change into civilian clothes and meet me outside in ten minutes.'

Shepard simply bowed her head a little – after all, she wasn't Alliance anymore, their rules didn't apply to her – and headed toward to the elevator, doing her best to not meet any compassionate pair of eyes as she walked past her former crew. All the soldiers present in the room remained silent even after she disappeared, staring with empty eyes at where she'd been standing for the past quarter. They couldn't believe their Commander was unjustly being ousted of her ship. She didn't deserve this, especially not after everything she had done to keep the galaxy safe. None of them could complain about the way she had treated them and they obviously doubted anyone could ever distrust her. This was all nonsense. They watched with a mix of anger and incomprehension as Willis reached for her cane and followed the path Shepard had taken moments before. She sighed dramatically as she noticed the looks the crew was giving her and faced them, unscathed by their hostile behavior.

'If it weren't for me, the Normandy would already be on dry dock, Shepard would have been fired and you'd all be scattered on different ships, stupid monkeys,' she told them with a grunt, readjusting the Purple Heart on her breast. 'I'm no magician but I'm doing my best, so stop staring at me like I'm a thresher maw that just ate her. Everyone back to their duties. T'Soni, wait for me in your room, and in case you were wondering, yes, that is a direct order I strongly advise to follow.'

The crewmembers watched with a flabbergasted look as Willis shrugged, lifting her eyes to the sky, and headed to the elevator. She pushed the button with an assured punch and sighed again at the obvious slowness of the whole machinery. After what felt like an eternity, she finally reached Shepard's quarters, and stopped in front of the door before it opened with a swoosh. She stepped in carefully, observing with an innocent curiosity the room, her eyes stopping momentarily on the ship models exposed behind two large glass cases and the fish tanks that covered a great part of the left wall. Then she finally noticed the large bag on the bed, the open drawers and closets, and how Shepard sat on her desk chair, her shoulders sagged, her face buried in her hands, her body shaking with cries. Willis cleared her throat and pretended to be interested by the fish tanks, offering her a chance to save the last of her dignity and dry her tears before she could see them.

'Nice fish,' she commented casually, tapping a finger against the glass.

'What are you doing here?' Shepard asked in a voice strained with hurt and anger.

'Making sure that one of the best Commanders of the Alliance doesn't go to waste,' Willis answered, eventually turning to face her.

'As if you care,' the redhead shrugged, violently zipping her bag closed.

'I've just spent three days arguing with the Alliance disciplinary council to save your ass, so yes, I can safely argue I care.'

'Sure, so that little speech down in the CIC was just for the show?'

'Sort of. Whether I had been gentle or not, it doesn't change your fate anyways, does it?'

'Right,' she dismissed the information with a disinterested wave. 'Thanks a lot for letting my crew know I'm a bitch, and thanks for snatching the Normandy away from me, I fear I was getting a bit too attached to her. Oh, I forgot, thank you _so much_ for offering some holidays, I'll send you a postcard from the Citadel space, I hear it is quite beautiful at this period of the year.'

'Trust me, you don't want to play that game with me, Shepard,' Willis threatened under her breath, grasping the collar of her leather jacket. 'I don't like you and I'm not looking for a friend. Hate me as much as you want, insult me and spit at me, I don't give a shit. Now, look into my eyes and tell me this job is not important to you.'

'This job is not important to me,' Shepard said angrily, staring into the bright blue eyes defiantly.

'Can you do this again without pissing your pants?' the Admiral asked, raising her eyebrows. 'You're going to have to do better than this to convince me.'

'I didn't piss my pants,' she spat, throwing her bag on her shoulder. 'And I don't need to convince you of anything. You're nothing to me and I don't need your help.'

'There're only two kinds of persons who can be true soldiers,' Willis commented before Shepard could go. 'The ones born to be soldiers, and the ones who have nothing to lose. What do you have to lose Shepard?'

The redhead tried to find something to shoot back, possibly rude and hurtful, but nothing came to her mind. She was just flustered that the Admiral said this as if she had infused science, as if there was nothing she couldn't know or guess. She assumed Shepard was in the first category, not even giving her the opportunity to let herself decide which one she belonged in – if she belonged in one of them at all. She wanted to lie just to feel the satisfaction to prove her wrong, but deep inside she knew Willis had read her like an open book. Even if she did lie, the Admiral wouldn't be duped, so it was just no use to waste her breath for nothing. Before she could stop them, her eyes naturally searched for holopicture she always kept on her desk, and Willis was smart enough to follow the direction of her glance.

'Ha, I see,' she smiled when she noticed the frame. 'Engineer Glenwood, First Fleet, is that right? Nice woman, very capable.'

'Yeah, so what?', Shepard shrugged, shoving the frame in her bag. 'You're gonna add fraternization to the list of charges?'

'That depends. If you can answer my question, maybe. If you can't, I won't.'

'You're aware this is ridiculous, right?' she sneered, cocking her head to the side. 'Come on Willis, I'm not dumb enough to…'

'What are you going to do with your life if you can never be a soldier again?' Willis simply asked before the former commander could add anything else, leaning against one of the fish tanks.

Shepard took a breath as if she wanted to answer, when she understood why Willis had asked the question. Of course. She knew. That woman was a bitch, but a clever one. Shepard closed her mouth and stared at the Admiral, realizing the help she was offering was a genuine attempt at getting her out of the mud. Willis was just like her. Nothing more, nothing less. She was just a woman who lived for her job, for her dreams, for her ambitions. The military was her way of life and she acknowledged with a bitter pang in her stomach that she was right. She had always been meant to be a soldier and that was the only thing she could do. Not just because she wanted it, but because that job was a part of her, always present in her heart and mind, flowing in her veins and driving her every move. She loved flying her ship from planet to planet, she loved commanding, she loved fighting for good causes, she loved giving grandiloquent speeches to help people out of their misery. She wouldn't trade that life for anything else, and Willis knew that all too well. The Admiral hid her smirk as she turned on her heels, glad that she had succeeded in making Shepard understand that not being a friend didn't mean not being an ally.

'If you're beyond losing a little bit more of that pride of yours, meet me at bay E-47 in two days, first hour,' Willis told her as she huddled to the elevator with her cane. 'I believe you're familiar with the concept of taking a step back to jump further. Don't trip over your own feet, Shepard.'


	11. Chapter 11

Another long chapter I couldn't cut in the middle.

For those who are worried about Shepard's fate, one thing: it's no use worrying, I promise

For those who believe Willis is too perfect to be true: you're right, you'll see why later

Also, I just wanted to warn you that updates might not be as regular as they used to, I work during my holidays and my schedule is full. I still have a few chapters in reserve, though, so I'll make sure to post at least 1 chap./week.

Thanks to the new followers, and please let me know what you think!

* * *

**Chapter 10  
**

Shepard watched in silence as the door closed on the Admiral, pondering the choice she was offered. She already knew what she going to do of course, even if she found the perspective of following Willis like a hurt puppy far from enticing. Willis would probably make her life a living hell, dragging her behind on her stupid missions like an animal on a leash, explaining things that she already knew and making sure she understood the stupid principles of hierarchy. Maybe she'd go as far as to shame her all day long and drown her in buckets of criticisms. Maybe she'd make her lick her shoes and bring her breakfast in bed just for the pleasure to show off how powerful and how _superior_ she was. Shepard would be her slave and if she really wanted that job back, she would have to submit. She sighed and sat down on her chair, looking pensively at the pair of uniforms splayed on her bed, perfectly aware that it might very well be a cold day in hell before she'd get the opportunity to wear them once again. She shook her head and picked up her bag, then took a few minutes to look around her room, saying her goodbyes to her fish and her comfortable bed, knowing that in two days she'd probably sleep on a hard bunk bed in a cold rabbit cage.

Meanwhile, Willis had got back to the CIC and made things clear for everyone. After all, they deserved to know about their fates, and she had the feeling they would be completely lost without a commanding officer aboard. Once in front of the desk, she cleared her throat to get the attention of the few soldiers that had gone back to work on their computers. They all detached their eyes from their screens and looked at her in a respectful silence, waiting for a speech about the true valor of the Alliance, and all this kind of crap they were usually served whenever an Admiral came aboard.

'You all listen carefully, I won't repeat this twice,' she started, making sure with a quick glance around the room that they were all paying attention. 'Long story short, I officially signed a paper granting me the command of this ship and, natural consequence of this generous act, the Normandy was saved from the dry dock. I am now the CO of this ship and you have to obey my orders.'

Those words raised a shy wave of protest among the soldiers, who obviously didn't want to be commanded by anyone else that Shepard herself. Some of them glared at her, some shook their heads as if disgusted, some even left the CIC. Willis sighed, exasperated, but she expected this kind of reaction so she did her best to keep her composure.

'I am glad to see this is a great source of relief for all of you,' she commented with an ironic tone that no one missed. 'The thing is, I don't have time to look over a crew of pyjacks who fail to realize they should thank me for saving their ship and trying to give their commander back to them. This is why the Normandy will remain at bay until Shepard comes back, for she can't fly without a CO on deck. This situation calls for unprecedented measures that hopefully will not affect you, so please don't panic. You will just keep working as usual, and if you have any request or question related to any matter, Lieutenant-Commander Williams will either give you a direct answer when possible, or patch you through to my ship when I'm available. I strongly recommend not wasting my time, so if you have questions, you'd better make sure they're worth it. The first one who asks when Shepard comes back will be fired immediately without any deferring to the Alliance disciplinary Council. Just do your job as best as you can, consider keeping the Normandy in shape your priority and everything will be fine. Crew dismissed.'

The soldiers looked a bit doubtful at first, as if what Willis had said was just a nicely knitted carpet of nonsense. They already had a hard time believe Shepard had been fired, but Willis being their commanding officer was just impossible. They watched in silence as she smoothed the folds on her jacket and brushed her sleeves with the back of her hands as if she were sweeping dust. She raised an eyebrow at them when she realized they were staring at her, and they quickly looked away, getting back to whatever they were doing before the announcement. Oh she knew what they were all thinking. _The sad day the most infamous Alliance Admiral seized power of the most famous Alliance vessel._ It might have made a good headline for rotten journalists and reporters like Al-Jilani – whom she always refused to talk to, mostly because bad publicity was the last thing she needed, but also because she always had this peculiar desire to punch her in the face and make her spit her teeth whenever she opened her mouth. She smiled inwardly, thinking this was actually rather funny. Well, funny to her at least. All those men were probably devastated to see their beloved ship in her hands, but Willis didn't care. The Normandy was a good ship, there was no denying it, but she could have been handed the Destiny Ascension and she wouldn't have cared either. She had always believed that it was not the ship that mattered, but what you did with it – though most people were convinced of the contrary.

She eventually headed to the stairs to go down to the mess hall, finding it a bit hard to walk down the steps with the still bothering limp caused by the torn calf, her cane causing her to lose her balance a little. She almost wanted to laugh – she had the bizarre habit to mock herself whenever she knew she was doing something looking ridiculous, purposely or not – but muffled her chuckles to prevent the word '_crazy'_ from being added to the already long list of things people blamed her for. She successfully reached the mess hall without making a fool of herself and took a second to catch her breath and readjust her grip on her cane, wanting to look presentable when she'd enter Liara's quarters. Once ready, she breathed in and licked her lips, then strode towards the door with assurance – that was somewhat altered by the distinct limp and how her body tended to bend on the right. She knocked sharply, and she had to wait a few seconds before the door opened. She was surprised to see the Asari standing straight next to her bed, her chest jutting forward and her hands tightly crossed behind her back. Willis shook her head, thinking it dreadfully unnatural for Liara to adopt such a military stance.

'What did you want, Ma'am?' Liara asked loudly, trying to imitate the other soldiers she often had the leisure to observe on the upper deck.

Willis didn't answer, simply taking a few steps inside and sitting on the edge of the bed as Liara watched with empty eyes, waiting for something to happen. The Admiral observed the Asari, knowing the blue alien probably felt like a helpless prey ready to be devoured, and she felt the hook of guilt tug at her stomach, just enough to remind her things had never meant to come down to this. She tried to find the right words, tried to formulate things to make them a little less painful to say – she knew the words that would come out of her mouth moments later would cut her tongue like razor blades and burn her lips more than Ryncol. She thought about a hundred combinations, even wondered if it wouldn't be better not to say anything at all, but in the end, she concluded that the only way to express herself was to pour her heart out and simply tell the truth. Nothing more, nothing less.

'I wanted to apologize,' she answered softly, crossing her hands on her knees.

'Apologize?' Liara blinked, relaxing a little. 'I'm afraid I don't understand, Ma'am.'

'Please, do not call me that,' Willis requested humbly, lowering her head. 'I don't like it.'

'You _asked_ for it and you don't?' the Asari blurted out, forgetting for a moment about her obligations and duties.

Willis sighed, patting her hand on the bed to motion for Liara to sit down. The Asari hesitated a moment, but finally complied and sat next to her, her body so stiff Willis thought she might break in two. The little confidence the Admiral had left evaporated when she realized the proximity she had almost instantaneously shared with Liara no longer existed. It felt like they were strangers all over again, but this time the curiosity and thrill of the first encounter was felt by neither of them. The atmosphere was heavy on their shoulders, unspoken desires, blames and disappointments infecting the air like a dangerous poison. Willis attempted to land a hand over Liara's forearm, more to anchor herself and find the courage to spill it all out than anything else. She felt a pang of hurt when Liara simply moved her arm away, shifting on the side so that she was almost out of reach.

'No, I don't like,' Willis breathed out, sheepishly putting her hand back on her lap. 'Do you?'

'No.'

'Good.'

A long, heavy silence followed, and they felt as if they were thousands of miles away from each other, despite their physical closeness. Willis had no idea where to start, her tongue glued in her mouth as she tried to find a way, any way, to finally do what she had come for. She suddenly wished she could meld with Liara, send her all those images, all the fears, all the sorrow she had caused and somehow accompany them with waves of apology. She suddenly wished she had prepared a speech before coming, or at least a plan to follow, even if it would have ended up stuffing the silence with empty words. She suddenly wished a simple sorry could erase her mistakes and everything would come back to how it used to be. But things were never simple, it seemed, and the inner battle between reason and the growing desire to just shout _fuck it_ and storm out the room was getting the better of her. She silently hoped Liara would eventually get tired of her saying nothing and tell her to go and never come back. But Liara remained painfully still, staring at the wall, her lips tightly sealed and her body having gone from stiff to excruciatingly stiff. Willis realized she would get nothing out of this and suddenly rose on her feet, reason finally losing to anger.

'Fuck,' she hissed, reaching for her cane.

'Don't go,' Liara begged in a whisper, standing up as well.

'What's the use, I don't know what to say,' Willis shrugged, not even bothering to look back. 'I can't find the words, and I don't even remember why I came here in the first place. I'm sorry, that's all I know.'

'No, you're not,' the Asari murmured, staring down at her feet.

'Oh, fuck me,' the Admiral let out in an exasperated growl. 'Look, I offer you apologies, feel free to _not_ believe them, or shove…'

'Willis,' she interrupted quickly, the slight waver in her voice not going unnoticed by the woman about to walk through the door.

Willis turned on her heels only to be greeted by the heartbreaking sight of an Asari crying her heart out. Liara took a few tentative steps toward the Admiral, her bright blue eyes shining painfully, heavy tears streaming down her face and gathering under her trembling chin before free-falling to splash on the floor. Acting out of instinct and ignoring the near impenetrable barriers she had built to protect herself from hurting too much whenever Willis was close, she simply caught her hands, relieved that she was wearing gloves. She remembered humans found this gesture rather personal, and usually did this with friends, family, lovers, and she knew that in that moment, Willis was neither. Somehow the gloves made the act impersonal enough so that it was acceptable for both parties. Willis didn't try to pull away, but didn't respond either. Liara tightened her hold slightly when she felt the gloved fingers slip from her grasp, because she knew the moment that contact would break the Admiral would go. Even through the soft material, she could feel the warmth of her hands, the light trembling of her long fingers, the occasional tensions in her palms. She did her best to ignore how good and at the same time how torturous it felt, and focused on her words, looking at Willis through a fog, her vision blurred by the tears hanging from her eyelashes.

'You're not sorry,' she whispered, her voice sounding awkwardly loud in the heavy silence. 'I know what you want to apologize for. Yes, you scared me. Yes, you screamed at me. Yes, you made me feel like an utter fool no later than half an hour ago. But I forbid you to say you're sorry. You don't have the right to be. Everything is my fault. I should have never done that. I invaded your privacy and I hurt you. You have no idea how I wish you could scream at me some more, how guilty I feel, how much I regret what I've done. I was so focused on my feelings, my dreams, my hopes that I forgot about yours. I was so obsessed, I felt so jealous, I was so blinded by all these emotions you've awaken in me... I guess I have… _Associated_ you with those new feelings and I simply cannot imagine anyone else in that little hole you dug in my heart. All of this just happened too fast. I know you don't want this, I know I'm not what you're looking for, and it hurts. I'm sorry you had to go through this because of my fantasies and desires, I'm sorry for throwing all of this into your face when you've asked for nothing, I'm so sorry for hurting you. Goddess, I'm so sorry Willis. You don't deserve this. I'm _so_ sorry.'

Liara let out a plaintive sob, closing her eyes forcefully, renewed tears rolling down her cheeks. She felt Willis let her hands slip from her hold and she cried harder, her arms dangling on her sides as she lowered her head, biting her lower lip in a vain attempt to tame the sobs shaking her fragile frame. She wanted to collapse on the floor, curl into a tight ball and cry until she had no tears left. She wanted to forget about all of this, about her, if just for a moment. She wanted to be left alone for ever. She was about to do just that when suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, just below her breast, and she was drawn into a tight hug. All air was knocked out of her, her eyes shot open and she stopped crying, too shocked to say or do anything. A tornado of sensations washed over her and it was almost too much to bear, too much to be able to appreciate them as a whole. Slowly, she became aware of all the parts of her body in contact with Willis, and of how it burnt through her to her very core. At first she only felt the fingers pressing against her back, the tips digging in her lab coat, the thumbs rubbing against the material in slow circles. Then she felt a strand of blond hair brushing her cheek, tickling, tingling, a delicate scent invading her nostrils that smelt so much like Willis she wanted to drown in it. She felt her warm breath rolling on the scales of her neck, the pleasant wave of air caressing her skin like a precious silk. She became aware of how her chin pressed against her shoulder, the weight of her head resting there as if it were a comfortable nest. And then, she just realized how close Willis was, her chest pressing into hers, one of her leg planted between hers and touching – lightly, but just enough to send shrills down her spine – her left thigh. She took a sharp intake of breath when Willis whispered close to her hearing conduit, as if she knew exactly where it was.

'How can you pretend to know what I want?'

Liara stiffened when she felt the ghost of Willis' lips on the side of her neck, and she almost fainted when the pair of hands slid down her waist slowly, the palms deliberately molding her contours before resting on her hips with a feathery touch.

'I… It was just… I thought…' Liara stuttered, her cheeks growing hot and her heart drumming loudly with hope.

'Well I think we should start again, Dr T'Soni,' Willis continued, her mouth hovering over the blue skin, as if tempted to kiss the soft patch offered to her. 'We've both made mistakes we regret, I'd say we're even. You know my most safely kept secret. You know that yesterday I had a family, and that today I'm nothing more than a wreck, and I believe that does not really work in my favor. But if you accept my past and take me as I am, you could try to be my present and my future. You could try to put me back together. What do you say?'

'Y-yes,' Liara breathed, her stomach tied into tight knots. 'I could try.'

'Good,' the Admiral whispered, slowly drawing away from the embrace. 'I hope you're not afraid of water, Doctor T'Soni. Tomorrow, I'm taking you fishing.'

Liara watched with her mouth agape as Willis picked up her cane and left without adding a single word. For long minutes, she stared at the door, unable to believe what had just happened. Her body was still burning where Willis had touched her, her hands were clenched so tightly her knuckles had turned lighter than baby blue, her heart felt as if it might burst out of her chest. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or laugh, scream her joy or silently thank the Goddess. She ended up doing both, sobs melting with giggles, and she fell on her bed with a chuckle, hugging her pillow against her as she tried to remember how good it had felt when Willis' body pressed against her. She closed her eyes, imagining the warm breath on her neck and the fingers digging in her back, and it made her crave for more. She realized that she had been right all along. It wasn't a chimera or just wishful thinking. She wanted Willis. She wanted Willis to want her. And now that she was given this incredible opportunity to make everything right again, she was determined to do her best to please her. Unable to think about anything else than her precious Admiral and the wonderful time she was going to have the day later, she settled in front of her terminal and started gathering information about the typical human activity called _fishing_. Soon, she understood that her date might not be as delightful as she'd hoped it would be. The perspective of sitting for hours at the bottom of a little boat in the middle of a lake in silence was not really appealing, and she really wished Willis had other hobbies than _fishing and knitting_. Of course, any minute spent with her would be worth it, fishing or not, but she doubted this kind of activity could turn into a romantic escapade. She could only hope that Willis would plan something to make the experience less boring and more in the line of what Liara imagined to be a real date.

She was about to turn off her terminal when she suddenly realized that maybe, Willis was the one hoping for _her_ to do something special. After all, she was the one who had to give everything to try and reach her heart. The thing was, she was a complete novice in such matters and she had no idea how to seduce a human – or any other species, as a matter of fact. The closest she had got to seduce someone had been in her twenties, when she had told another Asari she looked _exquisite_, and got punched in the face in response. She sighed anxiously and typed a few keywords in the search engine of the extranet, but obviously the art of seduction seemed to have become a little archaic and replaced by the less delicate art of flirting. She doubted Willis would like it much if she wore a tight-fitting dress with ribbons and heels on a little boat – not to mention that it would be awfully unpractical – and she honestly didn't believe she fitted the profile to wear such clothes anyways. She also excluded the technique that consisted of letting something fall on the floor, or in her case at the bottom of a boat, deliberately, and bending lower than necessary to pick it up while shaking her assets. She definitely didn't want to try the _I fall on your lap and my mouth incidentally crushes over yours_ technique either, and she ended up concluding that she could only count on her natural charm and her talent at improvisation. She turned off her computer and stared at the blank screen for a while, the excitement having turned into anxious anticipation. She knew she had no reasons to, but she feared things wouldn't go as smoothly as she'd want it to be. She thought about asking Chakwas for advice, but decided against it for she didn't want anyone to know what kind of relationship she had with Willis. She was alone in this and knew absolutely nothing about what to do. She shrugged it off, knowing Willis would probably not hold any blunder she might very well commit against her. Not really anxious but not really impatient either, Liara concluded without much surprise that she would probably be restless until the day later. With a sigh, she decided to go take a short walk around the bay, just to breathe some fresh air and review everything that had happened during the day.

Just as she reached the CIC, she met Shepard near the galaxy map, her bag on her shoulder, one of her hand tucked in her jeans pocket.

'You're still here?' Liara asked, genuinely intrigued.

'Yeah, so what?' Shepard shot back, throwing a dark look at the Asari. 'Do you want to kick me out of my ship too?'

'That… That is not what I meant, I'm sorry,' she apologized softly, realizing her question was rather rude indeed.

'It's nothing,' the redhead sighed, running fingers into her hair. 'Willis lets me live here until she takes me on her ship. She, huh… She's going to help me get my job back. I don't know what her motives are or what she's going to do to me, but she's dragging me along on a mission in two days.'

'Really?'

'Yes,' Shepard nodded. 'She's a bitch and she doesn't like me, and yet she's offering a chance to make up for my mistake.'

'She is not a _bitch_, as you put it,' Liara retorted rather coldly. 'She's kind, and helpful, just like you are, Shepard. You should give her a chance, you know. She is doing you a favor, you could have a little more faith in her.'

'I know,' she shrugged, apparently a little embarrassed. 'Maybe I misjudged her intentions, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't like her. She's too… Uptight. Too strict. She's taking all of this too seriously. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even have a life outside her job.'

'She does, Shepard,' Liara replied softly. 'And I am guessing that's precisely the reason why she's like this. Try to not be too rude with her, please. You cannot know what she's been through.'

'You seem to be close to her,' Shepard noticed, though without any animosity. 'You two are together?'

'No. Not really. I don't know, maybe,' the Asari answered, realizing she had no idea how to define her relationship with Willis. 'Why?'

'You're a good friend, Liara, I just don't want you to get hurt.'

'She would never hurt me, Shepard, I can assure you that.'

'I didn't mean… Just promise me you'll be careful, okay? There's something a little _off_ about her.'

'I promise,' Liara nodded as Shepard patted her shoulder. 'Thank you. And don't worry Shepard, I am sure you will be back in no time. They can't keep the greatest Commander ever away from the Normandy for long, can they?'

'Yeah, well, we'll see that at the end of the week. Thanks for your support, Liara; it really mean a lot.'

'You are very welcome. And Shepard?'

'Yes?'

'When you're alone with Willis, tell her how you really feel. Believe me, it's worth a try.'

'What feelings do you mean exactly?' Shepard asked, raising her eyebrows.

'That you were scared,' Liara shrugged casually. 'That you didn't help her only because you didn't want to make things worse. That you didn't want to see her die before her. That you were paralyzed with fear.'

'How would you know that?' she enquired with a frown. 'Maybe I just didn't care because I don't like her.'

'You have almost saved as many enemies as friends since I met you, please don't tell me you wouldn't have saved a superior because of such a petty motive, Shepard. Saving people is what you do best, and you hate it when you're helpless. There was nothing you could do to help her, you were scared and angry, and the best way to hide your emotions was to _pretend_ you didn't care.'

'It's funny how you know how I feel better than I do,' Shepard snorted, though unable to deny Liara's words pricked exactly where it hurt. 'I wasn't scared, I was pissed she put my crew in danger.'

'You're a good liar, you know,' Liara said with a soft smile. 'But you can't lie to yourself. Please Shepard, we all need you here. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for us.'

Shepard looked at her with a doubtful expression for a moment, then simply bowed her head once before heading for the elevator. Liara sighed, convinced that it would take more than a simple piece of advice thrown out of the blue for Shepard to dare express her feelings to the Admiral she disliked the most. She still was reassured that Willis didn't seem to hold a grudge against the Commander because of her mistake and she was sure that she would do her best to reinstate Shepard as fast as possible. Feeling a little lighter now that she knew Shepard was in good hands, Liara finally made her way to the airlock in the hope that walking a little would help her relax before her first date.


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry for the delay, I had a thousand things to do this week!

I only have one or two chapters in reserve now, so I might post 1 chap./week from now on.

Thanks for the reviews and adding this story to your favorites!

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**Chapter 11  
**

'Hey Liara, Admiral Willis is waiting for you outside,' Joker informed Liara, who shot on her feet as if pricked by a needle.

'Tell her I'm coming,' she answered quickly, straightening her shirt and making sure her shoes were tightly laced.

She put on a light grey jacket and took one last look at herself in the mirror, thinking with a sigh that she did not necessarily look attractive. She had opted for practical and comfortable clothes, but a dress with ribbons might not have been so bad after all. She shook her head and headed out her room, then ran up the stairs with an energy fueled by both excitement and anticipation. She didn't know how Willis would behave – whether she would she be instantly friendly, as if nothing had ever happened, or would it take some time before tensions subsided, the mystery lingered. She finally reached the airlock and punched the button immediately, stepping out when the door opened. She felt a wave of relief wash over her when she saw Willis at the end of the path, a smile adorning her face, and butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she took in the long, muscular legs revealed thanks to a pair of khaki shorts, the slim waist underlined by a fitting tank top, and the lovely face that looked much brighter than usual as she had tied her blond hair into a short ponytail. Liara strode towards her with light steps, a wild euphoria coursing through her limbs, and she smiled when Willis nodded at her, shoving her hands in her pockets – Liara noticed she hadn't lost that habit, and probably never would.

'Ready?' Willis asked with a smirk, observing Liara's outfit from the corner of the eye.

'I have never fished, so I would be tempted to say no,' Liara answered with a sheepish shrug.

'Don't worry, I'll teach you,' she reassured her with a wink. 'We have the whole day ahead of us, let's make the most of it.'

Liara acquiesced enthusiastically and followed as Willis turned on her heels and headed for the closest elevator. She had thought they would take a skycar to go wherever the Admiral knew there were fish – Liara wasn't even sure that there was any on the Citadel – but Willis simply pushed the button to the Presidium. She refrained herself from asking questions, but she started wondering if this wasn't just a very unpleasant joke. Then, she shrieked inwardly when she realized that maybe, what Willis had meant by fishing could be something entirely different from catching actual fish. Humans had thousands of expressions that could have a double meaning depending on the context, the intonation, the feelings behind them. What if this was just another stupid image for something that could be particularly embarrassing, or dangerous? Liara shivered, following Willis with less assured strides and suddenly feeling a little less euphoric. Less euphoric, but definitely no less excited. She both dreaded to find out what Willis had actually planned, and looked forward to spend the whole day with her no matter what crazy things they could be doing. After all, she had no reason not to trust her, and she felt infatuated enough to follow her to the other end of the galaxy if that was what she wanted.

They kept going for a while, Liara remaining a little behind to watch Willis with an appreciative look – because even the worse thoughts running about her brain couldn't monopolize her attention more than this tall and athletic figure walking confidently before her. She didn't know how the Admiral could do that, but even in simple shorts and an old tank top she had exactly the same presence than when she was wearing her immaculate uniform, her whole body radiating strength and willpower. She stared at her legs for a moment, at the perfectly sculpted muscles that contracted under her pale skin every time she took a step. She was still limping a little, especially since she hadn't taken her cane with her, but somehow Liara found the image of the hurt Admiral bravely limping valiantly rather enticing. Her right calf was still slashed by a nasty scar, but apart from this, the skin looked smooth and she wondered what it would feel like under her fingers. Her eyes travelled further up and gazed longer than necessary at her bottom, wishing this was a part of her body she'd soon have the privilege to lay hands upon. Then she meditated over the small patch of skin of the small of her back revealed by the misadjusted top, imagining what her entire back would look like without the garment. She really didn't know why she was thinking about such things, she didn't know what was acceptable and what wasn't, and she didn't know if Willis looked at her that way too. Of course she wasn't completely ignorant about the things of life, but knowing about them and experiencing them was quite different. Attraction was still a mystical concept to her and she had no idea why looking at a bottom or stealing glances at a few inches of skin she wasn't supposed to see felt so pleasant. Her imagination didn't stretch far yet, for she lacked the proper experience to construct images and associate feelings to them, but she hoped that soon, her Admiral would give her an outlook of all of these things she still had to discover.

After long minutes spent with neither of them talking, Willis eventually stopped dead in her tracks and Liara, who was still lost in her contemplation, couldn't stop in time and bumped quite violently into her. Willis smirked, gently clasped her arms to help her keep her balance, and a more genuine smile split her face when she noticed the sudden lavender shade creeping on the Asari's face.

'See something you like, T'Soni?' she asked with a mischievous grin, making sure to let go of her arms with a gentle caress.

'No, I…' Liara began, fiddling with the hem of her tee-shirt. 'I mean, I wasn't staring, I was just thinking and…'

'I wouldn't mind you staring,' Willis chuckled, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. '_I_ stare at you.'

'I wasn't staring,' Liara insisted, feeling a bit too hot in her jacket all of the sudden. 'I… Wait, you _what_?'

'Okay, let's be serious for a moment,' Willis said as she royally ignored the Asari's question. 'That place I'm taking you to is mine, sort of. I happen to have saved a Volus ambassador's life a while back, a very important person at the time. The guy was rich enough to buy the whole Citadel if he wished, but he was a dumbass and had no idea what to do with his creds. To thank me for saving him, he offered to buy me anything I wanted, so I just told him I liked fishing and that I'd like a new boat.'

'So, he bought you a boat?' Liara asked, not really seeing her point.

'Exactly,' she answered with a smile. 'A small fishing boat. Only, he also offered an artificial lake filled with fish, because he thought, quote, _It's not use having a fishing boat if there's no fish to catch and nowhere to row it_.'

'You have to be kidding,' the Asari said, her mouth agape. 'He built a lake on the Citadel for you?'

'The lake was his in the first place, he just gave it to me. Can't say I complain, though. I just wanted to ask you not to talk about this to anyone, news like these travel fast around here. The moment they'll know this is mine, they'll find a way to burn my boat and poison my fish.'

'That would be unfortunate,' Liara nodded in understanding. 'I will not talk about it, I promise.'

'Excellent,' Willis smiled, resuming her strides. 'Now let's go fishing.'

Liara strutted behind her excitedly as she looked around, trying to spot the lake among the dozens of tall buildings rising in front of them. She had never visited this part of the Presidium that obviously was a large extension of the residential neighborhood that stretched toward the exterior of the Citadel ring. Willis knew where she was headed, however, and she took many turns without thinking about it twice, walking through the maze of constructions as if she'd taken this path a hundred times already. Soon, they reached a door that Liara probably wouldn't have even noticed if the Admiral hadn't stopped in front of it. Willis took out a small card of her pocket and slid it against an electronic panel, and the door immediately opened on a path sided with trees. She motioned for Liara to follow her, and after a minute Liara finally saw the small boat floating peacefully on the calm surface of a lake that was so big she almost didn't believe she still was on the Citadel. She looked around her with wide-opened eyes, amazed by her surroundings, taking in the large trees planted randomly around the lake, the neat beach of pebbles, this immensity of clear water and its rippling surface whenever the breeze was too strong. After seeing something like that, she would have to reconsider her point of view regarding the romantic potential of this activity. She quickly got back to her senses as Willis reached for something at the bottom of the boat and showed her a set of fishing rods.

'I've already prepared everything', Willis explained with a smile, handing her a dark blue rod. 'You take this one, it's lighter and easier to manipulate. Just don't prick your fingers with the hook and make sure the line doesn't get tangled because of the sinker. I've got the baits, drinks in case you're thirsty and I've even made sandwiches.'

'When did you get the time to do all this?' Liara asked, admiring Willis' work.

'A few hours ago? I couldn't sleep, it kept me busy,' she answered, making sure her hook was tightly attached to the line. 'So, if you're ready, we're good to go.'

'Well, I guess so,' she nodded hesitantly, not really knowing what to do with her rod.

'Then welcome aboard, Ma'am!' the Admiral announced cheerfully.

Willis extended an offering hand to help Liara hop onto the boat and the Asari was quick to take it when she realized it was awfully hard to keep her balance on the embarkation. She tried to ignore the sudden burst of heat radiating through her arm at the single contact and offered her thanks as she sat on the little plastic bench. Willis set the foot of her injured leg inside the boat and used her other leg to push them away from the shore. They drifted a little and Liara gulped down and clenched her fingers around her rod when Willis started rowing forcefully. This time, admiring the hard muscles work under the skin of her arms wasn't enough to distract her, and she gulped down as the reassuring hard land got farther and farther away. Maybe she ought to have told the Admiral she was not a good swimmer, and as a fatal consequence, she wouldn't feel particularly at ease on such an unsteady boat. Willis slowed down the embarkation a little as she plunged her oars deep in the water and somehow managed to stop precisely where she wanted. With a satisfied nod, she opened the little box at her feet containing the baits and reached for her own rod before picking a worm between her fingers.

'Those are worms you can only find in the marshes of Tuchanka,' she explained, baiting her hook with the squirming worm. 'There're the best. Here, take one.'

'A-alright,' Liara accepted against her will, taking a worm with a disgusted frown. 'Can't you catch fish with flowers or fruits? I certainly wouldn't mind.'

'I've got strawberries if you want,' Willis smirked, perfectly aware the Asari had no clue how things worked. 'However, you have better chances to see a fish jump right into that boat than to actually catch one with a fruit. Come on, I'll bait your hook for you.'

'I'm sorry, I'm just…'

'It's fine, don't worry,' she chuckled, carefully grasping her line. 'I know they're not the nicest things out there.'

Willis handed her rod back once the gastropod was hung and initiated the last preparations. Liara watched in silence as she tested her reel, attached a small bell at the tip of her rod and made sure her sinker held properly. Finally, she readied her launch and cast her line with a dexterity that made it plain obvious she was used to doing it. She sat down on her bench with a satisfied sigh and crossed her hands behind her neck, as Liara was unsuccessfully trying to figure out what to do with her own rod. It didn't look particularly difficult but she knew how clumsy she could get when trying something new, and the last thing she wanted was to gouge out one of Willis' eye with her hook. To get her attention, she simply cleared her throat and tentatively shifted on her seat. Willis suddenly turned her head to face her and she was quick to get on her feet, making the whole boat shake and rock on the water.

'God I'm sorry,' she apologized as she sat next to her after securing the foot of her rod. 'I can be so dense sometimes. Okay, look. Just keep your right hand here and block the line with your finger.'

As she explained, her hand naturally came to rest over Liara's and her fingers dug softly into her skin, adjusting her hold on the rod. Liara felt her breath get caught in her lungs as Willis moved a bit too close to grab her left hand and position it where it was supposed to be. She lost track of what Willis was saying and focused on that very pleasant feeling that she was slowly but surely growing addicted to. She basked in the warmth of the human body and was almost tempted to lean on the side and rest her cheek on her shoulder. Willis' naked arms kept brushing against her and she suddenly wished she had taken off her jacket to enjoy the guilty feel of skin to skin. She lowered her head with a dumb smile and stared at the pale hands holding hers, thinking the contrast between their colors looked rather beautiful. She was sure it would look even better if their fingers were intertwined, and she unconsciously began to try and slip her digits between Willis'.

'No, Liara, I told you to keep your hand here,' Willis started again patiently, putting Liara's hand where it belonged. 'Are you even listening to what I'm saying?'

'What?' Liara answered giddily, her thumb tracing random patterns on the back of the Admiral's hand.

'Hum, Liara, I need you to focus here,' she coughed, knowing the Asari would totally freak out when she got out of her trance.

'Oh, I am very focused,' the Asari answered, staring at the fingers holding her wrist. 'Your hands are fascinating.'

'Yeah, obviously more fascinating that fishing,' Willis shrugged, unable to decide if the Asari's voice had been so sultry, and so deep and so _sexy_ on purpose, or if Liara wasn't even aware of what she was saying. 'Should I cast your line?'

'Definitely,' Liara breathed, brushing her knuckles against the hot skin.

'Okay, give it to me', Willis said as she swooshed her hand away and grabbed the rod, suddenly feeling ill-at-ease.

She quickly shifted on the side to avoid any more contact with those blue hands and put the fishing rod down between Liara's feet once she'd cast the line, before retreating on her bench. Liara emerged from her reverie when the warmth faded and the pressure on her skin subsided. She looked at Willis and opened her mouth to apologize for having been lost in her thoughts but closed it a second later when she realized talking wasn't a good idea. She felt a ball grow in her throat when Willis turned on the other side of her seat, offering a great view of her back and neck, but clearly wanting to hide her face. Liara bit the tip of her tongue and cursed under her breath as the angry need to slap herself made her arm twitch. She had ruined everything again, just because of some untamed desires that could have very well been satisfied in much more appropriate circumstances if she had been patient enough. She was less than an hour into her first real date and she had already made a mistake – and a big one, by the look of things. She hated herself for her unrestrained behavior and she wished she could keep her hands to herself for more than ten minutes. What was she thinking, caressing and playing with her hands as if they were hers, when all she had to do was pretend to listen and enjoy the feel while it lasted with the hope that, maybe, that would have become a familiar gesture soon enough. She sagged a little on her plastic bench and stared at the end of her fishing rod, noticing with a pang in her stomach that Willis had cast her line and that she hadn't even thanked her.

But Willis didn't blame Liara for this sorry incident. If anything, she blamed herself for letting it happen. She buried her face in her palms and didn't even react when the sound a small bell rang, signaling a fish had bitten into her hook. Liara was kind – and probably clever – enough not to mention it and leave her alone. Willis bit her cheeks and frowned as tears accumulated behind her closed eyelids, images of her late bondmate flashing before her and slashing her heart. She hated to admit it, but when Liara had talked with a voice that sent waves of heat through her whole body, when she had caressed her hands and enveloped them in a sweet layer of warmth, she had liked it. She had liked it too much. She shook her head and let the two words slam against her skull, pound in her brain, with the tiny hope that after more than a year, she would finally accept the message they carried. _Be happy_. But this had just proved her she still wasn't ready. It had felt good to enjoy Liara's touch and she had reveled in it. Only, it had felt so much worse to bear the sudden, violent tug of guilt in her stomach and how her whole body had wanted to reject the contact, the bitter taste of betrayal tasting like poison on her tongue and burning down her throat. She just wasn't ready. She didn't feel capable of loving someone else just yet, and the thought made her flinch. She wanted to. Liara was beautiful, and intelligent, and sexy, and cute, and funny – though most of the time, not on purpose – and Willis couldn't have hoped for a better someone to learn to love again. Maybe it was too soon, maybe it was going too fast, maybe she was just incapable of loving anyone else. But being with Liara wasn't an enticing thought in that precise moment; it was pure and simple torture.


	13. Chapter 13

Here comes another chapter, a little short in my opinion so the next one (which should be posted either on Monday, or in a little more than a week when I'll have internet access) will be longer.

I've written quite a lot these days, so if I keep this pace I might update this story more often than I originally planned!

Thanks to all the new followers and please keep telling me what you think!

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**Chapter 12  
**

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, letting the calm of the water and the deep silence soothe her conflicted emotions. After a minute, she eventually turned around and picked her rod to have something to hold on to and not fiddle with the hem of her tank top. Liara hinted a gesture of comfort but the blue fingers retreated as soon as they had reached out when the woman tensed so much it was physically visible. Stiff like a board, Willis pretended to check if she had caught something when she perfectly knew the fish that had bitten her line moments ago was probably long gone. Once she trusted herself to speak without a waver in her voice, she decided to break the silence and ease the palpable tension that had arisen.

'Whenever you want to go, just tell me,' she offered with a smile so false it hurt her cheeks.

'It is quite fine,' Liara lied, suddenly fascinated by the tip of her shoes. 'I am enjoying myself.'

'Alright.'

They fell into silence again and both of them simply stared at their lines, their hands crossed on their laps and their heads bowed a little. Seconds ticked away slowly, became minutes and turned into an hour, but still neither of them made a move to show they were willing to start a conversation. Once did Liara try to say she was thirsty and that she would like a drink, but her mouth was so dry than when she opened it, her tongue remained glued and no words came out. Willis blamed herself for not doing anything to help the Asari out of this interminable and boring date – that had taken such an awkward turn she doubted it could still be considered as a date – but she couldn't bring herself to make things a little more bearable. The only thing she could have talked about was fishing but she had the feeling that would not really break the ice, given that Liara was bored to death and would not necessarily find the subject interesting. She didn't understand why Liara was bored, as a matter of fact. She had always loved this activity, not because it was exciting, but because it was relaxing. Whenever she needed to think, figure things out, or just take a break between missions, it was the perfect way to loosen up. And when she remembered the first time she had taken Shora to fish, she smiled and was unable to stop a tear from falling. She looked at Liara without really seeing her, images of that day reeling before her like an old movie. Her bondmate had been sitting there once, their little daughter safely tucked in her mother's arms, as Willis was making an impressive demonstration of how _not_ to catch a fish. She had pricked her fingers with the hook, had taken Varren meat instead of worms, had broken her line twice, and had lost her balance before finally falling into the water with less grace than a Krogan. It had been exhilarating. She smiled even more when she remembered how the little Asari had been fascinated by a snail enjoying the sun on the edge of the boat. The animal drooling lazily had been the source of inexhaustible laughter when Willis had dropped a lame joke about it. They had had so much fun that day…

Willis blinked a few times, unable to chase the smile from her face, and finally focused on Liara who was now glaring at her rod as if it was about to explode. She chuckled, grabbed the rod, cut the line with her teeth and put the dreadful item down, despite Liara's protests and unconvincing assertions that she liked fishing.

'Do you want to hear a joke?' Willis said with a clap of her hands, as if the hour spent in a tensed silence wasn't weighing on her shoulders anymore.

'I…' Liara hesitated, a bit disconcerted by the sudden shift of mood. 'Yes, of course.'

'Okay, it's a good one. What does a snail riding a turtle's back say?'

Liara blinked and realized she had no idea what a snail and a turtle were – though she guessed they were animals living exclusively on Earth. She looked at Willis who was pinching her lips to suppress her laughter and shrugged helplessly, admitting she had no answers to give.

'Yahoo!' Willis suddenly cheered, throwing her arms into the air.

Liara watched with her mouth agape as Willis suddenly burst out laughing, or burst into tears – it was rather difficult to say given that she seemed to be both laughing and crying her heart out. The Admiral rolled her arms around her waist and kept emitting sounds between depressed sobs and merry giggles, heavy tears rolling down her cheeks. Liara didn't know whether to smile at the sight or worry for her mental health, she didn't know if it was a genuine laugh or if she was trying to disguise her cries. She just stared at her and, from time to time, reached out to pat her shoulder, but it didn't prove useful. Willis seemed to have forgotten about her, lost in a delirious fit of laughter because of a joke Liara was sure only she could understand. Willis eventually wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, and after a few minutes, she sniffed a couple of times and took a deep breath, looking at Liara through glossy eyes.

'My daughter loved it,' she let out before she could stop it.

She immediately stuck a palm against her mouth, shocked by her own words. Liara almost gasped when she heard the word '_daughter'_ because she knew that was a supposedly taboo subject and that Willis had probably ever meant to share this little piece of memory with her. She stared with wide-open eyes at the Admiral, anxiously waiting to see the course of action she was going to take. Willis simply lowered her hand into her lap and stared right through her, seemingly a thousand light years away from the little boat, from the lake, from Liara. She was just lost in her past, diving in a sea of memories that were both wonderful and excruciatingly painful. She remembered how she had scooped up the snail in her handkerchief and had showed the little Asari how the gastropod's antennas retracted whenever her fingers got to close to them. She remembered how her daughter had giggled when the animal had raised, and raised, before retreating into its shell. She remembered how she had shrieked when Elya had picked it between her tiny fingers and brought it to her mouth, ready to devour it. She remembered how her baby had screamed a cheerful _yahoo_ when her bondmate had thrown the snail away as if it were a dangerous being. Those were memories she would never stop cherishing. Maybe she could start telling Liara about her family with these kinds of memories? The happy ones, the ones that brought a smile to her lips and warmed her heart.

'She loved it so much,' she simply whispered, clutching her tank top with a trembling hand. 'You should have seen her. She just got hysterical whenever she heard that joke. She had no idea what it meant of course, but she loved it when I put her on my shoulders and walked around, just yahooing. Sometimes she would wiggle her little arms around and parrot the word for hours. She was so cute.'

'Willis, you don't have to…' Liara said softly, unable to decide if she ought to stop Willis before she said anything more or if it would be better to let her pour her emotions out.

'If we want to do this, I'll have to tell you about them someday,' Willis shivered despite the warm weather and the hot breeze caressing her bare skin. 'Listen Liara, I… I just need time. It's been less than a year and a half and I… I'm not ready yet. I want this. I want to give us a chance, I do. I just need to let them go first. I'll do my best but you have to give me some time.'

'I will wait, Willis,' the Asari reassured her with a gentle pat on her knee.

'Thanks, Liara', Willis whispered. 'I really like you and I'd like this thing we have to work out.'

'I would like that too.'

Willis stared at her hands for a moment, wondering what to do. She sighed, a heavy, exhausted sigh, and finally picked up her own rod and cut her line, not really in the mood to fish anymore. Liara blamed herself for ruining her pleasure but she didn't dare make any comment when Willis began rowing towards the shore. When they touched land, Willis made no move to help Liara step out of the boat and the Asari realized that, not only their relationship had made zero progress, but also had regressed. Liara thought the Admiral would now ask her to go and leave her alone, but Willis simply picked the two lunch bags at the bottom of the boat and sat on the shore of pebbles. She motioned for Liara to join her and gave her one of the bags as she opened hers and took out a drink. Liara was not thirsty anymore and knew she wouldn't be able to eat anything, but just to enjoy her company a little while longer, she also picked her bottle and sat next to her. She took off her jacket, feeling a little too hot, and folded it neatly next to her, ready spend another set of long minutes in silence. She wrapped her arms around her knees and simply watched ahead of her, looking at the trees, the calm water, the blue sky. At this point, it didn't exactly look like a romantic place to have a date anymore, but just a dull place void of any feeling. Things could change so fast. Liara felt like she was in the middle of a bumpy ride through a relay, with ups and downs, one moment steady on her feet and the next thrown against the wall. One moment everything was fine, the next it all turned into a disaster.

Willis felt exactly the same, though for different reasons. One moment she would lose herself in the twirling sensations of comfort and happiness, the next she would be assailed by memories that ruined the sweet period of respite. _Be happy_. She wanted to. She wanted to hold Liara in her arms, breath in the wonderful scent of her neck, trail her lips on her cheek, put her hands on her hips, simply enjoy her presence, her warmth, her body. Simply enjoy the things of life again. But she couldn't. A single contact with her would tear her soul between the desire to have her closer and the bitter feeling of betrayal, and she knew she wasn't ready for this. With this lack of preparedness came the doubt, the guilt, the fear. What if she could never be with an Asari again because that blue skin would be a constant reminder of what she once had? Would it be fair to find comfort in the arms of another when all she truly wished was to have died alongside her family and not bear the weight of their deaths on her conscience? What if guilt transformed into a lifelong companion that would always cloud her emotions whenever she'd do things with Liara she used to do with her bondmate? She didn't want to break the little something that she had with Liara but she didn't want their relationship to grow too strong too fast either. She needed to set her past aside first, lock her family away in a hidden corner of her heart, and start living, but that would require some time, and maybe a little self-convincing.

Willis jumped when the silence was suddenly troubled by a soft plop, and she glanced at Liara only to find out that she had just thrown a pebble into the water. The Asari gave a sheepish look and shrugged a little, apologizing softly. Willis chuckled and shook her head, realizing her poor date was probably bored to death. She stood on her feet and brushed her shorts, and Liara noticed this was another habit of the Admiral.

'Do you always do this?' she pried, her insatiable curiosity striking again.

'Do what?' Willis asked with an eyebrow raised.

'Smooth the creases on your clothes, or brush imaginary dust off of them?'

'Yes,' she answered a little too casually, shoving her hands in her pockets – Liara smiled inwardly at the other habitual gesture but frowned at the uneasiness of the Admiral. 'Not on purpose, though. It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you about it later.'

'Alright,' Liara nodded, understanding this was a matter to be avoided until Willis brought it on the table herself. 'If I recall well, tomorrow you go on a mission with Shepard?'

'Yep,' Willis acquiesced as she pulled the boat on the shore that that it wouldn't drift away.

'You're not going to do anything… I mean, you are going to treat her well, right?' Liara asked, fiddling anxiously with her hands.

'Shepard is an excellent soldier,' she answered, an oar in her hand. 'Quick-tempered, impulsive and stubborn, but excellent. I will treat her with the respect she deserves.'

'That's good to know. Thank you Willis. You really are a nice person.'

'Yeah, well, someday my kindness will get me killed,' she chuckled, making sure everything was in order. 'Okay, I think we're good to go. There are things I need to do, so if you don't mind we'll part ways at the elevator.'

'Of course,' Liara agreed softly before following Willis on the path sided with little trees.

Liara felt a bit disappointed when they crossed the door and found themselves back on the Presidium, in the middle of the buildings and the people swimming across the crowd with their hands full if shopping bags. It was true that her supposed perfect first date had taken a wrong turn, that she hadn't particularly enjoyed herself and that she had showed once again how clumsy she could be and at the same time how inexperienced she was when it came to the standards of dating. When she was a little girl, she used to watch romantic movies in which the characters usually kissed right after date one. She didn't necessarily expect a kiss – the idea was rather terrifying, as a matter of fact – but she truly thought something as simple as holding her hand could have been part of the authorized gestures towards the human. But then again, Willis was not just any human. She knew she would have to adapt, she knew she would have to make sacrifices, but that was a price she was willing to pay. The reason why Willis had shied away when she had touched her was an easy guess, but it was harder to determine when, if ever, the Admiral would open her shell and reveal herself completely. Liara would have to discover her little by little, peeling away all the layers she had built to protect herself, until she could finally reach her very core.

They finally stopped in front of the elevator, and Willis suddenly looked a little ill-at-ease. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to another for a moment, her hands barely reaching out before returning to her sides immediately, as if she wanted to do something but couldn't. She scratched the back of her head with an awkward smile and pushed the button to call the elevator, before shoving her hands in her pocket.

'I, hum,' she started, licking her dry lips. 'I suggest we forget about this disaster and call this date zero, so we can have a proper first date later, what do you think?'

'Oh Willis, it wasn't a disaster, it was…' Liara hesitated, fiddling with the hem of her tee-shirt. 'It wasn't perfect, and maybe unconventional, and…'

'Liara,' Willis stopped her, raising her eyebrows.

'Okay, it was a disaster,' she acknowledge against her will. 'But it wasn't your fault, it was just…'

'A complete and utter disaster,' Willis finished. 'I don't regret anything of what happened, though. Well, maybe the time you almost died of boredom, but otherwise, it were… Positive moments. Not necessarily _good_, but… It was the first time I talked about my daughter to anyone since she… You know. And I'm glad I told _you_. I hope I'll have the strength and the courage to tell you more about them someday. Maybe it could do some good to tell someone.'

'If that is your wish, I will listen to everything you have to tell, Willis', Liara said softly. 'If this can help you in anyway, if you want to share your burden with me, please do. I want to be here for you when you need it.'

'Thanks Liara,' Willis nodded, shoving her hands in her pockets – the Asari smiled at the gesture. 'I need to go to Huerta, I'll see you later, okay?'

'Huerta? Is it your leg?' Liara asked, her voice full of worry. 'Do you want me to accompany you?'

'No, I'm fine, really, I'll just take the stairs,' she answered with a smile. 'There's something I need to do there, that's all. Well, goodbye then. Thanks for today.'

'But when will…'

Liara stopped talking when she saw the Admiral getting closer, her hands still in her pockets. Willis bent a little and planted a small, quick peck on her cheek and hinted a smile before turning on her heels and walking towards the nearest stairs, leaving the Asari passably astounded.

'Yes, I really need to do something there,' Willis said under her breath as she walked away, her lips still burning from the contact.

She felt a little light-headed, brushing her lips unconsciously with the tip of her fingers as she tried to remember what she had felt precisely. It had felt good. Natural. She had liked it. On the spur moment, she hadn't had any second thought, it was just her, Liara, and a simple gesture of affection. The guilt of betrayal had only come afterwards, exacerbated by the guilt of pleasure. Her objective was now to enjoy spending time with Liara, without awakening that terrible feeling crashing over her every time she would kiss her on the cheek or let her hold her hand. And she knew the means to achieve just that. It wouldn't be pleasant, she would suffer for days, weeks, she would torture herself until she believed the words enough to finally live. But if that was what it took to be with Liara and try to love her, she would do it without hesitation. Just to _be happy_.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, new chapter, a bit longer as promised.

A few things before you read this: - I should warn you that there is an overdose of sloppy Mary Sue material in this chapter.

**BUT**, this chapter marks the end of some kind of _first part_. The plot will greatly evolve from chap. 14, especially when it comes to Willis, her relationship with Shepard and Liara.

I hope you will like it, thanks a lot to the new followers & don't forget to review!

* * *

**Chapter 13  
**

Once inside the hospital, she asked the receptionist where she could find Doctor Andrews and she was told that he was in his office. She quickly went up the stairs, knowing where it was for having spent endless hours in this little room packed with files up to the ceiling, and knocked on his door sharply. The old doctor opened almost immediately and readjusted his glasses on his nose, frowning when he realized who it was.

'Willis,' her greeted her, taking a step on the side to let her in. 'Are you alright?'

'I need the recording, doc,' she simply said, letting herself fall in a chair.

'Is it the Asari who visited you last week?' he asked after a moment of silence, rummaging through a drawer of his desk.

'Yes,' Willis nodded, turning a little pale when the doctor took out a datapad on which she knew was an audio file. 'I think I need this. I don't want to listen to it but… I need to hear her say it to believe it.'

'Are you sure you want to do this?' the doctor asked seriously, knowing this could very well cause Willis to fall into relapse and spend another year in the psychiatric department. 'Do you feel ready? Maybe you should wait until you are sure you want to be with her, don't you think?'

'I'm ready Andrews,' Willis nodded, though she had to swallow a lump in her throat. 'I'm going to cry, I'm going to scream, and I'll end up on the floor, but I'm ready. It's about time I faced my demons.'

'Okay,' Andrews accepted despite his reserve, handing her the datapad. 'I'll give you some privacy. If you need me, just press this button, okay? I won't be far. If at any time you feel what must not be felt, turn it off. I don't want to pick little pieces of you with a spoon once again.'

'Aye, doc,' she whispered, her fingers tightly clenched on the edges of the datapad.

A shiver coursed down her spine when she heard the door close behind her back, and she shifted uneasily on her chair, staring at the device in her hands. She hesitated for long minutes, her thumb hovering over the play button, her fingers shaking so much that more than once, her heart missed a few beats when she thought she had pressed the button inadvertently. To try and muster some courage, she thought about Liara, about what she could have if she had the guts to listen to this and enough faith to believe those two damned word, and for one precious second, it worked. Only, the second later, she threw the datapad on the desk and buried her face in her palms, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor. She took a deep breath and stared at the device as if it were her worst enemy, rubbing her moist palms against her thighs. She needed to tame her emotions but knowing what would come out of the pad didn't help. She knew the moment she would press the button, she would start crying, hating, begging, and she wasn't so sure she was strong enough to go through that anymore. But then, if she wasn't ready in that moment, she would never be. She ground her teeth and fetched the datapad once again, her breath coming out short and shallow, and she settled a little more comfortably in her chair. She closed her eyes forcefully, bit the inside of her cheeks, and finally tapped a finger on the button. A sob got trapped in her throat as soon as she heard the first word of the recording, and she pressed the balls of her palms into her eye sockets, tears already flowing past her cheeks.

_'Willis!' _

_The moment she hears that voice, trembling, wavering, crying out, Willis knows something's wrong. She tries to ignore the vicious and slithering feeling of terror that creeps in her veins and poisons her blood, and turns up the sound of her omnitool to make sure she won't mishear anything._

_'Shora, what's happening?' she asks, doing her best to disguise her nervousness and fear with a neutral tone. _

_'Goddess Willis, mercs have just entered the house!' Shora sobs, the sound of a door being closed following._

_Willis' breath gets caught in her throat and her tongue suddenly feels like cardboard in her mouth. Her worst fear, her scariest nightmare is becoming reality. A big ball of anger, guilt and pain grows in the pit of her stomach and she thinks hard and fast to try and find a solution. The task is made difficult by the regular sniffles her bondmate has trouble containing, and the never ending cries of her little daughter burning her ears. _

_'Where are you exactly? Do you know how many they are?' she demands as she bends over the control console of her vessel, her fingers clutching its edge so tightly her knuckles turns white._

_'I'm in the bedroom, but it's no use hiding, Elya won't stop crying,' her bondmate says, and Willis can hear doors of closets opening and closing as if Shora is looking for refuge nonetheless. 'I'm so scared Willis.'_

_'God, no, that can't be happening… Listen, you have to hide, Shora, if they find you…'_

_'I'm not leaving our daughter alone!' the Asari cries out before sitting down on the bed with an audible plop. 'Where are you Willis? Please help us.'_

_'No, no, I can't!' Willis struggles to say, her throat so constricted that she had trouble breathing. 'God I can't, I'm too far away, I won't get there in time!'_

_Willis starts pacing in front her console, her fingers ruffling her hair and clutching wild strands nervously. She still can hear her baby crying out loudly and how her mother is unsuccessfully trying to calm her down with soothing words and probably gentle caresses. Her brain is working so hard to think of something, anything to do, anything that could save them, but nothing comes. _

_'Goddess Willis, what are they going to do to us?' Shora says between heartbreaking sobs._

_Willis lets out a strangled cry when the question is asked because she knows the answer all too well. Those mercs will do anything to get to her and that includes killing her family. They're going to kill the both of them. She suddenly panics, her breath coming out in short puffs as she punches codes to set course to Ilium. She sits in the pilot seat, then stands up again, checks how much time it's going to take before she reaches the planet, checks it once more and curses the galaxy when the two numbers flash in front of her eyes mockingly. Eleven hours. She kicks her chair violently and throws her fist into the led screen to make the offensive numbers disappear, blinded by tears. She fumes and starts pacing again, her trembling fingers digging in her temples._

_'You have to hide,' Willis spurts out, bending over the console once more, too febrile to do anything else. 'Please sweetheart, try to hide, I'm begging you.'_

_'They're coming up the stairs, I can hear them!' Shora suddenly whispers, her soft voice almost covered by the hysterical cries of the baby._

_Willis stiffens dramatically, her wide-open eyes dripping heavy tears. She knows it's now a matter of seconds before the door of the bedroom will open on the mercs and she still hasn't found a solution. She looks around the confined space, hoping to see something that might trigger a blessed epiphany, but there is simply nothing._

_'God no, please, not this!' she begs between sharp intakes of breath. 'Please Elya, listen to Daddy, stop crying! Please baby, be quiet!'_

_'It's too late Willis!' Shora quickly breathes into her Omnitool as the door opens slowly, her voice breaking with a sob. 'I love you.'_

_'Don't say this, don't fucking say this!' Willis shouts, dropping her two fists heavily on her console, sending buttons flying through the cockpit. _

_'We both love you very much,' Shora continues under her breath. 'Please, be happy. You deserve to be happy. We love you.'_

_'No Shora, don't say goodbye,' Willis lets out in a strangled cry of pain and hate. 'They're not… They won't… Shora? Shora!'_

_Willis shrieks when she realizes her bondmate has turned off the sound on her Omnitool so that the mercs can't hear her. She can scream all she wants, shout at the top of her lungs, they will not hear her. She fiddles with her own device and tries to find a way to fix this but she can't. She can't concentrate enough, her fingers are trembling too damn much, and she's not a good tech. There nothing she can do and it drives her crazy. She stares at the glowing orange screen on her hand and pricks her ears, the cries of her daughter piercing her eardrums like sharp blades and poisoning every fiber in her body. She's sick, scared to death and she knows the worse is to come._

_'Where's Willis?' a low growl asks, the sounds of heavy footsteps against carpet filtering through the device._

_Willis stiffens and closes her eyes, her nails cutting into the skin of her palms painfully. She waits, her head bowed, her weight shifting from one foot to the other, the vibration of her vessel reverberating through her limbs. She doesn't know who the man is. The only thing she knows about him is his voice. But it's enough. The way he's said her name is now burnt in her brain. The tone, the accent, the depth of that voice are the only elements she needs. Now she's sure that if that merc crosses her path later, she will recognize him thanks to that voice. She will torture him, make him suffer, make him regret. _

_'I don't know where she is,' Shora answers bravely, somehow managing to not let fear and horror tint her words._

_Willis cringes when she hears the answer and curses again. No, that's not good. Shora should have told them where she was, then maybe she would have had a chance. _

_'Does that thing never stop crying?' another voice rises, menacing, heavy with spite and hate. 'Shut up you little rat!'_

_Willis gasps at those words and her stomach convulses violently, her hand clenching the leather of her seat in a powerful grip._

_'Leave my daughter alone you bastards!' she shouts into her Omnitool, forgetting that they cannot hear her anyways. 'I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you!'_

_Willis rushes toward the bedroom of her ship and kicks the door open with her shoulder and she bends over the crib. The sheets are neatly folded at the foot and upon them lays the only item that could have soothed the little Asari. Her stuffed snail. Willis bought it, a week after Elya discovered the animal, in a toy shop on Earth. She is quick to grasp the plush toy and hold it against her chest, burying her nose in the fluffy shell of the snail and praying like she's never prayed before that her daughter would be left unscathed. She listens to every sound that reaches her through the device and her hearts hammers against her chest even more wildly when she hears the sound of a blade – a knife maybe, a big one – being taken out of its sheathe. The little Asari cries harder, Shora shouts and protests, the arm with the Omnitool apparently shaking , as if her bondmate is struggling. Willis stops breathing when all of the sudden, her daughter stops crying. There is a deafening silence for just a fraction of second that seems to last an eternity and before she knows it, the stuffed snail falls from her hands. _

_'Elya!' _

_The desperate cry tears the air like the sound of a shot being fired and Willis stares blankly at the snail lying at her feet as if she has trouble making sense of all those weird noises and sounds. Elya. Those four letters that burns her tongue and pound inside her head and ricochet against skull don't mean anything anymore. It's like a name that somehow feels both familiar and foreign. Elya. A little blue hand wrapped around her index. Bright blue eyes observing the world with an innocent curiosity. A little body that fits perfectly in the crook of her arms. A tiny, fragile baby. A knife planted in her heart. Something suddenly snaps inside Willis when she realizes that Elya, that little baby, her little daughter, has been killed. She takes a sharp intake of breath and starts suffocating, her sight blurred by tears. She brings her hands to her throat and falls to her knees, unable to look at anything else than the big smile painted over the face of the snail._

_'No! No, no, no no no, that's not…' Willis starts, her voice strained by loud sobs. 'Oh God, no, Elya! My little princess, no, please, that can't be! Shora what happened? Shora answer me!'_

_Completely panicked, completely lost, Willis grabs the snail and shakes it violently, as if she expects it to answer her. But when no answers comes, she throws it against the wall with a powerful biotic wave and jumps to her feet, trying once again to re-establish a two-way connection with her bondmate. She fiddles with the many buttons that she cannot even distinguish through the layer of tears coating her eyes and flowing past her cheeks, but she does it nonetheless. Her fingers are shaking with the steady biotic energy pulsing through her whole body, the muscles in her shoulders contract painfully and more than once she trips over her feet as she makes her way back to the cockpit._

_'Where is Willis?' another growl rises through the Omnitool, oblivious to the emotional breakdown Willis is experiencing on the other side of the line._

_'My daughter…' Shora whispers. 'You killed my daughter… You…'_

_The dry and quick sound of a slap bursts and Willis gasps as if she's the one who received the blow. It's too much to take. Fury is now boiling in her veins, acid tears are trailing down her cheeks, and her biotics flares so wildly they burn the tip of her fingers. _

_'Don't touch my bondmate you piece of shit!' she screams, blue tendrils of energy splitting the air angrily, on the verge of pulling her hair out. 'Shora, put me back on line for fuck's sake!'_

_'For the last time, where is Willis?' _

_That's the one that killed her daughter. Her fingers clench the leather seat and rips the material when another biotic pulse makes her arm twitch violently. She wants to tell them where she is so badly, she wants to tell them she will surrender, she wants to tell them to take her life just in the hope that it will save her beloved bondmate. She stares at the broken screen above the console blankly, praying under her breath that Shora would reveal her location and try to save her life. But she knows her bondmate. And she knows she would never sell her out._

_'I don't know,' Shora lies, and Willis grinds her teeth in desperation before she begins pacing once more, from the cockpit to the bedroom, her legs feeling like jelly and her heart swelling painfully in her chest. 'And if I knew I wouldn't tell.'_

_'Fine. Kill her. We'll find the bitch anyways.'_

_Willis stops dead in her tracks, a maddening twirl of pain, anger and hate rising in her. She doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know where to go. She has lost all traces of rationality left in her and starts opening the doors on her ship, then closing them, as if one of them could magically transform into a portal to her house, sobs echoing so loudly in her ears she doesn't even know if they're hers or her bondmate's. She takes off her jacket, suddenly too hot, and discards it carelessly on the floor with a shiver when the cool air engulfs her sweat-covered body. All she can think about is her bondmate, the only thing she can hear is the tremendous beating of her heart against her ribcage, the only thing she can do is wait for something to happen. She has never felt so powerless and useless than in this precise moment. She paces in a three square feet room, taking a step to the right, turning on her heels, taking a step to the left, as if she's a rat trapped in a cage. Suddenly, the all too familiar sound of the security of a gun being removed reaches her ears. _

_'Shora!' she shouts at the top of her lungs, eyes wide with terror staring at the blue cardigan she knitted for her bondmate that is neatly folded on the desk chair. 'Shora run! No! God no, please, no…'_

_The sound of a shot splits the air for just a fraction of second, and a moment later the communication is cut, three loud, deafening beeps echoing in her ears._

When the recording ended, Willis was curled up on the floor, pressing the datapad against her chest, loud sobs escaping her mouth and heavy tears rolling down her cheeks. Her whole body shook because of her now unstable biotics that made her muscles contract and she had trouble breathing both because of her cries and her diaphragm that tensed violently. For long minutes she remained like this, her shoulder rubbing painfully against the carpet and her fingers clutching the pad as if it were about to vanish into thin air. She felt naked, vulnerable and defenseless . She felt as if all the barriers she had built to protect herself from these horrible memories had been torn down at once the moment she had heard that voice, her bondmate's voice, for the first time in a year and a half. The whole scene had reeled before her eyes as if she were really living it. Her, on her ship, her bondmate, on Ilium, and the helplessness kicking in. The anger, the guilt and the pain had hit her in the stomach full-speed and had been tempted to throw the datapad against the wall and make it stop. But she hadn't. She had just been drawn to that voice, wanting to listen more of it despite all the cries, the sobs, the fear trailing along the sweet and melodious tones it used to carry. After so long, she had felt like she was meeting an old friend she had missed for too long and, somehow, it had brought her some comfort. And she knew she needed to hear the words. _Be happy_. Hear them, she had. But believing them and put them in practice appeared to be a much trickier task. She had hoped that after all this time elapsed, with an broader outlook and months spent trying to cope with the whole thing, she would have focused more on what she heard and less on what she felt. She had just been proved wrong.

Willis turned on her back, her chest rising and falling quickly, the recording playing in her head, over and over again. Heavy tears kept rolling down her temples before disappearing in the wild strands of blond hair, but she eventually managed to reduce her sobs to pained mewls. She tried to remember everything she had talked about with the doctor in that very room and chase the aching pain in her heart with the promise she had made to go on. _You can't change the past. There was nothing you could have done. It is not your fault._ She had heard these stupid phrases so many times that she actually had come to believe them. When at night she woke up, shivering and covered in sweat because of the same old bad dream in which she always imagined herself holding the gun that killed her bondmate, all she had to do was to repeat these already crafted sentences a few times until she could go back to sleep. Maybe all she needed to do was to listen to that recording again, and again, and again, then she would finally respect her bondmate's wish. Now, the big question was to know if she'd be strong enough to press that button again and endure the consequences. She had listened to it once and hadn't felt the desire to jump out the window, to her, that was a rather positive aspect.

Oh, it had been painful. But it had been a good kind of pain. What she feared the most was the pain that settled in her guts for days, weeks, years, and that ate her little by little from the inside until she had no soul and no hope left. But the pain she had felt when listening to that recording had felt exhilarating. It was sharp, violent, instantaneous. She had felt _alive_. She felt as if old wounds had reopened only so that they could heal better. She still thought her guilt would get the better of her, that hurt would eat her alive sooner or later, that she would die of sadness one of these days, but somehow these feelings were a little less sharp than they used to be. It wasn't a great improvement, but it was an improvement nonetheless. It was possible that, if she gave it some time, these feelings would subside, little by little, within weeks, months, years. It would certainly take time, but now the idea of letting her bondmate go and take another lover didn't look as difficult to accept as it had minutes ago. In the end, it could have been much worse. Could it be that she was truly starting to accept her past and setting a shy toe into what could be her present?

Willis wiped her tears with the back of her hands, and let out a shaky sigh as she got back on her feet before slumping into the chair. Maybe she could do this after all. Maybe she could live with her memories and not _relive_ them all the time. Maybe she could remember her bondmate with a fond smile and warmth in her chest without thinking about how she tragically disappeared. Maybe she should just consider herself lucky to have spent six wonderful years with her beautiful bondmate and be thankful for everything she had learnt, everything she had gained, everything she had experienced. What if the reason why she couldn't let them go was that she actually had no one else to fill the void they would irremediably leave in her heart? What if she just needed someone to love who would love her back? What if this someone was Liara? She wouldn't know until she tried. She had nothing to lose. She had to try. Willis straightened on her chair when she heard the door open behind her, and made sure no more tears were coating her skin with a febrile hand.

'How are you feeling, Willis?' the doctor asked softly, landing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

'I'm fine,' she answered, suppressing a sniffle. 'Not perfect but… I needed this. It was… Enlightening, kind of.'

'Good,' Andrews nodded, sitting on his own chair. 'If there's anything else I can do for you…'

'What do you think Shora meant when she said that I deserved to be happy?' Willis suddenly asked, her finger tracing the contour of the datapad.

'Well, it speaks for itself, doesn't it?'

'But did that include finding someone else to live with? Do you think she would like it if I dated Liara?'

'I do. Shora loved you and I'm sure she would be totally fine with it.'

'How can you be so sure?' Willis insisted, standing to pace along the desk. 'It's not like she said it loud and clear, right?'

'Willis, I knew her almost as much as I know you,' the doctor said with a smile. 'I saw her every week for a year when she was pregnant, I brought your daughter into this world, I visited her when you were away on a mission. I had never met someone who loved with so much fierceness and fondness at the same time. To Shora, you were the one and only.'

'And she used to be the one and only, Andrews. I don't want to betray her with another one.'

'Think about it for a second Willis. Should the role be switched, would you rather wish she remained faithful to you and spend the rest of her life alone, depressed and angry with the whole galaxy?'

'Of course not, but that's not the point,' Willis shrugged, shaking her head with an obvious lack of conviction.

'It's exactly the point,' Andrews said softly, crossing his hands over his desk. 'You used to be so full of life, Willis, now you're just an empty shell walking around and pretending to be okay when you know you're not. It would break Shora's heart to see how much you've changed. The Willis she knew laughed all the time, shone with joy and radiated happiness. If she could see you right now, she wouldn't even recognize you. To honor her memory you need to be your true self, Willis. And if this Liara can help you get back to who you were before, then do it, without a second thought. If she can help you live again, Shora would feel immensely grateful, not betrayed.'

'You… Maybe you're right,' she breathed out, an awkward mix of relief and doubt welling up in her chest. ' I'm just… Scared. Liara seems to like me so much, I… I want to take it slow, but what if it's too slow for her?'

'If she truly likes you, she will accommodate you', the doctor reassured her. 'She seems to be kind and gentle, I have no doubt she'll wait until you feel ready. You won't know until you try, Willis, don't ruin your chances by giving it up before it's even started.'

'Okay, I'll try,' Willis eventually accepted, standing on shaky legs. 'I'm keeping the recording, you know, just in case.'

'Be careful not to indulge too much in listening to it,' Andrews advised, joining Willis next to the door. 'Shora lives through and in you, not that thing. You shouldn't need this to believe she'd want you to be happy.'

'I know, but… I'll believe it more if I hear it rather than think it,' she shrugged as she opened the door. 'I have an important mission tomorrow, I should go. Thanks for everything, Andrews.'

'You're welcome, Willis,' he nodded with a smile. 'Let me know about how things go, okay?'

'Will do.'

Andrews watched with a sigh as Willis left, a hand in her pocket and the other holding to the datapad tightly, hoping that this woman, whom he almost considered as his daughter after so many years, would finally climb back up the stairs she'd been walking down to Hell for the past year and a half.


End file.
